My Apologies

[blackkatsen]

It has come to my attention that I have offended several users on this site with some of my posts. I can understand how this has happened and I realize that my comments are out of line with the transgender community. I would like to publicly apologize and tell you that my intentions were not to offend anyone. I joined here because I had transgender feelings and I wanted to see if other people had similar experiences as I did. I wanted to see how they reacted to them and if they could be of any help to me.

Some of my recent posts have offended users. I am only 16 and I have no real experience as a transsexual. I am in a very conservative, Christian home. This is what I know and this is how I live. I have felt that I have had to stand up for my beliefs and the way I currently live. I did not intent on offending anyone with opposing beliefs. It is just the way I am being raised and these beliefs have not been shaken from me.

So I would just like to say sorry to anyone who I might have offended or hurt. I realize I may have pushed some of my arguments too far. Now I feel that I am not wanted here or that I need to stay silent. I will let you all decide that.

[Guest dolly]

oi, bk! im never really on here much so i dunno whats going on with who you cheesed off and how your comments are contoversial etc et. but honestly it should be your decision wether or no you continu to post on here or not and ultimately up to the mods and those who run it wether or not it gets cleared.

im sure everyone in here feels like a fish out of water somewhere in the world and it sucks. in fact i used to frequent a "gothic culture" forum quite often before i came out about this in my life publicly and would constantly get grief over stuff i wrote or posted or commented on. i fact, your screenname sounds like one of the names on that forum now that i think of it but i doubt youre the same individ. if you are you probaly saw how messy it was in the end. and i brought that up to point out i can relate to where your coming from.

but anyways, yeah. if you wanna stay and hang out wit us then go for it, ill be glad to see what you post when i get the time to read . if you dont, im sorry you feel like youre being osteracised or whatever. im sure its not the case though

[Guest CharliTo]

I never got into the conversations, but I guess it is a lot of information heading towards your way if you're raised in a very conservative religious home.

I think apologizing is good no matter what though so good job at apologizing . I think you're more mature than a lot of 16 year old if you can apologize for behaviors. :]

[MaryEllen]

Hello blackkatsen,

Thank you for apologizing to our users. As a member of this site, we only ask that you respect our users beliefs and the site policies. It's obvious that your parents hold on you is very strong, so I can understand where you're coming from. At age 16 you should be forming your own opinions, though. No one wants you to leave. You're more than welcome to stay as long as you're not being counter productive to our sites policies.

MaryEllen

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Hey there. I think I probably gave you a pretty hard time in the gay marriage and reparative therapy threads. Sorry if I was too harsh. You didn't really offend me, I just like a good debate. It's cool if your opinion is different, just expect that people around here are probably going to disagree with you sometimes. I'm not sure, but I don't think there are all that many conservative trans people on the site. Either way, diversity keeps things lively.

At 16, it isn't really fair to expect you to have a lot of experience with anything. This is the time in your life that you are figuring things out for yourself. If you have trans feelings and are in a conservative home, then I can imagine how hard things are for you right now. My family is very conservative and not accepting of anything besides the garden variety heterosexual lifestyle. For my entire life I have tried ignore the fact that I wish I had been born a guy. Inside I feel like a man. I've tried my best to fit neatly into a heterosexual, female role...just to keep the peace. Now that I'm older and living a couple of states away from my family, I'm only just now really starting to figure some things out. The problem is, I dug the hole pretty deep. I'm engaged to a man. I've built a pretty nice life for myself in my current identity. The only problem is: It's all an act. Now I have to figure out what to do because I don't know how much longer I can keep up the illusion. I don't want to keep up the illusion anymore. It's killing me from the inside out. All I want is to be free to be the person I am inside and to be comfortable in my own body.

I guess the reason conservative views get me so worked up is because they have hurt me so deeply. If my parents...my mother really, hadn't been so vocal about their condemnation of lifestyles different from their own, my life might be quite different right now. It isn't like they didn't see me playing with boy's toys, hanging out with boys, and wearing camouflage. They knew I wasn't "normal", yet they never took me to a counselor. I mean, on the surface, my current life is pretty good for the most part. It's just that no one in my life really knows how I suffer inside. Accepting myself and being honest about who I am is going to be a tough road. I'm pretty much expecting to lose my family and most of my friends over it...something I feel wouldn't happen if the people I knew weren't so dang conservative.

Anyway, so don't leave the forums. Hang around. Keep voicing your opinions. When people disagree with you, it helps you figure out where you stand on issues. So, I hope we can be cool and all. I think you write well and are mature for your age. I'll try not to be a bully. Shake?

[Guest KellyGirl]

I've seen your posts. sure they are contrary to popular opinion but certainly not undesired. without contrary opinion debates get stale. but yes I can see how you have ruffled some feathers. it wasn't your intention, so your apology is to say sorry to anyone you may have offended unintentional or otherwise. I guess what I mean to say is. you are not unwanted. you didn't offend me, we see the world differently yes. but no you didn't offend me.

[Guest Lee]

You are definately not unwanted. Your apology lets us know you're not trying to offend; you're not being contrary just to be mean or spiteful, but because you are standing up for what you believe. If you truly believe, go for it, and post what you really think. It makes us think about our beliefs, too, and how strongly we'll stick to them. So, basically, stay and keep posting.

[Guest elenag]

blackkatsen:

Since you're young, you may not have experienced that life is a constant series of transformations, and I'm not referring solely to gender transition. I was raised by Jehovah's Witnesses and at one point, around 12 years old, I planned to become fully immersed into that form of theology. It never happened. I'm not going to say it was good or bad thing, but I will say it was just another aspect of my transformation.

Throughout my life I've held a number of strong political opinions ranging from highly conservative to highly liberal, and I got into a lot of trouble. Why? It wasn't because I was offensive. In fact, I was extremely polite and respectful, but in the end it made no difference, and there were three reasons for that. The first is I thought I could convince people to change their minds. They don't, and they won't. I've found that only time anyone ever changes their mind is when they're on the fence and desiring alternate answers. That is rather rare because most people have firmly set opinions and will not be swayed by anything said in a debate.

The second reason is I didn't always respect that time and place are rather important when it comes to debate. I'm not saying this forum is not a place for debate, because obviously a number of debates go on, but understanding the company you're among and metering your response is important if you're finding that you hold a minority opinion.

My last reason, also the most controversial one, is that everyone loves a villain and if there is none, then manufacture one out of closest thing--the person who disagrees with us. There isn't much I can say about that other than don't participate in the debate if you're finding that is occurring. It's a difficult thing to do, but considering that restraint and patience are virtues, I think it's more virtuous to exercise those than to not.

There is more to life than debate and presenting an argument. You will meet people who disagree with you completely on all political matters, but that doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful friendship and share support with them. You don't have to sacrifice your beliefs to be accepted, but it does require knowing who is receptive to sharing them and who is not.

You've said before you're unlikely to ever change your views because they're ingrained very deeply. I don't expect you to want to change your opinions, and I'm not going to tell you which opinions are valid and which aren't, but I know as you age you will find that your beliefs change. The only unknown is whether they change for the better or the worse, but regardless it's an unavoidable aspect of life.

[Guest Snow Angel]

You did not offend me. Every point needs a good devil's advocate, anyway. It makes us think. You are entitled to your opinions. There's nothing wrong with a healthy debate, as long as people realize it's a friendly debate and nobody resorts to hurling insults. Debating can be fun and make us see things from a different perspective.

[Guest Drew]

i wasn't offended. sometimes it's good to have a different opinion, what fun would debating be if everyone just agreed with each other? although, having said that, i can see how some people could have been offended. if those are your opinions then they're your opinions. you're not un-welcome here.

[Guest Kim Smith]

blackkatsen!

First, let me say I am surprised to learn you are 16. I would have guessed you were older.

Second, I agree with the others who say that a healthy debate is good. I have not felt you have crossed any line in your posts where I was involved, though I have, and will continue to challenge you to remember not to judge others by the standards you hold for yourself. That is one of the things I find people of any age have a hard time learning.

Good luck. I hope you stick around.

Kim

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I have yet to be offended, although some of what you said is offensive in that it is the view of people who wish to actively restrict such behaviours and feelings. I do not feel either way about someone's opinion until it comes to affect the lives of other people.

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

I still can't get over the fact he is 16...wow...but I was not offended...

Nick~

[blackkatsen]

Thanks for all your replies. I find that I like to keep going with my points when it comes to debates. Even though this kinda is the wrong place for some of them...

I still can't get over the fact that you can't get over the fact I'm 16. Wait, 16 and a quarter! Does that help you at all?

[Guest Kim Smith]

Sixteen and a quarter - now I understand! (giggle)

I may not agree with you, blackkatzen, but I do like you.

Don't give up, and don't give in!

Kim

[Guest Eveanna]

Hi Blackatzen,

The singer Tom Petty, has a good song you need to listen too. "I won't back down".

As long as we don't break any rules, or laws of our land, "I won't back down".

Press On my friend!

Eveanna

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora BK,

The strong religious beliefs you have expressed in your past posts no doubt have been on par with many other forum members ie, they too once believed what you believe but have had to adapt their beliefs somewhat to accommodate their true selves…Think about this for a moment …if the urge to be your ‘true’ self gets stronger and stronger[if you are transsexual/transgender no doubt this will be the case]…Something will have to give - you’ll have to find a way to amalgamate these ‘natural’ feelings with your religious beliefs…Or drop those beliefs completely...

I would strongly suggest you take heed of what some members have been saying regarding their religious beliefs and try to develop similar coping skills[by using ‘free will’]…

Well as for being offended by any of your posts…any talk of god, sin, hell and damnation is like water off a duck’s back for me, in other words their impact on me is zilch…But I can understand how some of your comments may have offended some within this forum [perhaps ‘offended’ is a too harsher a word - maybe ‘uncomfortable’ would be a better term] – especially for those who are struggling/coming to terms with their religious upbringing and their gender identity…

However in saying that, the only thing I feel is a deep sense of compassion towards you, knowing full well the struggle that you are facing or will face on your journey of discovery and acceptance…Your need to remain a member of this forum is just as great as it is for those who may not share your strong religious conviction …On a brighter note!!! you are young enough and intelligent enough to overcome the obstacles that lay a head...

Everyday we learn something new…if this was not the case, we would all be living in the past…BK as a member of Laura's playground you have a great opportunity to learn and grow - becoming a well balanced/adjusted human being…don’t let this opportunity slip away…

Metta Jendar