What Exactly Is Blending In?

[Guest Sammi-Lee]

What Exactly Is Blending In?

by Samantha-Lee Cassidy

When I think of blending in I laugh! Why? Because I get these images in my head that make it hard not to. I see aliens trying to "blend in" to society until they get the numbers to take over the world, I see images of people trying to chameleonize themselve to try to fit into the little neat package that society calls the norm. I get all sorts of images, but what makes me laugh is that they are always in cartoon format, my head can be quite amusing at times.

But then I think to myself.....

am I not a human being? am I not flesh and bone? do I not breath the same air? if so then why is blending in such a big issue? I know I can "blend in" because I am the same as everyone else.

I live in a suburb of Perth, a major metropolitan capital of Australia and I can say that for such a large suburb it has a very small heart at the core of the community, everyone knows everyone and everyone knows what the neighbours 5 streets away are doing before they even do (so to speak). Its a good community, it can be rough, but it's always been safe to me.

I came to this community almost 12 months ago and in that entire time I can report a total of zero kinds of abuse.

I am a common sight in this community (that is not to say that I am ever common), I am seen every single day walking, talking and saying hello to neighbours as I pass, so common in fact that most people can tell whether I am having a good day or a bad just by how I might be dressed, but they also know that they can get a few words and a smile out of me.

Most of the community know me or know of me and although on the odd occassion I might get someone having a good stare or whispering something to their friend, I have never had a bad word pass my ears. I have become quite well known amongst the owners of the local businesses due to my frequenting them and I especially enjoy going to the local supermarket.

In my time here the women and girls at the supermarket have taken the longest to accept me, they've been a funny bunch to watch, and at times you could see on their face the struggle that they were having in their own minds, eventually they began asking me questions, nothing too indepth and soon enough, every single time I walk in there it became a hello fest with them all clambering over themselves to say hello first.

While at the checkout yesterday, while there was no-one around one of the girls who is regularly on the register looked at me and said with a sly little grin...... "Are your boobs getting bigger Sammi?" we began an animated little conversation about my boobs when all of a sudden she said to me while looking at her own chest....."Got any advice for me?" I looked at her chest realised omg they really didnt exist, looked her in the eye, and without saying anything a look of complete understanding passed between us both.

The day before while standing at the register, I was approached by this woman and three of her friends, I didn't know any of them, I was a little nervous and they said to me....."OMG we love your hair!" needless to say that another happy little conversation erupted right there in the checkout lane with the girl on the register and her supervisor both getting involved all the while holding up everyone behind me (all of whom Im sure were dying to get in on the conversation too). It was a funny situation but I think everyone walked away feeling really good with themselves including me.

I take the time to talk to people, to listen to people, but most of all to give them a genuine smile. I help people where I can, and people help me if I need it. , I have integrated into this community with complete ease the whole while wearing my life on my sleeve. The people here have accepted me, the fact that I live with transsexualism is something else. First and formost they see me as the person that I am. I have met a lot of really wonderful people in this suburb through being an avon representitive and just being out there being myself, I am welcome into just as many homes and some of the support I have received is just amazing.

The people in this suburb have seen me at my best and have seen me at my worst, and I can honestly say that I don't think most would have a bad word to say about me. if they take the time to stop me and ask me a question, I take the time to stop and answer them, it has become regular to hear people singing out hello or telling me that they can see the changes in me or how good I look.

My friend Julie will tell you, I can't walk down the street without people breaking their necks to whistle, stare, whoop and hollar at me (all in a good way mind you).She is often commenting that she doesn't even get looked at let alone get the same ravaging animalistic behaviour that I seem to illicit from lustful men as they drive or walk past. And it's true. I often find myself laughing out loud as men have driven past me and yelled something out there windows, or when one guy almost crashed his car and that of another because he was too busy drooling at me.

I don't wear clothing that would be considered slutty, normally Im seen in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and more often than not a baseball cap, but apparently I have a way of wearing it that drives men nuts. I had one man in the area try to pick me up right under the nose of his wife, I quietly told him that if he ever spoke to me like that again or in the same nature I would go straight to his wife and let her know. He has behaved ever since and she became a great avon customer. Even the local postie tried to pick me up mistaking me for a GG, when he found out I was a in transition he was absolutely flabergasted, he just couldn't believe it. we are still good friends and have a laugh about it all now.

To me this is what blending in is about, it's about being apart of a community that accepts you for you. Its about a feeling of belonging, about being able to be yourself while meeting new people and experiencing new ways of life, its about knowing people and letting them know you, it's about being open and honest but most of all.............. Its about being you.

Being yourself is the most important thing to never lose sight of. If you are being true to yourself, if you are being confident in your own choices and life then people will like you for you.

There is a lot of talk about blending in or going stealth, but for each person that can be extremelly different, what they believe going stealth or blending in can mean can be different, and their goals and dreams are all different. By setting a standard for what blending in is or what going stealth means would we not be leaving many people open to what they might consider failure?

Some people will never have the luxury of "blending in" for whatever reason, are we not sending them the wrong impression? The impression that going stealth or blending in is some kind of zenith and enlightenment will happen once you reach it, if they ever reach it.

Blending in for me is about just living my life as normally as possible.

[Carolyn Marie]

This is a great post, Sammi, and I really appreciate what you've said.

Yes, stealth and blending in can have different meanings to different people. I take going stealth to mean you do not tell anyone

about being trans, no one but relatives or intimate friends would know, and you live your life as close to that of a GG woman as

possible. Perhaps even your doctor wouldn't know.

You're right that many people (probably myself included) would find it impossible to go stealth. But blending in is possible, if

you pass well enough to get by on a daily basis, and didn't make an issue of your transness (is that a legit word?). That is my

goal, being able to spend each day as a woman, without constantly worrying about passing, and enjoying to the fullest just being

myself. If I can do that, I'll be happy.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Makayla]

Thank-you Sammi for your positive words from another Perth girl about to begin the same journey you seem to have embraced so well....I think we all could do with an attitude like yours to help us through tough times

Hugs

Makayla

[Guest Opal]

Hi Sammi,

I wish that your neighbors knew of all of the love and support that you give people here on Laura's. Maybe they do somehow sense it through your warmth and cheerful personality.

Have you told your story of becoming an Avon Representative? If so, I will have to go find it. If not, I hope that you might consider telling it sometime.

Thank you so much for the work you do here on Laura's!

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Sammi....

I read all your blogs some time back and I have to agREE that you've had a rough go of it..I even read your web page with lots of pics...

You do an admirable job with the help thet you render those in need...thank you for all you do...

In my community (Farmville, USA) I'd have a very hard time blending in or being stealth..everyone knows everything...

But, upon relocating (if I were to..) I'd certainly be known as just a woman...

Huggs

Donna Jean

[JJ]

I love your post!

And although I believe each person has to decide for themselves what they are most comfortable doing I really believe when we are open about who we are and what is happening we are more fully and quickly accepted. People hate when they think someone is trying to fool them and that creates barriers that sometimes never come down. When your community sees you being yourself day after day they begin to accept and even to some degree understand.

It takes real courage to live that way. It also makes for a much more comfortable life.

Hugs

John

[Guest AlishaToMe]

Sammi, i love this post.

I am not surprised that you have become so accepted in your community, you are such a loving and caring person who wants to help people.

Your honesty is refreshing and an inspiration to all.

Having the confidence to be who you really are is something i think a lot of people, even outside the trans community, struggle with.

You are living proof that with a positive attitude the seemingly out of reach is achievable.

Huggs

Alisha

[Guest Sammi-Lee]

You are all so very kind with your words, thank you, I do very much appreciate the sentiment that is clearly flowing within all of your posts. But in all honesty Im no more special than any other mod who is doing their job here on LP, Im no different from any other member who spends time here answering posts, giving advice or maybe even helping in chat. I am just a girl with a desire to see changes made in peoples lives, to help them, to support them and to see them be the best that they can be. But I do thank you all for your kind words

I think my whole point with this post was to help illustrate that blending in doesnt just mean one thing, blending in can have many different meanings for each and every person, and by highlighting some of the effects of my life and transition Im hoping to show that just by having belief in yourself, confidence in your choices and a little bit of hope in your future anything is possible.

Trust me if anyone knows about hope its me. Three months ago I was near death in ICU with liver failure again, 3 months later Im looking at starting treatments to clear my liver There is always hope......always

hugs always

Sammi

[Guest angie]

For me Sammi,

I live in the same neighborhood of San Antonio I have for the last ten years,

I started living here loooooong before transition. A couple of my friends who

work at the stores around here like to tell me once in a while how I used to

be just to remind me of the difference between the real me and the old me.

I am always nice,but don't really remember myself too much.If not for my

family who want to maintain an active memory of(him) and the pictures they

love to pull out,(he) would be like a figment of my imagination,a bad dream.

On my side of town,the north east side,I get lots of attention from men.With

horn blowing,cat calling,whistles and shout outs,all of them in a complimentary

way. I love the gentlemanly guys who hold doors for me,let me move up in line,

love to pay me a compliment.Then...I go to the south side of town.Being of mixed

heritage,I am brown skinned and look Latina,and the south side is almost all Latino.

I am just another mexican american woman on that side of town,and just slide on by

like any other south side girl.

Texas is known for the friendliness of the native Texans,(which we all tend to be).

But I don't have the interactions that you get to experience(shucks).I would love

for other women to be so friendly.Now I get my friendly hello's from other women,

and have gotten lots of compliments on my hair color,(intense auburn)or if I am wearing

a piece of jewlery they particularly like,get short how ya doing todays,even what is in

the magazines that month...But just to open up and have a conversation of the type you

experience would be wonderful.

Glad to see you posting,I have thoroughly enjoyed your posts...

Big Ole South Texas Hugs,

Angie