(Very Serious Topic!) I Feel Like A Lesbian Trapped In A Male Body

[Guest Pellinore]

Okay, the title probably sounds very ridicoulus and stupid. First of all, i'm bisexual, and if i were to transition i would still be.

The only probably is that i feel...like a more manly female..i would wear pants instead of skirts (tight pants!) and things like that, i'm also not into the pink and fluffy things like many transsexuals seem to be. You can say that i'm not a mtf! but don't make me begin to sum up the reason i feel like a woman..besides, i can only have sex if i imagine being a woman...i can't get that manly feeling males seem to have..its impossible, and imagining being a male is a turn off for me. thats just one reason, i can make a whole list. but it makes me confused that i'm not so into pink and fluffy things and still feel female..it somehow makes no sense when i see how transsexuals are portrayed, especially after seeing transamerica just now ^^..i feel feminine..just not THAT much..i would rather want to look cool as a female then look silly. does this actually makes sense to someone? it doesn't to me. if i was only attracted to men and felt female it would be much easier...but i should go see a gender therapist! i'm working on it. my parents know about it, my psychiatrist..everything is fine..i think i even got the diagnose already, but when i got diagnosed i was still a drug user..and they said i had to wait untill i was clean..because drugs + hormones = overkill. but the psychiatrist who made the stupid diagnose (after tons of tests and talking) is someone else then the one i have now..grr..i wish i could get some testosterone blockers because all this is going to slow..i already came out a year ago lol.

[Guest jrm]

no it's not weird in fact you just described me perfectly except the being out part

[Guest Elizabeth K]

You are a victim of thinking like everyone else outside the community. We transgender are just people. We MTF have no need to be 'feminine in pink and frilly things.' We are just like natal women, as we have some 'girly-girl' clothes, but most are just everyday.

We are not 'fetish' dressers. So your feelings are typical - just be yourself

As to 'a lesbian trapped in a male body' - you need to rethink that phrasing. Again that is what those who despise us might say. Again, let me say transpeole are just people like everyone else. We are just victims of a condition where what we really are, doesn't match what people see physically us as.

Lizzy

[Guest Pellinore]

Yes i think to much. I should just be who i am and not question it to much, and let some gender therapist do the thinking for me ^^. sorry for the title. now that i don't have to worry about getting high every day..i suddenly have worse things to worry about ..drugs was a way to escape myself and the confusioin..i need to seek support..i hate it that my next meeting with the psych is over 4 weeks..by then all these anti-d won't keep me sane ^^.

[Milly]

you would be surprised how many of us are just like you. Myself I've been out for close to a year now. I want a feminine body but I still love guy clothes. I love girl clothes too but I like to have opttions I feel im almost eccentric with how I am. Darker clothes one day, bright stuff the next. We are who we are. As for the sex thing, well I honestly couldn't say, its different for everyone. Gender is fluid, sex is fluid, its ever changing and stuff. Everyones a bit different. You would not believe the stuff that helps me... anywho >_> I guess just be your self and to splech with what people think about it

[Guest DawnK]

I consider myself to be 'a lesbian trapped in a male body.' Given a choice, I'd go with a woman everytime, but I have thought about being with a man and I even have seen some that I would say I'm attracted to. But I don't daydream about being with a man.

When I came out to the ex as a cross dresser and my thoughts of wanting to be a woman, it was my hope that she could accept the person I was and stay with me. She really tried, but despite the fact that I didn't have plans to seek surgery, she just couldn't see me the same way anymore. I always knew she preferred a manly man, but accepted me as I was, until she found out the reason. It was after her heart attack and 5 bypasses that she decided it was time for us to separate. I can't blame her, life is short and if you're not happy, do something to change it and that's what I was trying to do. Thankfully though, we remain good friends and I could call on her for just about anything other than a physical relationship.

Anyway, thanks to the internet, I've found that there are a lot of others who enjoy, think, fear, or seek some of the same things that I do. The hard part sometimes is just accepting it.

[Guest Melissa 67]

Hey, It's not about the clothes, it's about being a women.Either dresses and pumps, shorts t-shirt and flip-flops, skirts, jeans, we all seem to have different wants and desires, or a slightly different take on this whole being trans-sexual thing. At least thats what I get from these forums. So everybody is a little different.

Love

Melissa 67

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Yeah.....

The very last people that should be stereotyping us is ourselves....

I love the frillies, I love to be comfortable...clothes don't make the girl, though...

You can put a gorilla in a tux and they will still sit at the dinner table with their elbows on the table...

Huggs

Donna jean

[Guest sarah f]

There is no right or wrong way to be a girl. Dress and act like you want. Don't let someone tell you have to like pink orfrilly things. My wife doesn't like pink things. Just be yourself and be happy.

[Guest kennerzzz]

The others are absolutly correct - there is no one way to be a woman.

A lot of women hate pink, frilly things. I, in fact, prefer structure to frilly (I'll get my hands on a vintage swing dress someday!!! (oh, 1950's..)), and I feel very uncomfortable in skirts and dresses, although I love them so much! I just feel strange without pants on... Ha!

Being trans does not define the way you act, or necessarily who you are. Being trans is more about how others view you. Just be yourself!

Best of luck,

- Kaitlin

[Guest Pamela5]

Interesting subject. I originally thought I was a lesbian trapped in a mans body but after a year of HRT, an orci ,and living full time things have changed. I am now attracted to and am intimate with men. I think estrogen eliminated the fears of who I was and allowed me to accept that I was truly a woman inside and I was able to let myself experience intimacy as a woman. I am quite happy as a feminine submissive woman.

Pam

[Guest Orva26]

Hey Pellinore,

We're kind of opposites in some regard. I'm not sure if I am bisexual but I think I'm definitely at least bi-curious. I also imagine myself as having sex as a woman but usually I'm imagining myself with a man in those cases. I'm also finding as I continue to think on these things that I am beginning to become attracted to men. And I like the idea of getting to be their girlfriend. That isn't really to confusing by itself. What I am having a hard time wrapping my head around is that I actually have enjoyed having sex as a male. That fact and my autogynophilic tendencies is really what is making my world topsy turvey.

I also don't foresee myself as rocking the pink and frilly look. It just isn't my style, too flashy I guess. I wouldn't shy away from purple though, that color rocks! I probably wouldn't wear super girlie clothing either, rather I'd probably just wear whatever I feel like and that's generally what I've seen/heard transpeople do.

Also, don't worry about people calling you out here. One of the great things about this place is its inclusiveness. Plus if people haven't called me out with all my insanity you're just fine.

[Guest Pellinore]

Yes ^^, this place is great, thanks to this place i have allowed myself to be as i feel..i should have come here much much earlier! now back to that eyeliner! i will get it right this time!

[Guest Sarah]

Hello, fellow belgian :--)

Don't worry about steotypes so much

I'm living fulltime as a gil for about 1,5 years now, And I'm kind of a tomboy, I have only one dress, one skirt and one pink item in my wardrobe, the rest are jeans, t-shirts etc. quite the tomboy, if not unisex look.

There really is no need to be so feminin, (that's part of the reason I dress tomboyish, Because I rebel a little against stereotypes).

grtz & hugs,

Sarah xxx

ps: There is also a belgian support group site/forum for teenagers and young adults until the age of 30, we even have meetings every 2 months or so.

www.T-jong.be is the site (If I'm allowed to promote it?)

for further info you can always pm me!

[Guest Temmy]

Stereotypes are just another way that the anti-Trans world tries to get to us, my darling. I fill some gender stereotypes (I love embroidery, baking, cooking, flowers, pink etc) but I also fulfil a lot of male ones (Love Scifi novels, do well in Maths, Science and Politics), and in some respects I fill both or neither!

As for sexual identity, I'm bisexual but there's no reason that every trans person should be straight (or 'gay' in their original body). Don't try and fulfil what other people expect of you, fulfil what YOU expect of you!

x

[Guest Orva26]

Don't really want to hi-jack the topic but I can't just let this sit:

As for sexual identity, I'm bisexual but there's no reason that every trans person should be straight (or 'gay' in their original body).

I agree with the sentiment 100% but I am curious of one thing. Has being bisexual caused you any additional concern in regards to your gender? For example, I'm concerned as to whether or not my concerns of gender identity might really just be a result of repressing bisexuality which I'm also beginning to come to terms with. You don't need to answer if you don't wanna but I am curious.

[Guest Pellinore]

Hello, fellow belgian :--)

Don't worry about steotypes so much

I'm living fulltime as a gil for about 1,5 years now, And I'm kind of a tomboy, I have only one dress, one skirt and one pink item in my wardrobe, the rest are jeans, t-shirts etc. quite the tomboy, if not unisex look.

There really is no need to be so feminin, (that's part of the reason I dress tomboyish, Because I rebel a little against stereotypes).

grtz & hugs,

Sarah xxx

ps: There is also a belgian support group site/forum for teenagers and young adults until the age of 30, we even have meetings every 2 months or so.

www.T-jong.be is the site (If I'm allowed to promote it?)

for further info you can always pm me!

Heey! i really have some questions, i'm so happy to see a belgian here *is very relieved*. I sent you a mail on monday, have to go to a friend in the netherlands for the weekend! (to try out makeup and go shopping for clothes with her >.<)

[Guest Sarah]

Well... I haven't gotten an email from you... :s

Are you sure you've typed in the right adress?