Surgery Doubts

[Guest Sascha]

I wonder if any of you post-ops had any doubts before surgery? I as pre-op have some doubts from time to time, and still do sometimes. Is this common? I do feel the need about being complete, because I like males and I really want my body to be complete. But sometimes, at the same time there is a bit of fear. Is this a process of accepting that grows over the years? Or just getting used to the idea?

I'm interested in your answers to this.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Hon

I am not post-op, but I felt that you needed some answer. Hopefully, some post-op people will reply to your post.

All I can say is that your question is specifically the type of question that you must discuss with your therapist. It is very natural to feel anxious about any surgery (especially SRS). My only suggestion is that if you are unsure... then wait.

You must be sure. While I am on the subject. Each step in transitioning demands that you must be sure.

Walk slowly and carefully. You will find your path as you take each step deliberately.

Love

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

Sascha, I had similar doubts and fears about starting HRT. They persisted even after making the decision to go forward. I called it "buyers remorse" when discussing it with my G.T.

She gave me this advice, which I think goes along with what Brenda said, and is apt in your case as well. She told me she was very glad I was having doubts and fears, because it showed that I was taking the decision very seriously, and considering every angle, pro and con.

If I had rushed headlong into it, she would have been concerned, because that's when mistakes are made. She considered my anxiety a sign of maturity, and it put her at ease.

I don't know if having pre-op fears and doubts is common or not, but it seems to me they are a good sign, not a bad one. Take your time,

hon, make the right choice. What you take off, after all, can't (easily) be put back.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

I imagine buyers remorse after SRS would be just a wee bit different than with HRT as it is an entirely different level of commitment.

Sascha, I guess I am wondering if you have SRS scheduled or is it just something you are contemplating? Your question has a very different significance depending on just how close surgery may be.

Looks around for any post-ops....

Hopefully some others join me here with their experiences.

Doubts? I don't know that would be the right word, I certainly had questions, concerns, worries, etc that I might make a mistake if I were to have SRS. I think most everyone would experience such as some point in the process, but I have known many who say they have no doubt about having SRS, but most of those have not had SRS yet though a few have.

My personal difficulty was knowing that I couldn't make an "informed decision". I recognized that I could put off the decision, but that I could never ever say no to SRS. That if someone were force me to decide now or never, the only answer I could possibly give would be yes. Thus, if that is the only answer I could ever give, how could I possibly make such a decision?

What is very important to keep in mind however is where in the process I was feeling this. At the time I scheduled SRS this was something on my mind, but the surgery date was going to be so far in advance this worry was something I accepted and knew I would have to resolve. I knew when scheduling I could back out anytime without any problem up until the last minute. The wait time was such that I felt a need to lock in a date as it was so it wouldn't always be so far away. My therapist also thought it might help me having that bit of security.

Several months before my scheduled date, I resolved this issue and gotted past those fears. I went into surgery having what I consdier "normal" fears one would have undergoing anestesia and surgery. I also did not know how I would feel after surgery. It was just something I knew I had to do.

I will not explain how I resolved that issue. I will say that such things are something that needs to be sorted out individually and the process is best fostered by not having ones mind too full of outside ideas. Besides, the root of your concerns may be entirely different.

Though the years I have often observed many looking for the answers to help them with such concerns. Keep in mind that the answers for you can only come from inside. Seeking out the experiences of others can be helpful to know that your not the only one having such feelings. Be careful however not to take the experience of someone else, their decision or comment that such feelings are "normal" and thus a reason to not explore those feelings and resolving them before surgery. I was in therapy through the entire period and that helped me to sort out what I needed.

Good luck

[Guest Sascha]

Thank you for the warn and kind replies.

I'm on HRT 1 year now, but that step took a bit of courage as well. Not really doubts, but more fear of the unknown. Now that I am on it, it settled and it's normal for me. i wondered if that would happen with surgery as well.

[Guest kelise]

I am almost a month post-op. I can't say I ever had a single doubt. Worries? yes. LOTS of worries, but no doubts. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions or concerns regarding SRS.

[Paula ult]

Sascha dear,

I am pre-op but my surgery is scheduled 6 months from now, i had some doubts early on, i even expressed them here some time ago, i no longer doubt that surgery is the right thing for me, though as the date gets closer the more anxious i get, like others i have worries, do i have enough to pay for surgery, turns out barring something unforeseen i have enough to cover the cost plus some extra, i worry if my blood work will be normal, in July i was severely anemic, took some actions to correct it and i am almost back to normal, i worry if my stress test will turn out ok as well as my chest x-ray.

Paula

[Guest Aleah]

I am just over 2 years post op now. I did a LOT of research before deciding which surgeon to use and knew exactly what the risks were for me. I talked extensively with many friends who were post-op at that time and understood all of the difficulties they had before and after their surgeries. My RLT was >Years< longer than required because I was cautious and took my time. So in all that time, research, and socialization did I have doubts? Yes. There was no way I could not have doubts when I spoke to the women who had complications after surgery. There is no way I could not have doubts when discovering the extremely undesirable results of a woman who had chosen the wrong surgeon for a cheeper price. Last of all there is no way I could not have had doubts when I signed the legal document authorizing my chosen surgeon to perform GRS on me after after she painstakingly informed me of all the realistic risks with the procedure. Yes. I had doubts. I had fear. I had worry. And I had well founded concern. But I also had GID.

Then I considered what I would feel like if I never took the chance to become the woman I knew I was in spirit. The greater risk for me was NOT to move forward.

And so here I am 2 years later. The only real regret that I have is this, Why the hell did I wait so long?!?!? I wish I had done it many years ago. Now I couldn't be happier.

Hugs

Aleah

"Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is doing what you have to do in spite of the fear."

[Guest Sascha]

Thank you so much for your words of experience Aleah. They really mean much to me right now.

[Guest sarah f]

Sascha great post. I liked reading the answers given by the 3 post-op women. I too have a fear of the unknown but I will get it done eventually. There is no doubt in my mind about that.

[Guest kelise]

Mind you, my worries were never about making a mistake. I worried that I wouldn't wake up from the table, that I'd get some infection( ), all medical in nature. Never once have I ever thought or worried that I would think "Maybe I should've kept that thing?" Because deep down I knew even if I had ended up with Barbi-doll style flatness, I would still be happier with THAT than I was with that thing.

[Guest DésiréeG]

it took me over 12 years to get from going FT/RLT and having GRS. In that amount of time I was able to become very certain that surgery was not only the right option, but the only one. By the time the date rolled around I had no doubts and few worries (I tend to be an optimist so I wasn't going to worry myself with thoughts of complications and what not. nothing I could do about them anyway right?) Doubts early on are fine and normal. As others have said, it's indicative of you taking this very seriously. But by the time you are getting ready to go under the knife, you should be 100% certain this is what you need. If you are, then all is well. If you still have doubts (not worries, or concerns, but actual doubts as to whether you should permanently alter your genitals) then it is probably best to wait until those are resolved. In my opinion anyway.

[Guest Julie90210]

I've bought cars, houses, clothes, electronic gear that I had doubts about. I had them about SRS, too. It's perfectly normal.

What isn't normal is talking yourself into SRS. If you feel like you're talking yourself into SRS, RUN. Do not walk. RUN, in the other direction.

[Guest Sascha]

Thank you all for the great replies. It's good to hear that I'm not in an awkward position when it comes to doubts. I have them less each day. My main doubts we're merely in a practical sense. Meaning, I can get down quite often when I anticipate the stumbling blocks I currently and am going to encounter. I'm one of those people that thinks ahead into the extreme and foresees all the trouble and misery. So it's not a fork in the road issue. I think I read too many post-op blogs, stories, personals, and other anecdotal experiences.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Sascha:

Marvelous thread, girl! Amazing that several who originally commented upon it are now, themselves, postops! Just amazing!

Really, I have nothing to add that has not already been said above and quite wonderfully so. My point is, as above, all of us should gauge our own feelings and comfortable levels at all times along the transition journey. Some people seemingly just sail and glide through it all as if by divine providence. Then, there are those rare few, like me, for whom the whole transition ordeal is excruciating. Mind you, this is just me, so you need not worry about this happening to you.

In a day or two, I'm 1 year and 10 months into HRT, and I feel like I'm climbing Mount Everest and am doggoned tired of the climb. How do YOU feel at the point YOU are in in YOUR transition? Honestly, now? Yes, by all means use your head like you are doing by having fears about "The Big Surgery" and also use your heart to guide you with your feelings about every issue in transition.

If "Going The Distance" resonates in your heart and soul, then THAT is most likely what you should do, I would say. Of course, really think this through too, as it's an irreversible procedure. Honestly, though, biased sources notwithstanding, I've rarely read or heard about very many postops who've regretted the procedure ... unless they've had suboptimal results or sad circumstances surrounding their surgery.

Me? Most likely nonop for the duration. Heck, my destiny may be permanent androgyny, because my physical and mental hurdles are well-neigh insurmountable. However, I COULD stay on lifelong HRT and do androgyny and be reasonably happy, and that would be okay.

You? Well, what do YOU say at this point? SRS? I'm guessing so for you; however, it's, of course, YOU call, babes.

All of us here wish you our best.

Lacey

[Paula ult]

Sascha, since i first replied, i have been post-op for 5 months, though i was anxious about some things leading up to my GCS, i had no doubts what so ever that surgery was the right thing for me, the anxiety about the test results were real and there were issues, but they got resolved fairly quickly, anxiety about complications were in the back of my mind too, other than some granulation tissue, which is fairly common and has been taken care of, my recovery has been pretty normal.

Paula

[Guest Sascha]

Hi Lacey!

Thank you for the kind reply. My answer would be yes, based on feeling. However, I'm the analytical type and sometimes that little voice of reason creeps in my mind and starts discussing it, like: "Should you really do it?" or: "You've had bad experience with Men, and they will treat you bad after your SRS" or "No man will ever want you!". ...Yeah that tireless inner voice, you know, who basically says you are worthless and that you can't do something. I think I confuse it with "doubts".

Hi Paula! congratulations! good to hear everything went fine, another success story!

[Guest kelise]

I think you should explore what causes this inner voice to be so negative towards you, instead of supportive. Perhaps something to discuss with your therapist. I used to have a negative inner voice, before I transitioned, who would say things like "You deserve to die", and "you're living a lie!". Then, I can't exactly pinpoint when, but sometime during my transition, the voice started saying things like, "Now you've got it!' and "Way to go!", which from what I understand is a far healthier place to be:)