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Reparative Therapy!!!


Guest Zenda

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora,

Recently a Canadian psychologist/psychiatrist Kenneth Zucker was appointed to help update America’s diagnostic bible…Now Mr Zucker has been known to indorse Reparative Therapy both for gays and young trans children…

Umm so this got me thinking…’RT’ I can understand why some 'desperate' people would opt to giving it a go, after all who in their right mind would voluntarily want to go against main stream society and their church if there was a slight possibility of a ‘miracle’ cure…

If you’re not to sure what RT is all about here’s a link that will explain it…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reparative_therapy

I should point out I have an open mind when it comes to RT, ie, I believe it’s possible for certain people this type of therapy if done right ‘might’ help keep ‘unwanted’ desires in check,[however for how long I could only guess]… For example it might help those ‘men’ who feel guilty after getting sexual pleasure from wearing items of the opposite sex or ‘men’ who crossdress for relaxation purposes and through guilt[religion / family] want to stop…

However before you all stone me to death because of my ‘open mindedness’ on such a controversial topic…People who suffer from ‘true’ Benjamin’s Syndrome I think this type of therapy ‘WILL DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD’...Plus I feel it should only be used on ADULTS who VOLUNTEER to have it done…It should NOT be forced upon CHILDREN…I hope I’ve made my personal opinions clear on this matter…

For those of you who are struggling with coming to terms with your ‘trans’ feelings[ I use trans in it umbrella sense] - especially those from a religious background, if your church advocates ‘Reparative Therapy’, would you be prepared to give it a go in order to please god, church, family and community-in the hope of a 'miracle cure'?

Metta Jendar

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Guest Leah1026

Reaparative therapy has been denounced by the APA for about 10 years as unscientific, junk science. All it does is force somebody to supress the behavior that is in question. It does not cure anything, it is a sham. The problem isn't the person or their behavior, the problem is others being judgmental and trying to force others to bend to their expectations.

Reparative therapy fixes NOTHING and it is NOT therapeutic. It only punishes people and/or behaviors that are deemed/vilified as different.

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I would give it a try. Just like you said, who wouldn't want to be normal? There are many ex-gays out there and probably some ex-trans out there too. If it has worked for them it probably could work for the rest of us. I guess it just depends on the method and how much you really put into it. I know people have gone through reparative therapy and came out the same as the way they went in. So it jut depends. But why not try it?

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Guest StrandedOutThere

I must admit that I have thought that my life would be simpler if I could just "make this go away". For me, this is going to be a difficult and painful path to walk. In some ways, I look forward to it...some ways not so much. So, yes, I've toyed with the idea...but I wouldn't actually do it.

Here's the part where I make inferences based only on opinion and personal experience. Although I am a "psychologist", I'm not a clinical psychologist. My area of expertise has nothing to do with gender issues, mental health, or anything like that.

I think that the appropriateness and effectiveness of RT might be determined by one's particular underlying issues. For me, I identify as trans because I feel deeply that I was born into the wrong body. I've always acted male and don't know any other way of being. For me, I don't think RT would work and it would probably upset and confuse me even more. However, there could be cases where one has strong wishes to change gender due to something horrible, like sexual abuse. A friend of mine was sexually abused by a male relative and coped by trying to look and act as male as possible, so the abuse would stop. I can see someone in a situation like this ending up identifying as trans, maybe not because they've always felt this way, but because they are trying to escape a bad situation. In a case like this, RT might be a possibility or even a good thing. Still, even in the most extreme case, I think it is important that RT only be undertaken by adults who choose to do so.

I don't believe in 'miracle cures'. I'd like to see scientific studies looking at the efficacy of RT. My guess is that it works only in the vast minority of cases...if ever. Although I've never undergone RT, I did something like it to myself. I tried to fit myself into a heterosexual female role thinking that if I acted a certain way I would start to believe it too. Wrong! I did manage to push the feelings away for a while, only to have them resurface as as adult...with even greater vigor. I can only imagine that the long term effects of RT would be similar.

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Guest StrandedOutThere
Reaparative therapy has been denounced by the APA for about 10 years as unscientific, junk science. All it does is force somebody to supress the behavior that is in question. It does not cure anything, it is a sham. The problem isn't the person or their behavior, the problem is others being judgmental and trying to force others to bend to their expectations.

Reparative therapy fixes NOTHING and it is NOT therapeutic. It only punishes people and/or behaviors that are deemed/vilified as different.

Ha! I totally agree with you. I pretty much just posted a long-winded version of what you said.

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Jendar,

Apparantly you've missed the Transgender objections to Kenneth Zucker being on the DSM V committee there is a transgender petition to have him and Ray Blanchard removed http://www.tsroadmap.com/notes/index.php/s...#When:13:51:00Z the petition is somewhere on these forums. The American Psychiatric Association moved away from reparative therapy over 20 years ago. They moved away from it because it is dangerous and has caused suicides. It has caused several suicide attempts here in our crisis rooms. This is a fact. I have written articles about this on the site. "Exodus" uses Reparative therapy to "CURE?" gays, Lesbians, and transgender. The horror stories are legendary because it is a religious organization that uses GUILT for their cure that ALWAYS comes back. It's like purging. The truth is there is no Cure for gays or transgendered because it is a natural occurence. Would you advocate any therapy that causes suicides? Well from experience here in our crisis rooms I can tell you first hand that it does.

Gender therapists on our list here all use the HBIGDA (Wpath) Standards of Care to treat us. NONE recommend Reparative therapy and consider it dangerous as well as my therapy consultants here. Even my own therapist agrees Transgender and gay people have nothing to apologize for. It is in no way their fault. This SIte will never recommend a procedure that has been proven to cause suicide attempts to end lives. If we have had this many attempts how many deaths has it caused we will never know. Those who use reaprative therapy AGAINST Gays and transgendered do it because They have a problem with US. Most if it is strictly for religious reasons. They use it as an excuse to discriminate. Anyone who agrees to reparative therapy does so at their own risk. You may be risking your lives. Keeping an open mind is fine as long as you read all there is to read on the subject. Reparative therapy is not worth risking your life for. Beleive me if it really worked all therapists would be using it. Almost none are.

THis site dropped the Clarke Institute gender clinic in Canada long ago from our International therapist list. In fact i have a warning posted about it. They do not follow the SOC.

Editor; Sorry but i thought I was replying to you but i was editing. My apologies. It's all fixed now.

Laura

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Guest StrandedOutThere

Wow. So this RT is some pretty bad stuff. I guess it is a hold over from back in the DSM-II or III where homosexuality was considered a mental disorder. Is RT still practiced at all today?

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Do you consider actual suicide attempts documented here as successful or good results? Tell that to those who made attempts. No loss of life is worth the chance. The purpose of this site is to PREVENT suicides not cause them. You have been forewarned.

Laura

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Guest Leah1026
Kia Ora,

Recently a Canadian psychologist/psychiatrist Kenneth Zucker was appointed to help update America’s diagnostic bible…Now Mr Zucker has been known to indorse Reparative Therapy both for gays and young trans children…

I forgot to note that I read the other day that Zucker is NOT Canadian, he's an American:

http://www.intersexualite.org/Ontario.html

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora all,

This was not meant to be a ‘knickers twisting’ contest…But hey, it does seem to be heating up a little and with good reason I might add…

Remember, please read the post ‘CAREFULLY’ before jumping to conclusions…

My two examples of possible benefits from such treatments are more for those with a ‘fetish’, that they wish to be free of…

As you are well aware [Laura], those trans-people who attempt/commit suicide do so for a number of different reasons, example; because of family, church, community, society, etc etc…And RT is just one of many reasons…

Deep within the woodwork of this forum no doubt there are still some members contemplating getting some form of help from their church regarding their dysphoric state…

I’m not advocating such therapies, far from it. But controversial topics such as this SHOULD NOT be swept under the forum carpet - by voicing ones concerns or dispelling another’s misguided beliefs is a good way to make others aware of the pit falls of such therapies…Burying ones head in the sand can also make one deaf…

BTW I posted the link within my original post, to gives the readers both sides of the story …It’s important to see it from both sides of the fence…

I’m fully aware of the controversy surrounding Mr Zucker and that such therapy as been discredited by the APA and has been for a number of years[umm, I live in Aotearoa, a group of tiny islands in the south pacific …. not another planet] ... When did something being discredited stopped people from doing it just the same …just take a look at some websites???…And how many of members are aware that this type of therapy has been discredited?

No doubt you will find a lot more WILL BE after this topic has run it’s course!!!

Wow!!! There’s logic in my madness!!!

Metta Jendar

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Guest Sheila

ok, now that i've calmed down a little i'll say what i have to say on the subject. this seems like a form of torture if you ask me. i am apalled at this reparative therapy. it's barberic i'm a rebel and something like this being done to me would make me rebel to the extreme. i would never subject anyone to this type of therapy. i would see to it that they have their gender reassignment surgery. that's the cure. at least in my eyes. especially now that our condition is understood. this sounds like something for someone who makes a choice not for someone who's born this way. i myself have never felt guilt. just like stranded out there i too have pushed my feelings aside and experienced a tenfold increase in my feelings. i'm not in this world to please church or god or family. god's the one that made me this way. if i want to please god then i'm going to be what he hardwired me to be. the cure for me will be gender reassignment surgery.

sheila

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Guest Drew

i was forced into reparative therapy when i was 8 or 9. it did no good. i don't really like to talk about it but i thought i would share my opinion as someone who (unfortunately) has some experience with it. it doesn't work.

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The forums here are only the tip of the iceberg of what goes on in the Transgender Community. There are only 1954 registered members in the forums here that you see. That is but a small fraction to us of our total user base. At the bottom of every page you'll see the number of unique visitors here which presently is 5.2 million users. I've had 1.4 million emails after spam and thousands upon thousands of IM's and Pm's that i don't bother to count anymore. This doesn't count the overwhelming number of communications. emails, pm's and IM's that 89 staff members here have received in a 4 year period. When i'm talking actual suicide attempts I'm talking many thousands of them with suicidal crisis's and ideation in the hundreds of thousands. On my IM I solved 86 suicidal crisis's myself yesterday successfully. Mutilply that by the number of staff members and you get a pretty good idea of what goes on here in a typical day. When I get a letter from someone i've usually already gotten a thousand on the same topic with the same problem. When i came out against illegal hormone use here it's from information from thousands who had serious health problems. Some were from friends and familes whose loved ones died from it. My statement on suicide attempts from reparative therapy victims is factual. In these cases they were from people who had gone to Exodus style religous de-programming facilities. They were told they were cured and some were even held up as success stories. If so why were we trying to get emergency services to their homes because of a suicide attempt? As summer approaches many gay and transgender teens will be sent to religous camps for the "Cure". Many more will be sent to military style teen boot camps to make "Men" out of them. NONE of these facilities have to deal with the aftermath once they leave. We though do deal with it first hand in our crisis rooms daily. I just mentioned attempts not the thousands in suicidal ideation as a result of the "Cure" nor the thousands of letters I've received from those who have been there. This article was written about one of our users 3 years ago who was our first teen and a "Mormon" here and who we lost touch with http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_devil.htm . He is far from the only one. The number 1 doesn't exist here. There is nothing on this forum that is new for me that i haven't heard several times. That isn't the case for everyone here. This site is a data goldmine with so many usefull numbers and statistics I can't possibly compile them all in a lifetime. If I could It would turn this community on it's head in a very positive way that would benefit us. This is why we are working with researchers, colleges and universities here so we can put out the proper scientific surveys to get to the truth I already know. In September more will be joining us. The point is I get to see a Bigger picture here than most do. So when I speak I'm often not talking about just one person or one incident I could be talking from the perspective of hundreds or thousands. When I see deaths or suicide attempts and know the causes I am passionate in preventing them. I've been on the phone or in IM's wating with too many for the ambulance to arrive. "because of family, church, community, society, etc etc…And RT is just one of many reasons…". Yes but i was talking specifically.

So when I see those touting illegal hormones because everyone does it or a treatment like reparative therapy that causes loss of life I speak out about it to warn people. Try stepping into my shoes for a day.

I am not at all trying to squash this subject. If anything I am happy you brought it up because it gave me an opportunity to explain why it is such a horrible idea. What I do have a problem with is when someone tells my users After I explain the "PROVEN" risks that someone comes out and encourages people to try it anyway. That;s not only irresponsible it borders on sadistic.

yes it is still practiced. And it can have very good results. Evergreen International has a list of testimonials on its site:

Actual suicide attempts or deaths is hardly a good result. They anti-gay and transgender camps) don't deal with the aftermath when that cure starts to wear off, we do. Suicide is not an acceptable result even if it is delayed by a few weeks. Once before they had camps for gays and transgendered, from 1938 to 1944 in Germany where you were branded with a pink triangle. Is murder by driving someone to suicide any different? While the methods are different the reasons to get rid of us are exactly the same. Why do you think no one gets upset over our huge suicide rate? It's because there is one less gay or transgender in the world. And..... if you didn't get cured and die from the shame do they care? When a transgender family member gets buried why doesn't it list it in the obituary. Why are they buried in the clothes of the gender they were born in? Shame! No Transgender or gay person has anything to be ashamed of. Believe that! If anyone should be ashamed it is those who are trying to drive us to early graves. The "Cures" they tout aren't to help you, It's to help them rid the world of what you are so THEY can feel better. They call us sinners. Is bigotry and hate a sin? Is driving people to suicide a sin? People in glass houses like them shouldn't throw stones.

My two examples of possible benefits from such treatments are more for those with a ‘fetish’, that they wish to be free of…

Many are under the wrong impression that only transsexuals commit or attempt suicide. While their numbers are higher the fact is that people from ALL Transgender groups commit and attempt suicide. There have been attempts in every single group in our crisis rooms. They are crossdressers, transvestitites, Androgyn's, Intersexed, Transgenderists and Transsexuals and some consider themselves fetishists. Death is death no matter what the cause. It doesn't matter if you were born with it or developed it later few in this community are immune.

This site is based on the experiences of our users right here. No one can make all this up which is why we research. It's far more than just my opinion. Most of the staff here can tell you stories that will curl your hair. Together we have cried rivers of tears with our users and their family members. We all are dedicated to this community. Sleep here is a luxury for some. Some staff members do 18 hour days here as volunteers. Every single day there are moments that help arrives with seconds left. No one does what we do we are unique in some of our services and our online support group meetings and suicide prevention. If they did they would have similar numbers and stories to tell.

BTW I posted the link within my original post, to gives the readers both sides of the story …It’s important to see it from both sides of the fence…
.

I agree. However when we say something has been proven dangerous here we are not speaking for our health or to squash ideas. We are warning because we've seen first hand results and we care enough to make it public. If you see people near death you don't want it to occur again for even one person. Take a walk in our shoes.

Laura

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Guest Zenda
The forums here are only the tip of the iceberg of what goes on in the Transgender Community. There are only 1954 registered members in the forums here that you see. That is but a small fraction to us of our total user base. At the bottom of every page you'll see the number of unique visitors here which presently is 5.2 million users. I've had 1.4 million emails after spam and thousands upon thousands of IM's and Pm's that i don't bother to count anymore. This doesn't count the overwhelming number of communications. emails, pm's and IM's that 89 staff members here have received in a 4 year period. When i'm talking actual suicide attempts I'm talking many thousands of them with suicidal crisis's and ideation in the hundreds of thousands. On my IM I solved 86 suicidal crisis's myself yesterday successfully. Mutilply that by the number of staff members and you get a pretty good idea of what goes on here in a typical day. When I get a letter from someone i've usually already gotten a thousand on the same topic with the same problem. When i came out against illegal hormone use here it's from information from thousands who had serious health problems. Some were from friends and familes whose loved ones died from it. My statement on suicide attempts from reparative therapy victims is factual. In these cases they were from people who had gone to Exodus style religous de-programming facilities. They were told they were cured and some were even held up as success stories. If so why were we trying to get emergency services to their homes because of a suicide attempt? As summer approaches many gay and transgender teens will be sent to religous camps for the "Cure". Many more will be sent to military style teen boot camps to make "Men" out of them. NONE of these facilities have to deal with the aftermath once they leave. We though do deal with it first hand in our crisis rooms daily. I just mentioned attempts not the thousands in suicidal ideation as a result of the "Cure" nor the thousands of letters I've received from those who have been there. This article was written about one of our users 3 years ago who was our first teen and a "Mormon" here and who we lost touch with http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_devil.htm . He is far from the only one. The number 1 doesn't exist here. There is nothing on this forum that is new for me that i haven't heard several times. That isn't the case for everyone here. This site is a data goldmine with so many usefull numbers and statistics I can't possibly compile them all in a lifetime. If I could It would turn this community on it's head in a very positive way that would benefit us. This is why we are working with researchers, colleges and universities here so we can put out the proper scientific surveys to get to the truth I already know. In September more will be joining us. The point is I get to see a Bigger picture here than most do. So when I speak I'm often not talking about just one person or one incident I could be talking from the perspective of hundreds or thousands. When I see deaths or suicide attempts and know the causes I am passionate in preventing them. I've been on the phone or in IM's wating with too many for the ambulance to arrive. "because of family, church, community, society, etc etc…And RT is just one of many reasons…". Yes but i was talking specifically.

So when I see those touting illegal hormones because everyone does it or a treatment like reparative therapy that causes loss of life I speak out about it to warn people. Try stepping into my shoes for a day.

I am not at all trying to squash this subject. If anything I am happy you brought it up because it gave me an opportunity to explain why it is such a horrible idea. What I do have a problem with is when someone tells my users After I explain the "PROVEN" risks that someone comes out and encourages people to try it anyway. That;s not only irresponsible it borders on sadistic.

Actual suicide attempts or deaths is hardly a good result. They anti-gay and transgender camps) don't deal with the aftermath when that cure starts to wear off, we do. Suicide is not an acceptable result even if it is delayed by a few weeks. Once before they had camps for gays and transgendered, from 1938 to 1944 in Germany where you were branded with a pink triangle. Is murder by driving someone to suicide any different? While the methods are different the reasons to get rid of us are exactly the same. Why do you think no one gets upset over our huge suicide rate? It's because there is one less gay or transgender in the world. And..... if you didn't get cured and die from the shame do they care? When a transgender family member gets buried why doesn't it list it in the obituary. Why are they buried in the clothes of the gender they were born in? Shame! No Transgender or gay person has anything to be ashamed of. Believe that! If anyone should be ashamed it is those who are trying to drive us to early graves. The "Cures" they tout aren't to help you, It's to help them rid the world of what you are so THEY can feel better. They call us sinners. Is bigotry and hate a sin? Is driving people to suicide a sin? People in glass houses like them shouldn't throw stones.

Many are under the wrong impression that only transsexuals commit or attempt suicide. While their numbers are higher the fact is that people from ALL Transgender groups commit and attempt suicide. There have been attempts in every single group in our crisis rooms. They are crossdressers, transvestitites, Androgyn's, Intersexed, Transgenderists and Transsexuals and some consider themselves fetishists. Death is death no matter what the cause. It doesn't matter if you were born with it or developed it later few in this community are immune.

This site is based on the experiences of our users right here. No one can make all this up which is why we research. It's far more than just my opinion. Most of the staff here can tell you stories that will curl your hair. Together we have cried rivers of tears with our users and their family members. We all are dedicated to this community. Sleep here is a luxury for some. Some staff members do 18 hour days here as volunteers. Every single day there are moments that help arrives with seconds left. No one does what we do we are unique in some of our services and our online support group meetings and suicide prevention. If they did they would have similar numbers and stories to tell..

I agree. However when we say something has been proven dangerous here we are not speaking for our health or to squash ideas. We are warning because we've seen first hand results and we care enough to make it public. If you see people near death you don't want it to occur again for even one person. Take a walk in our shoes.

Laura

Kia Ora Laura,

I'm well aware of what you are going on about believe it or not I do quite abit of research...However if you and your team feel this post will do more harm than good, I would strongly suggest that you remove it asap...I personally feel that something like this is better out in the open and discussed, than closeted away...The sadest part in all this Laura is small children and teenagers under the age of 18, from a conservative religious background don't have a choice when it comes to RT... At lease most 'thinking' adults have a choice...And even those who are in a desperate situation and make contact with this forum have some cognitive skills...

Please remove this post if you feel that it might endanger the lives of any members should it be continued...

BTW, My aim was and has always been to help not hinder those who are in need...

Metta Jendar

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I have no problem with your post Jendar. It's a good thing. Trust me right now as we speak there are parents trying to decide whether or not to send there kids for treatment for the "Cure". If it makes one parent spare their child from the hell they will be put through this is all worth it. Overall I enjoy your posts they make me think. Those camps say well no one died here. However they don't have to deal with the aftermath becuase it is over for them. It's far from over for those sent to those places. Most of us no the effects supressing our true sleves had on us, yet here are people recreating those circumstances pushing a "Cure" that makes it worse, not better. Every subject should be discussed here that effects us. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on everything. The dialogue we all create here will be helping our community for years to come. Thanks for your contributions. :)

Laura

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I just want to clarify my previous post. laura, I am not trying to oppose your post. I understand that many suicides have been made. I also know that there are many people who have gone through RT and years later formed extremely happy families and are 100 times happier than the day they walked into RT. I'm not telling someone too try it and I'm not telling someone not to try it. I'm just saying it can work. It depends on the method and how you personally react to it. I'm not being sadistic or irresponsible either. in fact, I'm actually telling your users to think carefully about this. You have to pick a path. SRS or RT. Suicide comes from being lost in the middle. Make sure you know what you're doing and you're fully committed before picking a path.

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Guest Leah1026
I just want to clarify my previous post. laura, I am not trying to oppose your post. I understand that many suicides have been made. I also know that there are many people who have gone through RT and years later formed extremely happy families and are 100 times happier than the day they walked into RT. I'm not telling someone too try it and I'm not telling someone not to try it. I'm just saying it can work. It depends on the method and how you personally react to it. I'm not being sadistic or irresponsible either.

RT does NOT work, it only forces the person to bury their feelings..... for a while, they NEVER go away. RT is destructive. Self-acceptance is a positive outcome.

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Guest Nadeest

I have seen a lot of things in the transgender community. I too, feel that self acceptance is the only real "cure", so to speak; and it works for far more things then reparitive therapy does, imho. However, i am not a therapist, nor a researcher. I am simply someone that does her best to help others, in her own small way.

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Guest GoldenKirbichu

Reparative therapy is, quite simply, scaring someone into repressing zir feelings. It's not going to stop them. The most common group that reparative therapy targets is gay men, and there's only a combined 14% "success" rate. (Success is only defined by these groups as the ceasing of homosexual activities, not actual attraction to opposite-gendered people.) 15% is not good by anyone's standards, and the huge emotional cost that comes with it (guilt, fear, outing of activities, disgust towards one's self, possible self-injury or even suicide) is not worth the pathetic success rate. You cannot stop a person from being who zie is. It will find some way to come out sooner or later. RT just denies this basic fact of human nature.

Incidentally, I wonder why no one has ever tried to RT a heterosexual, cisgendered person into being a transgendered, homosexual person? You know, just for some fairness in the studies... we do need fairness, right?

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Guest StrandedOutThere

So, that Evergreen International thing is run by the LDS church. I'm not surprised. Hopefully trained clinical psychologists who take a research based approach don't do RT anymore.

Here's a link to a couple of articles that some might find interesting:

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html...s_changing.html

http://www.iglss.org/media/files/Angles_41.pdf

Changing homosexual behavior isn't the same as changing homosexual attraction.

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Guest Zenda
I have no problem with your post Jendar. It's a good thing. Trust me right now as we speak there are parents trying to decide whether or not to send there kids for treatment for the "Cure". If it makes one parent spare their child from the hell they will be put through this is all worth it. Overall I enjoy your posts they make me think. Those camps say well no one died here. However they don't have to deal with the aftermath becuase it is over for them. It's far from over for those sent to those places. Most of us no the effects supressing our true sleves had on us, yet here are people recreating those circumstances pushing a "Cure" that makes it worse, not better. Every subject should be discussed here that effects us. I don't expect everyone to agree with me on everything. The dialogue we all create here will be helping our community for years to come. Thanks for your contributions. :)

Laura

Kia ora and thanks Laura,

BTW Even though my circumstances are more favourable than most, I really do appreciate and commend you and your team on your altruistic commitment to help others...I'm well aware that Laura's playground is a lifeline for many...

Metta Jendar :)

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Guest Leah1026
Incidentally, I wonder why no one has ever tried to RT a heterosexual, cisgendered person into being a transgendered, homosexual person? You know, just for some fairness in the studies... we do need fairness, right?

Woot! I'm all for fairness. I nominate Dr Kenneth Zucker to be the first patient. :P

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Guest Snow Angel

Reparative therapy doesn't 'fix' a person. It's just a hardcore form of suppression, so the person can live with themself without being themself. It doesn't really 'fix' anything so much as it buries the nagging voice that tells you to transition.

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I don't think a normal person would ever want to be trans so that's why they don't go through RT. And since they wouldn't want it, it would never work.

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      "THE CASS REVIEW NEEDS TO BE THROWN OUT ENTIRELY. THIS IS WHY."  https://whatthetrans.com/cass-review/    
    • April Marie
      I think this can be a big part of it. There are times when I just don't have the experience or expertise to respond.   Is there a specific post we've missed @Ladypcnj?  I remember that my intro post had less than 10 responses. Some of that has to do with timing, too.    I've also found that the more I posted to various threads the more responses I've received. But, I can tell you that there are times when almost no one responds to my posts. Don't take it personally. Keep posting where you feel comfortable and people will get to know you.   It really is a friendly and accepting place.
    • April Marie
      Oh, the guilt can be overwhelming, can't it? It's kind of like the joke about the difference between Protestants and Catholics.   Protestants have sex without guilt.   Catholics have guilt without sex.   It seems as if guilt is just a natural by product of our gender identity confusion whether we have any awareness of it or not. We feel different and so we blame ourselves for not feeling as others say we should.   What a tremendously uplifting moment it is when we can finally shed that guilt. Bask in the relief, M.A.   And having the right therapist seems so crucial to me. I had, fortunately, a very quick and strong connection and trust in my therapist. She was a life saver for me. Literally.   Again, welcome to TGP!!
    • Petra Jane
      Perhaps no one knows how to reply?  
    • MAN8791
      For me, with my former therapist, it was almost more like a frog in a pot slowly coming to a boil - I don't think either of us realized the scope of what we were dealing with until fairly recently. And she helped me find my new practitioner, which was incredibly helpful too <3 It feels very strange and new - I've framed this, whatever this is, as 'being bad at being female' for literal decades, since puberty really, and the idea that maybe it's not my fault, that I've never done anything 'wrong,' is a little overwhelming.
    • Lydia_R
      I had fun doing this a few weeks ago.  This is how I got rid of -money:     This music player code of mine is really working out nice.  My music collection is all mp3 files.  I put them on my server and then code things like that to play them and loop them.  And then I coded an app while I was in the mental hospital in 2009 that I use to transcribe my music with.  It's a Windows app and you can browse to an mp3 or use a URL to an mp3.  Once it is in the program, it looks like a normal music software timeline and there are sliders to slow it down and speed it up by octaves, semitones and cents, so you have complete control over what key the music is in.  And you can create loops in it and I added a feature a few years ago where it remembers all the settings so when you open it again, you still have the same loop set with the pitch settings.  I've been putting my favorite recordings in it lately, setting the funkiest loop I can find and then slow it down an octave or more.  Then I play drums to it and piano stuff, or pennywhistle.  I like playing drums on the floor.  Even though I got rid of money and well, I should have done that decades ago, I had a good time the other day hitting my bin of GO stones with my drumstick.   I don't know if I'll get flagged for self promotion here or not.  You know, I'm a musician and I'm just sharing ideas for how to listen to and enjoy learning to play music.  I'm not the only one who has made tools like this.  I'm really geeking out on my roommates drumset.  I learned to play in the 90's, but I haven't had a set since then.  I've been playing 5 gallon plastic water bottles as hand drums for 30 years.  They are relatively inexpensive and common and they sound great.  Very fun to play along to your favorite music.  And if you can slow the music down, it can make it easier to play to for some songs.  As advanced as I get as musician, I still enjoy just meditating on playing some simple pattern over and over.  Lately I've been playing an Emin7 chord going to an Fmaj7 chord on the piano.  It's all white keys.  You just play an E and then skip a key etc...  Every other key for 4 notes and then just move that all up one key for the Fmaj7 chord.  I just like the droning quality of it.
    • EasyE
      Welcome to the forums! Writer and graphic artist (and photographer) here as well, though most of my life has been spent in the sports realm... bless you with three teenagers!! I have two and they are a handful ... I have found a lot of encouragement and help on this forum... Hope you do as well... Blessings on your journey ahead ...    Easy
    • EasyE
      During COVID lockdowns without any place to go, some neighborhood buddies and I would play Life for hours (imagine a bunch of middle aged men playing that game, it was a hoot - all sorts of 'house rules')... anyways, as much as I could get away with it, I would choose a pink peg to represent myself... sometimes even had a female name to go with it... this was before I even really pondered whether or not I was trans ...   I was very determined to do this ... so interesting to look back and see all the threads pointing me to where I am now, though it has come as such a surprise as well...   Easy    
    • EasyE
      Thank you all for the helpful responses... I realize some of HRT is for mental health -- like I said above I really am enjoying the ride so far in that regard!   Guess there is a part of me that wants to have my cake and eat it too. I want to have a nice feminine shape within reason for my age (fat distribution - you can kick in whenever you want!!). Yet, I am still not out to family, so I want it to be subtle enough as I go along that I can cover tracks when necessary ... Not the ideal situation but it is what it is ... maybe when family realizes that this is not making me into a monster, they will come around to some of it. I can hope, right?   More and more, I just want to look in the mirror and see a female body staring back at me ... I want female clothing that I put on to look like it fits me to a T... (and by T, I don't mean testosterone, lol)...    EasyE    
    • Mmindy
      Good morning to you @KymmieL from the Eastern Time Zone where it early afternoon. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Justine76
      Welcome to WA! Seattle and the Capital Hill neighborhood in particular have many LGBTQ+ friendly establishments. Seattle Trans Pride 2024 is June 28th ;)  
    • missyjo
      Agree, April you always look so stylish  bravo dear   maddee, do you have furry friends too? aren't they adorable? they've generated a lot of smiles.   Ashley always looking cute   daisy print skirt with white floral blouse over pink lingerie. typing today n maybe movie tonight   hugs
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon M.A.   Welcome to Transgender Pulse Forums, I think you'll find that there are a lot of us who had their first therapist reconsidering our story and recommended us to gender or LGBTQIA specific therapist. I made my first therapist cry after asking me what was my worst experience or memory. She was not prepared for the can of worms I brought to the couch. My second therapist is a gem, she's my age and knows how to work with my thoughts.    My two kids were also involved in the arts programs in school one in theater, the other combined art and modern music.   Best wishes, stay positive, and motivated,    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Welcome.   This can be a good sounding board and a place to say things you otherwise could not. Be yourself. Find out what that is.   Abby
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