Is This A Good Idea?

[Guest audrey michelle]

okay, soo once i came out to my family and my close friends, i deactivated my boy facebook and made an entirely new one for me as a girl. now the past couple of days, ive been thinking, "you know what? i kind of want to reactivate my boy facebook...and make it my girl one" and i dont know why but the thought keeps popping into my head. now, of course, there are pros and cons to this

cons are that im basically outing myself to probably the whole town (my town is big though) and to people that dont even need to know. people that are probably close minded and just repulsed at the idea of a boy with nail polish on his nails. people that will say foul things and then have me possibly be the talk of the town (or at least facebook) and just be hit by negativity. my safety, too, could be at a risk. but there are some pros to this too. i wont feel like im hiding...in a sense that i try to avoid places i usually went to because i knew people from my school would be there. i can REALLY be myself all over, whenever. i could possibly make new allies/friends or help those who are confused with themselves concerning their gender or orientation. i can use this to get over my anxiety of what people will think of me and just be like, "you know what? you can say whatever you want but im going to keep doing what im doing" and just take a big leap into a possible move that can help me overcome things and conquer my fears

if i were to do this, my facebook status would be along the lines of, "i am transgendered. im going to be who i really am...regardless of what anyone has to say. to those who think this is twisted: your problem, not mine. i get to honestly be happy with who i am and i wish you the best of luck. for anyone else: its okay to be who you are...those who mind, dont matter and those who matter, dont mind."

or something like that? of course ill probably get negative feedback on it...but that could happen in an any day anything type of situation. i see this as kind of overcoming an obstacle and just furthermore being who i am. but what is my town like and the people? a mix of everything basically, haha. sooo diverse

thoughts? comments? im going to also check in with my family and friends too before i make a decision

[Guest sarah f]

Audrey I have two accounts. One for Sarah Michelle and one for him. I hardly ever use my male one anymore. I usually just stick to my new account.

I do see the pros and cons with changing your male page to show your true self. You will just have to weigh your options and if you think you are ready to deal with the questions that are sure to follow then go for it.

I myself plan to just tell everyone when the time is right if they want to friend me again then they will have to use my Sarah Michelle account. If not then no big loss because I will know who my true friends are.

[Guest Donna Jean]

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Audrey...

I also have two FB accounts....I need to drop by and see how he's doing....lol

But, I used "his" for people that didn't know about me yet and my Dee Jay page for all my friends that I have as me...

I fully came out so I only use the Dee Jay page anymore...I'm fulltime...

But, I'm 60.....In your case as a young person who still has school to finish ...I'd be extra careful about that...

That's all I'm going to say about it...talk to your parents and whoever else that you need to and make your decision from that...

Good luck, Honey~

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest audrey michelle]

oh! i forgot to mention that the people i have added are people from high school and family members. im going to do my college classes online at home as i transition and then go from there. so im not like IN school as to where id have to see or deal with these people

i would do the two accounts too but i feel like im not being true to myself. i dont know, im weird

[Guest KimberlyF]

Being brave and proud is one thing, don't know if you're in a burb here or the city, but honestly I don't think the whole city and all the burbs is as progressive in this area as some other large cities. They act that way at times, but I've lived and worked here my whole life and I know how people really think on the ground. It's still kinda conservative blue collar middle America. They vote Dem for the unions. Just be careful.

Kim

[Guest Tiaria]

Personally, I never understood the reason for people going onto Facebook, Hyves, or any other site just like it.

It's just feels so impersonal, I am much more comfortable with talking face to face.

On a similar note, I never use SMS. If I want to talk to someone, I'll just dial the number. It all seems to feel more real, more alive.

I do have a Hyve, by the way.

Tiaria

[Guest Donna Jean]

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I'm om FB, but I have no idea what this is...Hyve

Donna Jean

[Paula ult]

Audrey sweety,

Though you think having one account would be true to yourself, ask yourself this, do you have people friended on that page that are or would not be ok with you transitioning, even though you will be home schooled, can they cause trouble for you and your parents, are you going to be a hermit and stay in your house through transition, i would hope not, but you have to think of your safety in addition to that of your parents, not that anything bad would happen, but you never know, it is best to be on the safe side..

This statement is right on the money "cons are that im basically outing myself to probably the whole town (my town is big though) and to people that dont even need to know.", ... bingo, before you tell someone, ask yourself this, does this person really need to know, if not do not tell them, i have been in transition well over 2 years and to this day i only tell those that need to know, i took this advice from a post op friend when i first started, she also said to slow down and smell the roses along the way, i am passing it along to you and everyone else, i am sure she would want me to.

Paula

[Sally]

I am going to address one part of your puzzle about having two accounts - you said that it would not feel like you were being true to yourself - are you out 100%, have you trashed all of your male clothing, changed your name and never set foot outside of your room in anything besides full female mode?

I f you are totally full time then there would be no problem with reactivating your boy account and switching it to female but by the very fact that you are worried about outing yourself to so many it appears that you are not, so why is it worse to have a second FB account than to have and wear a second set of clothing?

OK, I hope you got that subtle difference, I still have two accounts, haven't been to his in quite a while because I am not out at work - I might do what Donna Jean used to do - she would visit his page from her page and leave messages - this allowed the slightly smarter people to go to her page and make the connection.

Don't add extra pressure by making it wrong to maintain a male persona during transition - you are not even attending college in person so why make this edict about FB - it is true to yourself, one account is an alter ego, a long term character that you have played and you can phase him out over time - cathartic in a way.

No need to reactivate his account and change it to yours - you have yours, invite the ones that you want to and you do not have to cream that you are trans to anyone, unless you are like me, Donna Jean and so many others who admit to being trans in their profiles.

Pride and safety are always issues that must be kept in balance.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest KimberlyF]

One other thing that Paula kinda touched on a bit is carry over to your family. I know a lesbian in Chicago-she doesn't know Kim-but she's her own contractor so job harassment rules get tossed out the window and if she wants to keep working she has to grit her teeth. But she's had a bunch of pigs come up to her and tell her she's a lesbian because she hasn't been with the right guy, only they use much more graphic disgusting language that no man should ever use around a woman unless it's like some kinda bedroom thang. The cowards also come out at night. She finds her car messed with all the time. Nasty notes, it's been keyed, etc.

These morons take any kind of pride in yourself, wanting to help others and an end to self-hate as flaunting your 'lifestyle'. They must stop it before it gets out of hand. A little drinking on the weekends and anything can happen. If you're living at home they don't care who's car or house they vandalize in the safety of darkness. Stay safe.

Kim

[Guest kelise]

Ahh, the sticky sticky Google situation. I've been running into this as I have been researching how well I could go stealth, as I am thinking about going to a summer job in the upcoming years and want to be stealth for it. I've found by simply Googling my name Kairi Gatto, you come up with plenty of commentarys and blogs that prove I'm trans. I threw my name out into cyberspace willy-nilly because I never thought I'd go stealth ever, and after this job is over, I won't be, but I have to find a trick to avoid this for the job. One way I've found is that if I take my GF's last name, I disappear from Google. All you can find is a slew of stuff about the Kingdom Hearts character. So I just go by her last name, don't tell anyone my maiden name, and Voila! Cloaking device on!

[Guest kelise]

I do have a Hyve, by the way.

Tiaria

Maybe you're allergic to something?

Sorry I had to.

[Guest Tiaria]

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I'm om FB, but I have no idea what this is...Hyve

Donna Jean

Jean,

'Hyves' (phonetically the same as 'hives', as in 'bee hives') is a website, similar to Facebook or MySpace, but it caters to us Dutch. Hell, it's quite popular here, but I haven't done anything, there, in more than three years. I only got in at the urging of my class mates.

The website is called Hyves, and it's also plural for the singular 'Hyve'. Ie. 'I have a Hyve'

Tiaria

Ps.

Were is that hug you owe me? I'm about due

[Guest Tiaria]

Maybe you're allergic to something?

Sorry I had to.

Well, if it were a bee hive, I shouldn't be allergic to stings... and I would have a lot of honey, as a bonus.

Then again, my 'hive' is very dead, there's nothing going on in there. Hasn't been, for four years, now.

Tiaria

[Guest kennerzzz]

Well, I'm a very very open person, and have such wonderful friends! I'll probably just change my name within the next few weeks and either:

a ) just use facebook as normal and watch a flood of wall posts and comments from my friends show up, or

b ) just post as my status "ok, everybody 'like' this." that's what my friend did with her default picture when she chopped 12 inches off of her super long hair! Ha, sure enough, everyone "liked" it!

Don't be super afraid of basically "out"ing yourself. I certainly don't go around advertising my transsexuality to just anybody (it also draws more "admirers"... ick.), but if someone knows, hey, I'm not ashamed of it.

I say make sure your friends list is all people who TRULY care about you and not just some internet creeps, and go for it!!!

best of luck,

- Kaitlin

PS: you're gorgeous! [;

[JJ]

Audrey,

Being true to yourself is about the inside not the outside. I speculate that almost no adult who has been in the world for some time has not had to appear to be other than they are. For social reasons, financial reasons, for all kinds of reasons. But to so so without compromising your moral code and character are what I feel really constitutes being true to yourself.

There are times when safety must trump everything else except rare instances like someone saving a life or something. In a real sense to put yourself in harms way to proclaim your gender identity is actually not being true to yourself. because being true to yourself also means looking out for your own best interest.

Maybe coming out on Facebook would end up being harmless and have no serious consequences but there have been numerous instances where the exact opposite was the case. You don't want to take that chance. You don't want to be a statistic. It could impact the rest of your life-or take it.

I guess my advise is clear here. Be safe. Live to be a force for positive change in the future. That is being true to yourself.

Hugs,

John

[Guest audrey michelle]

Update!

Well I did it. Or my best friend did it for me because I was too much of a little girl, haha, but it went by unnoticed except for two of my friends. One, who I thought would understand, was like "this isn't you unless you've changed completely. But I'm glad though if this isn't a joke" which I wasn't sure if that was rude or not. She also commented on my picture going "oh my F-BOMB GOD [insert my birth name here]." My other friend, who's super religious, was actually cool with it and wanted to hang out

I made myself kind of one in the crowd at school...just blending in and keeping to myself. So I'm going to guess that people will just be like "who is this chick?" And ask me how they know me. That's when I'm lost as to what to say. Advice?

[Guest kennerzzz]

That's when I'm lost as to what to say. Advice?

I'm super proud of you! That's a pretty big step I'm not even super ready to do!

The best way to handle a question you don't want to answer is to just ignore it. Those who know you well enough to matter wouldn't ever ask that question, anyway.

- Kaitlin

[Guest audrey michelle]

I'm super proud of you! That's a pretty big step I'm not even super ready to do!

The best way to handle a question you don't want to answer is to just ignore it. Those who know you well enough to matter wouldn't ever ask that question, anyway.

- Kaitlin

girl, we're about to be best friends, haha

ive only gotten supportive messages so far and my chat is off but i know people will start to be like "uh whos this?" and stuff so ill just brush it off!

it felt SOO weird doing this and i regretted it for a bit but its been on my mind a lot for some reason so i figured it was something i felt the need to do. now i just feel more free and i guess it helps me realize that not everyone is bad and the world isnt 100% evil. and it really took my mind off of other things i was dealing with so its good so farrr

[Guest kennerzzz]

now i just feel more free and i guess it helps me realize that not everyone is bad and the world isnt 100% evil. and it really took my mind off of other things i was dealing with so its good so farrr

Good for you! It takes a little while for your mind to stop thinking that someone whispering to another person as you pass by is in fact not about you in any way. At least that's what always happened to me. Same thing would apply to this I guess. Some people will show no outward "support," but just pure acceptance and tolerance. It's a great thing to learn about all the nice people and just finally get a chance to live! (whoa... that was kinda deep. or cheesy. whichever.)

I rreeaalllyy need to change my name on facebook soon. Heck, my gender is already set to female, sooo...

Yes, girl! BFFs!

- Kaitlin