Eep!

[Guest Kaitlyn D]

Ok, so this past Sunday was my birthday. That was not a good day for me at all. One of the reasons being, I didn't feel like I deserved to celebrate the day. I have spent my entire life hidden, even from myself for most of it, and here came another birthday where I was still hidden from most of the people in my life.So in the wake of that, I decided to do something about it. I sat down and wrote the letter to my parents. I sent the letter to my ex-wife and read it to my therapist for critiques. And then I put it in the mail yesterday...I think I'm still waiting for the fact that it's in the mail to sink in.

It's a little funny though. As I was telling my therapist, if I knew what my parents reaction is going to be, whether it be good or bad, I wouldn't have an issue telling them. But it's the fact that I don't know how they are going to react that's got me so worried. It's the fear of the unknown. I have seen my parents be fairly open-minded at times, but they are fickle about when that is.

However it turns out, this part is nearly over. And either I'll have new allies, or I won't have to worry anymore about certain people. But It will work out either way. I will update with how it goes.

Kate

[JJ]

Hi Kate,

That was a brave action that should give you a greater sense of freedom and control in your life!

But don't be too discouraged if initial reactions aren't too positive Especially from parents. It's a huge thing to adjust to, and no matter how well we explain it is nearly impossible for others to grasp. Particularly when in a state of surprise or shock initially.

Many, many people react with denial initially and then as time and obtaining more information begins to change their initial reactions they often come around. With parents there is that acute fear for the welfare of their child and guilt that either they did something wrong or you suffered because of their lack of discernment. Sometimes a confusing, conflicting ball of emotions rolls over a parent. Denial is almost always the immediate reaction then. It takes time to work past that. The less emotional you are over it the faster they can move forward.

So, although I hope their reactions are all that you could hope for, keep communication open and remember that they are in pain and think about their perspective if their reactions are less than positive..

Hugs

John

[Carolyn Marie]

Kaitlyn, I'm glad that you finally got that letter out. Like John said, their reaction could be totally cool, totally freaked, or somewhere in between. Whatever the initial reaction is, is not likely to be the final reaction.

Be prepared to spend a lot of time with them on the phone, explaining, justifying, convincing, cajoling, and crying. It's a

tough thing for parents to deal with. They only know you one way, and probably never suspected you were anything or anyone

else. That you are not will be a big shock. Give them time to adjust, and remind them, as many times as you have to, that

whether you are their daughter or their son, you are still their child, and you love them, and need them.

The rest is up to them. Good luck, and a big ((HUGG)) to you.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest KimberlyF]

OMG....did you pay extra so you could track the letter or require a sig? You're very brave. Best of luck.

[Guest Kaitlyn D]

Ok, so my mom sent me an e-mail this morning entitled "Letter". So I can really only assume that it's about the letter I sent. And the fact that she sent a response in an e-mail is probably not a good thing either. I have not opened it yet, as I've got some things that have to be done before I go on that roller coaster ride. But to be honest, the thing that's bugging me the most right now is not my parents reaction. It's what my reaction is going to be. I don't know if I will feel the emotions that I need to, or if I will revert to shutting down. That has been a very effective defense mechanism for me for a very long time now. How can emotions hurt you if you are mostly numb to them, right? But I know that is not a healthy approach. It's just that this could be extremely painful... I'll update when I read the e-mail.

Kate

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Good luck, Sweetheart.....

We're on pins and needles, too...

I hope that it's good news for you...at least something workable...that you can deal with...

Huggs...

Donna Jean

[Guest kelise]

You're torturing us. You know that, right?

[Guest Sharah]

Sitting here trembling for Kaitlyn. Oh worry oh worry (as eore would say).

[Guest Kaitlyn D]

I'm not really sure what to say at this point. It was a very short message saying that they love me, and that I can trust them... That is so not what I was expecting. I'm sure there will be much longer conversations in the near future over what all this means in the long run to both them and me. But that will have to wait for a week or two, as they left this morning on a long road trip.

I am simply stunned right now. Very relieved, and pleasantly surprised yet again. But still just stunned.

And I am sorry for the torture there. I needed to get that off my chest before I had to go take care of stuff around other people today. I was torturing myself with it still too though.

Let's hope for more happiness in the future.

Kate

[Guest kelise]

See? Usually, we make it seem like it's going to be a lot worse than it is. A lot of times those we thought would have the hardest time with it turn out to be our biggest supporters!!

[Guest Sharah]

Kate,

That is very good news. I am so happy for you that there wasn't any dreaded information in the email. Keep us posted on the conversations you have when your folks get back from their trip.

[JJ]

Kaitlyn,

Though it was short, that was still such an affirming e-mail. An assurance that you can trust them means so much. Is such a wonderful implied promise that they are willing to accept this. Or so it seems to me.

I am sure they will have more questions and discussions but for an initial response it doesn't get much better.

I am very happy for you.

Enjoy all the lovely sensations of relief and hope and love that the message must have brought with it!

Hugs

John

[Guest PhoebeJoan]

Kate, its a positive response, you now know you have something to build from. It could be a rollercoaster, and will need a lot of discussing, but they are willing to accept you for who you are. Its as much of an affirmation as you can hope for with an initial response.

Happy to hear it turned out well Kate

I had the conversation just 3 days ago myself, and already through a few small conversations our relationship is totally different. Its amazing how some things change so quickly, while others take so long. Thats life.

Hope your later conversations go OK Kate.

Hugs

Ruby

[Guest sarah f]

Kate although the reply was short we got to look at what was said. They love you still is the most important part. Your mom also said that you can trust them. That is great in itself. Let us know how it goes when they get back from their trip.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Good!

A positive response!

Outstanding!

Now, you'll have to fill in all the details....

Donna Jean

[Guest Kaitlyn D]

Well, there road trip is taking them from Montana to Georgia. And on there way back they are going to stop in Colorado to see me.

I'm still having some lingering doubts on how much acceptance I will receive from them in the end. But another part of me is sure that that is just planning for worse case scenario.

But I still have at least another week and a half before they are up here to calm my nerves.

I'll keep everyone updated as things happen.

Kate