Guess What's Not Cooperating!

[Guest Animajor]

Hey guys and gals, I've got a question to fire away. I'm not looking for a precise answer, but more for any resources you may have that will help me along with attaining an answer.

I am a twenty year-old heterosexual female, though I have had genderqueer interests in the past that I haven't acted upon due to "practical" reasons. I am primarily attracted to men, and though I can appreciate lesbian relationships, I don't find them to be my cup of tea (not from experience, just from perception). I don't necessarily want to start this topic off with the nasty, but it is what spurred my confusion and thus I feel as though it better describes my current situation. I'll keep it appropriate folks, I promise.

Whenever I have physical relations with my boyfriend (22 years old) or with any boyfriend I've had in the past, I have no ability whatsoever to enjoy myself and usually end up losing the ability to perform completely within ten minutes. I'm not turned off by the idea of being with a male in the slightest (I've usually suspected this might have been due to an extremely low libido/asexuality or a general distaste for my partner) and in fact feel as though I am an incredibly sexual person. However, I do have something of a dysphoria towards my breasts and have always identified more towards the male end of the gender spectrum, and unfortunately (for me?), I am much more comfortable in love-sessions if I imagine myself to be a member of the opposite sex.

I do not view this from a strictly physical standpoint either, as I often engage in dressing privately for the comfort of it (heck, I'm binded right now) and will almost always--- scratch that, will ALWAYS choose a male role over a female role in any situation that presents itself. I feel as though it is a better representation of myself and can channel myself much more confidently.

I'm not about to say I haven't researched any of this or find it to be particularly "trendy" (as some people suggest LGBTAPetc.. things are), but I am aware this sort of behavior often classifies as trans. I have always been more masculine than feminine, but have never particularly thought about identifying as an actual male until recently (last three or four years). I do have an incredible sense of ownership towards my biologically female body, and though I am uncomfortable with my gender-specific body parts during physical relations, I'm usually fine with my body most of the time and even value my girlish appearance. At the same time, I'm genuinely excited and intrigued by the thought of therapy, and the only thing that would hold me back would be the possibility of destroying family ties.

Still, I feel as though this may be a phase, as I often easily convince myself of being anything I remotely relate to, whether an unorthodox spiritualism or being a professional food connessieur. However, something similar to this cropped up when I was around fifteen years old (non-sexually, as I was inactive until age 17) and I dismissed it as well, thinking it was "just a phase". And again, though much milder, when I was twelve. If I delve further back into my personal history, I never associated with girls and never quite fit in with the female-child gender role. I always assumed this was due to not having any close female friends until I was seven or so, and being an only child, I might have picked up on the more boyish ways of life from my neighbor's sons. I'm not too concerned about where I came from, though, it's just a bit of background.

Regardless, I was wondering if any of you had any tips or suggestions as to how I can figure out why my body is so adverse to heterosexual partnerships. I will suggest that first and foremost I might have a natural biological reason to resist from happy-love-time, but there will always be what is in my opinion a very possible likelihood for being trans (which I suppose is also a natural reason, lol). I am definitely far from speaking with loved ones about this, and am not about to tell my current boyfriend that I might be gay for him until I get a better grasp on my own feelings. He's not quite as liberal as I am, poo!

Thanks for checking this out, if you're reading. Can't wait to be introduced to all of you.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Hey guys and gals, I've got a question to fire away. I'm not looking for a precise answer, but more for any resources you may have that will help me along with attaining an answer.

I am a twenty year-old heterosexual female, though I have had genderqueer interests in the past that I haven't acted upon due to "practical" reasons. I am primarily attracted to men, and though I can appreciate lesbian relationships, I don't find them to be my cup of tea (not from experience, just from perception). I don't necessarily want to start this topic off with the nasty, but it is what spurred my confusion and thus I feel as though it better describes my current situation. I'll keep it appropriate folks, I promise.

Whenever I have physical relations with my boyfriend (22 years old) or with any boyfriend I've had in the past, I have no ability whatsoever to enjoy myself and usually end up losing the ability to perform completely within ten minutes. I'm not turned off by the idea of being with a male in the slightest (I've usually suspected this might have been due to an extremely low libido/asexuality or a general distaste for my partner) and in fact feel as though I am an incredibly sexual person. However, I do have something of a dysphoria towards my breasts and have always identified more towards the male end of the gender spectrum, and unfortunately (for me?), I am much more comfortable in love-sessions if I imagine myself to be a member of the opposite sex.

I do not view this from a strictly physical standpoint either, as I often engage in dressing privately for the comfort of it (heck, I'm binded right now) and will almost always--- scratch that, will ALWAYS choose a male role over a female role in any situation that presents itself. I feel as though it is a better representation of myself and can channel myself much more confidently.

I'm not about to say I haven't researched any of this or find it to be particularly "trendy" (as some people suggest LGBTAPetc.. things are), but I am aware this sort of behavior often classifies as trans. I have always been more masculine than feminine, but have never particularly thought about identifying as an actual male until recently (last three or four years). I do have an incredible sense of ownership towards my biologically female body, and though I am uncomfortable with my gender-specific body parts during physical relations, I'm usually fine with my body most of the time and even value my girlish appearance. At the same time, I'm genuinely excited and intrigued by the thought of therapy, and the only thing that would hold me back would be the possibility of destroying family ties.

Still, I feel as though this may be a phase, as I often easily convince myself of being anything I remotely relate to, whether an unorthodox spiritualism or being a professional food connessieur. However, something similar to this cropped up when I was around fifteen years old (non-sexually, as I was inactive until age 17) and I dismissed it as well, thinking it was "just a phase". And again, though much milder, when I was twelve. If I delve further back into my personal history, I never associated with girls and never quite fit in with the female-child gender role. I always assumed this was due to not having any close female friends until I was seven or so, and being an only child, I might have picked up on the more boyish ways of life from my neighbor's sons. I'm not too concerned about where I came from, though, it's just a bit of background.

Regardless, I was wondering if any of you had any tips or suggestions as to how I can figure out why my body is so adverse to heterosexual partnerships. I will suggest that first and foremost I might have a natural biological reason to resist from happy-love-time, but there will always be what is in my opinion a very possible likelihood for being trans (which I suppose is also a natural reason, lol). I am definitely far from speaking with loved ones about this, and am not about to tell my current boyfriend that I might be gay for him until I get a better grasp on my own feelings. He's not quite as liberal as I am, poo!

Thanks for checking this out, if you're reading. Can't wait to be introduced to all of you.

It's not that uncommon. Last time I checked, they don't have a precise term for what you describe when it's a woman envisioning herself a man during sex, but when a man fantasizes about being a woman during sex, it's called autogynephelia. That's not necessarily going to apply to you though, that's something I'm afraid you're going to have to work through on your own. Nobody can figure it out for you, unfortunately, though talking it out with people who have a good idea what you're going through can often help a lot, so welcome to Laura's Very nice to meet you.

[Guest Sharah]

Animajor,

This is exactly what gender therapists are trained to help work out. I would suggest that try to get hooked up with a GT and work through your feelings and thoughts and get the asnwers you are looking for. Those answers can only come from you, but a GT is trained to help you figure them out.

[Guest Animajor]

Interesting that the male side of it has a medical term, I wonder what sort of stigma that has in terms of actual physiological male vs female studies. Gracias to the both of you, I've been looking into GTs that are accessible through my campus healthcare. Kind of hard considering it's literally only offered to the students and employees of this university.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Interesting that the male side of it has a medical term, I wonder what sort of stigma that has in terms of actual physiological male vs female studies. Gracias to the both of you, I've been looking into GTs that are accessible through my campus healthcare. Kind of hard considering it's literally only offered to the students and employees of this university.

It's a pretty old term. I think from back in the day when most women still had to match their earrings with their collars. I suspect they never bothered to make a matching term for women because the term Transgender covers that as well. Or something like that.