Do You Fit Gender Roles?

[Guest Samurai_Kid]

It seems that there's a stereotype that trans must fit gender roles if they're MTF or FTM. There's no such thing as a tomboyish transwoman or a femme transman to people. If you act like that, they're curious why you don't just stick to being your birth sex.

I honestly can't say I fit any male gender roles.

I have feminine mannerisms, feminine interests, I'm overly hygienic, vegetarian, an animal rights activists, etc. I'm boyish to a degree but also quite feminine.

I'm not camp. Just...Me.

I don't care for "acting like a man" or "looking like a man". It may serve a bit of a problem with passing, but screw that quite honestly.

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

I think it's awesome that you are willing to express your gender identity the way that feels most comfortable for you. That takes a lot of guts! You're right though, some people will give you static about wanting to transition if you don't act very traditionally masculine (or feminine for MTF folks). Many cis-gender people also don't seem to understand gay transmen either, which is a whole different topic.

That being said, there are a lot of us that weren't comfortable expressing our gender variance during early transition. For me, just BEING gender variant was such a source of stress that I jumped at the opportunity to finally NOT be gender variant for a while. I needed a break, badly.

You are definitely not alone. There are plenty of FTM's and MTF's that venture outside of "standard" gender roles. Like cis-gender people, I think we have the whole range of variability. You may not have met enough people to get a sense of the extent of variability in gender expression among transgender people.

I think it is the case that some of us stick a little more closely to what is considered traditionally male or female (depending on which direction your heading) because that helps us pass during early transition. For example, I tended to dress like a very conservative man, although that is not really an accurate reflection of what I'm actually like. However, doing this helped people read me correctly. Now that I've been on testosterone for a while, wearing less conservative/traditional attire doesn't affect my ability to pass nearly as much.

Another reason you may be seeing more gender conforming behavior in transgender people is because they may be trying things out. As we become more comfortable with ourselves, I think we are more willing to take risks and express "outside the norm" attitudes and engage in less gender-typical behaviors. There was a period of time where I was very in to being hyper masculine because I was SO happy that I could finally "get away with it". Now that I'm more comfortable and secure with myself, I act more fem than I used to. The side effect of this is that people sometimes think I'm a gay dude, which doesn't bother me.

Keep on being you! As mainstream culture becomes more accepting of gender variance, maybe these rigid gender roles will start to go away completely. If you look back, it's already gotten better than it was in say 1950.

[Guest 91curiouskitten]

lol well I'm an effimnate tomboy, I love pink, and anything cute makes me Awww, but I LOVE watching a zombies head go Splolosh and NORTH CAROLINA PANTHERS RULE!!!! okay they suck but thats my team!

I'm jus all kinda confused

[Guest Lily B]

I don't really fit either gender role. I have separated bits from both sides of the fence.

It doesn't mean anything anyway. There's no way to show that "all girls do X" or "all guys do Y".

[Guest kelise]

I actually find being more tomboyish HELPS me pass, and I think it's becuase mos people don't believe there's such a thing as a tomboyish transwoman or an effeminate transman. When I wear a skirt or dress, I get read more often than jeans and a tank top. People see me in that and think "well if she were trans, she'd dress more femanine."

Either way, I'm more comfortable in the girl-next-door comfy look than all dolled up, but that's just me.

[Guest Tiaria]

Well,

here are my two cents.

I can definitely say I do not fit into the stereotypes... I have always been very introvert and passive, instead of being competitive and aggressive (which I would define as 'typical male behavior').

I do not even know what I am, much less adhere to a stereotype...

Hug,

Tiaria

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Last night I was dressed to the "Nines"...

Pretty skirt, stockings, heels, Sweater with a fur collar and plenty of makeup...

I was gorgeous!....LOL..

Today I'm rebuilding the carb off my pick up truck....

I love being a woman....I have half a century of male skills, though....

Donna Jean

[Guest Kristi Lyn]

What an interesting topic. Also ironic, because I too have been thinking of what type of woman will I end up as or want to be. My GT asked me a question once, "If you do transition what qualities as a man will you take with you as a woman?" Made me think alot in introspection. I found that there were many things I want to remain doing. For instance, although I may ride a Harley Davidson I can still do that as a woman (maybe with a new pink paint job and some tight leathers though) I will still fish, do construction, and watch or play the same sports I did as a male. I agree with Kelise with the tomboy dress down. Which does actually allow for easier passing but it won't stop me from dolling up when I need to or want to.

Nothing better than a beautiful woman that can do a wide range of predominantly male activities or interests but shock the socks off you when she can don a dress and heels at a moments notice.

Kendal L.

[Guest KimberlyF]

I never did many guy things. Bad at sports. Don't hunt fish etc.

But being female to me is more about how I relate to other people on a personal level than if I get into flowers and scrapbooking.

Kim

[Guest Colm]

But being female to me is more about how I relate to other people on a personal level than if I get into flowers and scrapbooking.

Kim

Well put, Kim. I agree with this very much (Samurai_Kid, you can substitute 'male' for 'female' and 'horror films and sport' for 'flowers and scrapbooking' into that sentence). How we express gender identity through behaviour is often less important than how we relate to other people, but your behaviour is often a cue for other people as to how you want them to relate to you. See what I mean? Passing may not matter to you (which is fine, and more power to you), but you may still care about how people relate to you, since that's pretty closely tied to how you relate to them. Just something to think about, like.

[Guest AuroraStarr]

Y'know... reading this helps me a bit.

I've been thinking more and more over the years about transitioning to whatever extent, but I realize I still wouldn't be the most feminine girl, even though I'm not all that intensely masculine as a guy. It's interesting to see how FTM and MTF people transition, are comfortable in their new role, and still maintain many of the same activities they had enjoyed prior to that.

Of course I realize like anyone, we're not living stereotypes... so it's not a surprise, just a good affirmation to read.

[Guest sphere]

It's a funny thing, isn't it? We tend to go from trying to be the perfect stereotype of our birth sex to fit in, then later only trying to be the exact opposite in order to prove to others and to ourselves that our feelings that we are transsexual are right, even though very few people, cisgendered or not, fit those extremes.

A while ago on these forums I remember one user said something like, transition is not about becoming male or female, but becoming yourself. And that helped me stop trying to prove myself as a male and focus on being me instead.

I think I fit male gender roles fairly well, but definitely not perfectly. I like running and biking, but dislike watching or participating in most team sports. I am extremely artsy (I draw, paint, write, and play a few instruments). I watch Ellen. I like men as well as women. Most of my close friends are female. I wear tight pants sometimes.

[Guest ShortyT]

I don't ponder "gender roles and me" much. I do the same things I did before, dress somewhat differently but still much the same (jeans and tees, used to be jeans and the most neutral tops from the ladies' section) and have the same interests as before. From the top of my head, I can't really think of something about me that would be "stereotypical male". I'm pretty neutral all around I guess.

[Milly]

I feel like im a mix. I like girly stuff but I enjoy things that you would think are male oriented. In short a tomboy. Heck I still prefer my dickies to my skirt :x hoody to my cardigan. My chucks to heels. I still like to paint my nails and put on makeup. Mebbe im androgyne who knows. Somedays I feel male, others girly. Most of the time I feel girly idk. Ill just do what I want how I want for now I don't much care for boundaries, in fact telling me to not do something is a guarantee I will do the opposite of what you say >=3

[Guest moonrise]

Well put, Kim. I agree with this very much (Samurai_Kid, you can substitute 'male' for 'female' and 'horror films and sport' for 'flowers and scrapbooking' into that sentence). How we express gender identity through behaviour is often less important than how we relate to other people, but your behaviour is often a cue for other people as to how you want them to relate to you. See what I mean? Passing may not matter to you (which is fine, and more power to you), but you may still care about how people relate to you, since that's pretty closely tied to how you relate to them. Just something to think about, like.

I couldn't agree more with the both of you! Very well said.

[Guest Micha]

Eh, no.

What gender role is there for me to fit into?

[Sally]

I have never fit in anywhere so why should gender roles be any different.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest HaileyR]

I overall fit female stereotypes. I'm very into hair, nails, makeup, fashion, dislike most sports, love shopping, etc. I have a few tomboyish traits though.

[Guest Jace Quent]

People tend to think of me as a huge butch lesbian because I'm so manly. I guess I'll just be your typical guy once I've actually transitioned. Can't cook, can't clean, lets it all hang out...

[Guest DaniTS]

hmmm, now that is an interesting question... I don't think I fit any role to tell you the truth. I mean, I consider myself a girl all the time and I love doing new things with my hair, nails, and make up and stuff, but, I'm an avid nascar fan and I follow sports and whatnot. Yet, right now, I'm wearing my favorite heels around the house just cuz I feel like it =)

So, all in all I fit the me role I guess.

-D T-S

[Guest praisedbeherhooves]

Not all transgender people fit gender roles. I am a mostly man-identified gender queer, but I am more feminine than masculine in most areas. I also have two FTM friends who are very feminine, and my girlfriend (a transgirl) is a complete tomboy. I even knew of at least one butch lesbian transwoman. You don't have to be masculine to be a man. Gender roles are bull, in my opinion, and should be done away with.

[Guest angie]

After four years I dress how I want,as the urge sends me.

Found that contrary to how I thought I would turn out,

while I am girlie as heck,I am not the dress and high heel

wearing kind I thought/envisioned I would be.I wear short

shorts,and blue jeans and camisole's(with or without a bra)

and tee's are a main stay.Now I do love to wear skirts and

pretty blouses,(I have a ton of them)but dresses and heels

only when the situation calls for it.Flip flops,flats and tenny's

tend to be my foot wear,but my hair is always fixed,I wear at least

eye shadow,eye and lip liner with lip stick and I accessorize.

It's the little things that help me pass so easily,and found that

other women notice your whole ensemble,head to toe.I guess I fit

the gender norm for a middle age woman,and doubt I will ever be

a tomboy.

Angelique

[Guest Sally G.]

This is the other way round for me. Pre-trans I have sought to fufil a stereo-typical male role. Coming out is about being me. I can stereo-type a feminine gender role if required for accessing specific services (I have had a lot of practice at role-playing ).

But mostly it is about relating to others in a gender appropriate way. I am far more conscious of following a stereo-type in male mode than I am in fem-mode.

[Guest Samurai_Kid]

Don't hunt fish etc.

If that's masculine, then I suck at being masculine.

My class wants to go on a fishing trip, and I'm so not going. You're not going to get me to fish. I don't kill things; It isn't my thing.

[Guest SleeplessinPA]

I am into cars, I have been my whole life. I don't see that changing anytime soon. I also like to hike and camp (although I haven't been since I was a boy scout). I still want to buy a Jeep and take it into te woods for a few long weekends.