Worse Thing

[Guest therisa]

Yesterday, my mom left a message on my voicemail, asking me to call her. Here’s the problem with her message, she still refuses to use Therisa, when addressing me. What the heck, do I have to do, to her, to understand the importance of hearing Therisa, when she talks to me? I know, if I phone her, I will say things, which I will regret afterwards. Mainly, things that would hurt her, deeply. I know she wants me, to spend Christmas with her, but that’s a non-starter for me. Refuse to be stuck at her place, considering she lives in a Snowbelt area and whiteouts are normal occurrence there. Then, there is the possibility of having to face my brother, again. At the best of times, it’s a cold war between us, just waiting for the outbreak of hostilities, between us. Rather spend the holiday season, by myself, then having to deal with this added stress in my life.

Rather be dead, than having to face this holiday nightmare, of mine. Not I am planning to kill myself, just how I feel on this subject. I know, if I don’t respond, in a couple of days, she will continue to phone me, until I. She just doesn’t get it!!! I have tried to educate her.

[JJ]

Hi Theresa,

It sounds like a short unpleasant phone call is unavoidable now but it beats a nightmarish visit. We cannot chose our families and sometimes circumstances dictate that we walk away from them.

Basically you don't have to say anything you don't want to say to her. A statement that it will not be healthy for you to be there at this time should be enough. You have been growing stronger lately-perhaps most visible to those of us watching your progress than it actually feels to you. You don't have to argue with her or give your reasons. Even though you will always be her child you have your own life now and the right to make your own choices.

I hope it goes better than you expect and you can put thoughts of your family behind you.

Hugs

John

[Guest therisa]

But first, I have to find where I put my silly cellphone, John. Have misplaced it in my apartment again. Sigh.

therisa

[Carolyn Marie]

But first, I have to find where I put my silly cellphone, John. Have misplaced it in my apartment again. Sigh.

therisa

LOL! I've done that myself, Therisa. If you have a landline phone, or can use someone else's, call yourself

and the ring should guide you to it.

Regarding your post, I agree with John. Don't get into a huge argument with your mother - it won't do either of you any good. Just explain why you cannot go there for the holidays, and perhaps explain that her refusal

to address you properly is just one of the many reasons. Hopefully she will get the message, but if she doesn't, at least you won't have to face her.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest therisa]

Honestly, Carolyn, my mom will play the guilt card on me, trying to shame me, into changing my mind. Never fails. The major reason, I don't return her calls.

therisa

[Guest Donna Jean]

But first, I have to find where I put my silly cellphone, John. Have misplaced it in my apartment again. Sigh.

therisa

*DON'T MOVE!*

IT'S GOTTA BE HERE

SOMEPLACE!

Donna Jean

[Guest therisa]

Gee thanks, Donna Jean. If only life was that easy, with finding lost items in my apartment. Sigh.

therisa

[Guest Elizabeth K]

John nails it!

It's actually VERY unhealthy to ANYWHERE around your brother. And it is dangerous.

Tell you mother that. I she 'guilt trips' you - tell her about what he did to you i IN DETAIL. If she calls you a liar, then - wow, you are off the hook! If she says she will protect you, then get her to swear to it. Tell her if she fails, she wil never see you again.

Stand your ground! You have worked too hard getting sane!

Love you!

Lizzy

[JJ]

Therisa-the other day my daughter couldn't find her very expensive cell phone we had to sign a long contract to get. So she called it. Can you imagine how she felt when the mug of water in the sink began to vibrate and sort of warble? A cat had batted it into the sink where it landed in the mug.

It was developed for military use and is water and shock resistant-but not water proof. Sloshed when handled. But it did dry out nicely and still mostly works.

As awful as she felt about it I still can't help laughing about the vibrating warbling mug in the sink

Hope you find your phone soon.

Hugs

John

[Guest therisa]

Ok, I found my cellphone, last night, it was inbetween the crack of the sofa. Guess, I must have pushed it there, in my sleep. Feel silly, now about it. As visiting my mom, it's not going to happen, anytime soon, Elizabeth. I am no shape, mentally, to be around her. I would take her word about my brother anyways, he would just push his way through her, if he wanted to get at me. There is more, I want to share, but that will be another post, later today.

therisa