My Thereapist Keeps Asking...

[Guest chngnwnd]

My thereapist asks me the same question everytime we meet lately. She asked me if my employer has realized I am trans yet - sometimes asking how could my employer not realize I am trans. She asks because she knows I would most likely lose my job if they found out. I have told her that I had no intention of telling anyone at work and present as male when I work - tie and all. That's when she just kind of looks at me for a moment and says, "Well, you are extremley feminine, Bobbi." She then explains to me that I am pretty obvious at this point and my appearance is very androgynous, but how I act pushes me over the edge to appearing more female. My reply, "but I am presenting as male..." That's when she gives me that look again. Most of the time we move on then revisit it later, but last time we met we talked about my employment situation in more detail and timing for living full time as female.

I am not on hormones yet, but have had laser hair removal. All weekend long when I have been out shopping and running errands, everywhere I went, even though I thought I was presenting as male, everyone called me "miss" and "ma'am." My son told me that friends that have seen me talking with him and have not met me are asking him if I am his mother. I am need to accept that perhaps my therapist is right and I am getting really bloody obvious which brings me to the point of this post...

I need to find a trans friendly employer asap - because I am getting obvious and my employer is eventually going to figure things out - especially once I start homrones later this year. If I am obvious without them, the changes that will take place in the coming months are going to probably make it so there is no hiding who I am.

I would really appreciate some specific suggestions on finding a trans friendly employer. I have managed for the blue smiley faced sombie masters (wm)and teach now. I have a BA in English/Sociology. I have a MAT degree (masters of art in teaching), and speak Spanish fluently. Any specific suggestions on finding a trans friendly job where I can start as a girl without hiding my past would be really helpful at this point. I don't want my current employer to find out and fire me before I have a backup plan. It is looking like I will have to move up the date that I start living fulltime.

hugs

Bobbi

[Sally]

I don't know for sure about a lot of the companies but someone did post a list of gay and trans friendly companies on this site about a year ago, maybe Jean Davis saved the link - I will check with her today if I can.

However, just having a policy of being trans friendly does not mean that everyone will accept you, just that you can get or keep your job but do a better job o fit than everyone else because whenever a cut back takes place they can decide to let you go if you are not the most productive - that is true trans or not.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Bobbi.....

First off...I really don't like what your therapist is doing. Almost if she is pushing you and that is wrong!

You've explained your situation to her, now she should give it a rest.

You go to work as male, wear a tie...there are a lot of effeminate men..

And hormones may very well rock your world and take off on you, but, in the meantime, you have time to job search...

Do a Google search "Trans friendly companies" ..Lots of corporations have policies in place for our protection...

Tell that therapist to back off...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Bobbi hon (fellow musician )

Sweetheart, most companies these days have specific policies regarding harassment of people regarding gender and sexual identity. My company has it written down in their employee handbook. Most states also have laws protecting transgendered people from losing their jobs due to being transgendered. With that said, sometimes upper management will concoct some bogus reason to let you go if they are personally prejudiced against transgendered people.

However, if you are a high performer at your job, you really have nothing to fear. The bottom line of business is the bottom line. If you contribute to that bottom line, you will be fine.

The dynamics of one's life is extremely complicated, and being transgendered just adds to that complexity. You know best the balance that must be made in your life to live in harmony.

Your therapist may think that she is helping you, but all I can see is that she is stressing you out. Maybe in a polite way you could tell her to give it a rest. Please keep in mind that you should never be pushed into anything. This is extremely dangerous for us.

Love and HUGS

Brenda

[JJ]

Bobbi,

Since you love teaching is it possible to look at getting a job at a college level? Even at a community college. The standards and tolerance there can be very broad as opposed to the public school system which is always subject to pressures from the community except in very large systems. And it is sadly the few narrow minded bigots that are most likely to bring the most pressure.

Because replacing a teacher mid-year is so difficult you likely have the school year to find an alternative. Plus if you have a union the administration may just be bluffing-trying to force you to "man up" or resign.

Gifted teachers who really want to be teaching are sorely needed in this country and I hope you can find a place where your dedication and skills can be appreciated and utilized!

Hugs

John

[Guest sarah f]

Bobbi check your state laws to see if you are protected. I unfortunately am not protected in Texas. They can let me go but I would sue them because I am in the top 5 in the country in making a profit out of 81 branches. I was number 1 two out of the last 3 years.

Being a teacher is hard depending on the grade level you are teaching. As you know there are bigots out there and could cause a problem if you are teaching their kids. As JJ said though, college is more open because it is not young kids you are teaching.

I would take your time and find a good job that you can transition in and be happy doing it.

Good Luck

[Guest KimberlyF]

Bobbi,

These are the cold hard facts about protections. They're only worth so much and only prevent certain things.

I have an online lesbian friend who lobbies on a state and fed level and she tells me stories.

And I've experienced it at my own job. Not me personally. But seen it w/others. It is illegal to fire me. It is not illegal to never say a word to me that is not 100% work related. It's not illegal to have people stop conversations when I enter the room "I'll get right on that..." and leave as soon as I enter. It is not illegal to not have lunch w/me. So my cousin is telling me I should keep this job and I can hook up with the other outcast who I see once every few months and tell everyone where to stick it. Or I can I try to find a job that is trans friendly vs. trans 'protective'.

Kim

[Guest Crossroads]

I'm still having issues at my job. My manager tried to keep me from getting a promotion by telling the new manager I would have that I had a "problem" that would make it so that I couldn't do the job properly. I've put in several reports with the company, and they keep brushing me off.

And I work for a company that got a 100% on HRC's rating...

I believe it is better to just come out once you start hormones. But you have to do what feels right for you. When YOU are ready, you know? But I think it is better to come out and get fired (unemployement, and a possibility of fighting it) than it is to just quit because you are scared.