Musings On Gender Identity...

[Guest Orva26]

Oh, now I understand better. Seems like you have a lot on your plate. I don't know how to handle a partner as it is my plan that I should figure this out before committing to another relationship. You pose very interesting questions. But I must caution you on one thing estrogen alone is not a good idea. You won't really get an effect. You NEED the testosterone blocked because otherwise its presence will override the estrogen. Plus, it can't be healthy to have both male levels of testosterone and female levels of estrogen, both of them have other functions aside from producing sex-characteristics. Now I'm no MD and I can't even fall back on my chemistry degree for this one since it isn't my area but common sense is telling me you won't get what you want with just estrogen and you'll actually probably do physical harm to your body.

I can understand what you mean by socially presenting as transgendered but with a female body. I might end up the same way. I'm confident that I want a female visage but, unless the mental effects of hormones are stronger than I think, how I present socially will not be particularly girlie. I'll probably be wearing gender ambiguous clothing, jeans and plain shirts most of the time but I have a feeling that I'll kind of oscillate between more typically feminine clothing and a more tom-boyish look. I will constantly have long hair though, oh how I miss that magnificence! Cut it short to 'improve' my look for job interviews but now I'm going to grow it back and I won't take any flack about it from anyone!

I don't really have any advice on how to handle the issue with your partner but I wish you luck.

-Orva

[Guest Sally G.]

Like you Ovra I am no MD. The discussion as to what an appropriate hormone regime might be to achieve what I need is would need to be between me and an endocrinologist. My partner also would need to be comfortable with the outcome. If there is going to be a contentious area between my partner and myself it is likely to be in this area. But I am clear that my greatest need is relief from gender dysphoria and at the end of the day this is a body-phenotype dysphoria and that relief is likely to require at least some form of HRT.

Gender roles and gender presentation are separate issues.

Gender roles are no longer rigid and although there are tasks or activities that are historically more masculine or more feminine I am comfortable doing either already, some I am more skilled at and some my partner is more skilled at. My partner and I share many of the daily chores that traditionally were seen as either a woman's or a man's task.

Gender presentation - my biggest frustration here is that male gender presentation is much narrower than female gender presentation. Males as a rule don't use make-up or wear jewelry and the colour, cut and fabric choice for male clothing is limited when compared with the choice available to women. Just going to the mall or a large chain store and comparing cut colour and fabric between men and womens clothes make this obvious. I have just realised that this area of gender presentation is where the gender binary is strongest.

And then there is gender identity - which as I discuss above is neither male nor female for me but somewhere in the trans spectrum. I prefer the term trans which for me implies a third gender rather thatn terms such as mixed gender or blended gender which seem to reinforce the gender binary.

Aroha

Sally

[Guest Lily B]

That is the greatest compliment ever. You're awesome!! =]=]

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

Gender presentation - my biggest frustration here is that male gender presentation is much narrower than female gender presentation. Males as a rule don't use make-up or wear jewelry and the colour, cut and fabric choice for male clothing is limited when compared with the choice available to women. Just going to the mall or a large chain store and comparing cut colour and fabric between men and womens clothes make this obvious. I have just realised that this area of gender presentation is where the gender binary is strongest.

I almost agree with you on everything here but I've noticed a lot of guys have started wearing earings lately (maybe just in my area and in my highschool but there is a trend). There isn't much other jewelry I've noticed too many boys wearing and I do agree that there are fewer options in the clothing department for guys but earings are starting to become common. It's also pretty obvious that guys aren't supposed to wear make-up. Has anyone else noticed more male earings lately or is it just a trend where I live?

[Guest Orva26]

I wish you luck Sally. It seems like you're going to end up on a slippery slope in regards to regulating your needs with HRT and your partners desires. I hope you both can come out on top.

Gender roles are no longer rigid and although there are tasks or activities that are historically more masculine or more feminine I am comfortable doing either already, some I am more skilled at and some my partner is more skilled at. My partner and I share many of the daily chores that traditionally were seen as either a woman's or a man's task.

This is very true. I myself am capable of both car maintenance and cooking. Actually engaged in both of those a short while ago. This social fact will work to my advantage because it will still let me be guyish, i.e. enjoying pubs, video games, rock 'n roll, etc. while having that nice soft girl body.

Gender presentation - my biggest frustration here is that male gender presentation is much narrower than female gender presentation. Males as a rule don't use make-up or wear jewelry and the colour, cut and fabric choice for male clothing is limited when compared with the choice available to women. Just going to the mall or a large chain store and comparing cut colour and fabric between men and womens clothes make this obvious. I have just realised that this area of gender presentation is where the gender binary is strongest.

Yeah, you are completely right and I'm realizing that more and more. Now that I've obtained the super power/curse (depending on mood it could be either) of observing woman studiously I am paying attention to their clothing. Its making a lot of sense why it would always take my female friends so much longer to get ready. They just have so many choices, its crazy! Colors, cuts, skirts, pants, leggings, shoes, and that's just the clothes! Its nuts! And kind of neat.

I'm actually filled with a kind of sadness when I walk past the woman's section because its a wondrous land of pretties that I don't fit in to yet. I know I could shop in the woman's section as I am but it isn't just that I want clothes. For example I was in a department store yesterday and I walked past a display of bras and I thought, "Such a selection and such colors! Even woman's undergarments are expressive." but that was immediately followed by the realization that I don't need them yet. Sure I could buy a bra or two but I just don't see the point in that when I lack my own breast. And that lack made me kind of sad.

Guys don't really get versatility in cloths. Pretty much the biggest decision I've got to make when dressing fancy now is pleated or not pleated pants. Other thing is that at least in my experience I have pretty much never decided to make a statement with my clothing. It just isn't something I've done or think many males do, whereas woman do it frequently I feel.

I almost agree with you on everything here but I've noticed a lot of guys have started wearing earings lately (maybe just in my area and in my highschool but there is a trend). There isn't much other jewelry I've noticed too many boys wearing and I do agree that there are fewer options in the clothing department for guys but earings are starting to become common. It's also pretty obvious that guys aren't supposed to wear make-up. Has anyone else noticed more male earings lately or is it just a trend where I live?

Male earrings is nothing new to me. Its been going on since highschool BUT most of the guys that do it only pierced one ear and it was done for the purpose of gauging (the process of putting in progressively larger earrings so as to stretch the skin of the ear). Mostly the rocker/punk guys were the ones that did it. I actually ended up sort of fitting into that category but gauging never appealed to me so I never had a piercing done. Now if you mean guys in your area are just wearing normal earrings than that is something completely different.

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

I'm realizing that more and more. Now that I've obtained the super power/curse (depending on mood it could be either) of observing woman studiously I am paying attention to their clothing. Its making a lot of sense why it would always take my female friends so much longer to get ready. They just have so many choices, its crazy! Colors, cuts, skirts, pants, leggings, shoes, and that's just the clothes! Its nuts! And kind of neat.

Guys don't really get versatility in cloths. Pretty much the biggest decision I've got to make when dressing fancy now is pleated or not pleated pants.

This is kind of funny but one time, even without too many options, I still took thirty minutes to get dressed. I was thinking about how formally or informally I should dress as well as which pants to go with which shirt and socks (only three things to consider)! The reason I had to decide how formally or informally to dress was because of a lenient and unstated dress code. I realized that if I wanted the really formal pants there wouldn't be too many shirts to choose from that weren't casual and of the formal shirts, some of them were solid color, some had pen pockets and the only things that didn't vary were the facts that they were all dark coloured (not the same color though) and they all had collars. The previous sentence makes it sound like I had a lot of shirts but there were only about six as opposed to countless shirts I could've chosen if I had remained a little more casual. The socks would depend on the pants and it seems silly that I considered what socks to wear when they'd be almost entirely covered by my shoes (a bit would still show but not much). I eventually decided to choose the very dressy pants and I went with a brown collered shirt with thin gray stripes that didn't make the shirt make any less formal than it would without the stripes. It's kind of funny that I spent all that time coming up with something so simple but it doesn't normally take that long.

Normally I just pick the plainest shirt I can find and make a quick decision regarding the pants. The reason I pick plain shirts is just a stealthy habit of mine to avoid sending any messages at all. It seems silly to think that if I wear shirts with logos or bold colours I would be sending messages to people but I try to be careful anyway. I don't even wear tourist shirts (no matter how good they look) because I don't even want people to think I travel a lot or know people that travel.

It seems like something so far away since I'm still a dependent and I'm only taking baby-steps towards coming out (there are people I have told) but if I were to transition I would probably end up being an exageration of the generalization that women take forever to get dressed.