Pronouns

[Guest NatashaJade]

Last night my wife was relating a conversation she had with a friend of ours about me. They were talking about our annual holiday visit to my father's house. Our friend said something to this effect:

"With all the weight he's losing, how is he going to hide his boobs around his dad's house?"

This bothered me. A lot. I asked my wife if she thought it a little strange to be talking about "his" boobs and she kind of laughed it off that perhaps in the past she might of, but now it was what it was. And as much as I felt like I was going to be really upset, I talked myself down from it. I cannot expect them to talk about me as she and her until I make it clear that I expect nothing less and I cannot do that until I am living full time in role. They may understand that I a woman but they cannot help but to think of me as male because that is how I still represent myself much of the time. I can tell people that I am a transsexual but until I stand up and say, "I am a woman and will not play the man anymore," it is unreasonable of me to expect conversations about "her problems".

xoxo

Gin

[Guest sarah f]

It still hurts all the same. Maybe they can be a little more sensitive toward this subject when talking to you. They can say whatever they want to each other but when talking to you they can use proper pronouns. That is just my opinion.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I can tell people that I am a transsexual but until I stand up and say, "I am a woman and will not play the man anymore," it is unreasonable of me to expect conversations about "her problems".

xoxo

Gin

True, Honey....

When people think of you for so long as "he" and you are still presenting as "he" it's kinda hard to expect "she" from everyone...

But, once you declare it...I'd expect to be called the correct pronouns from that point on!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest KimberlyF]

I think they could go either way. You're not living as a woman so technically it's ok I guess, but if they were in a private setting they should have said her. Public setting they really shouldn't be talking about your boobs but people shouldn't out you even if they fully accept you if you're presenting male. But since there are so many rules and they're not trying to be mean I'd guess-they're honestly concerned about your relationship with your dad-you could either stew on it or talk to them?

Kim

[JJ]

It seems that this is a very difficult spot for a S/O to be in while a trans person is still presenting in both gender roles. The friend may be taking cues from her.

Yes, it indicates that in her mind she still perhaps thinks of you as he-a long habit. But also a safety mechanism to keep herself from outing you to people who don't know.

But so disappointing. And I wonder why your wife related those hurtful words that way.

It seems disrespectful to use he when someone knows you as Gin or Virginia and yet is understandable. Especially with anyone who deals with you in a dual role. Too hard and confusing to always be changing pronouns for some people.

In time you will be able to stand up and insist on proper pronouns.

Hugs

John

[Guest NatashaJade]

It still hurts all the same.

That's just it, Sarah. It hurts and I need for them to know that much.

Funny, this morning my wife noticed that with all of the weight I've been losing, my hips are more pronounced. It's going to get harder and harder for her to stay in denial.

xoxo

Gin

[Guest NatashaJade]

I told her at lunch that I was very hurt by her use of the wrong pronouns and that I would appreciate it if she could try and she said she would. A start...

Xoxo

Gin