Did You Ever Believe You Were Cisgendered?

[Guest Samurai_Kid]

For the first, eh, twelve years of my life I had the firm belief I was a tomboy, just a tomboy. I would grow up to be an awesome woman.

All the signs of being FtM were there, but I never identified as a boy (though I did technically think I was a MtF, or was intersex, due to my poor understanding of biology as a kid). I just thought I was boyish, just had different interests from other girls.

Though at age eleven or so I had started disliking being called by either gender, I didn't start thinking twice about it until age twelve. I can't recall why I started being suspicious though. I supposed I was so curious about gender, that my interest made me wonder.

[Guest Tiaria]

I know I did, up until a short while ago.

In hindsight, there have been plenty of moments which should have gotten me thinking. Oddly, they didn't...

If memory serves, about a fifth, to a quarter of all transsexuals self identify with the alternate gender from the start. The rest doubt their gender, either from the start, or later.

Anyone, feel free to correct me!

[Guest Orva26]

Lets see I'd say for a good 12-13 years at the beginning of my life I had no real thoughts of being transgendered, didn't even know it existed as a possibility until I saw a commercial for a special about both mtf and ftm on the Discovery channel. I knew my parents would never have let me watch it but sometimes I wonder if I would be in a different place now if I watched it anyway. There were little hints before then, had mostly female friends, apparently engaged in games like house and dr., my silent curiosity at girls toys though that was mainly wondering why dolls lacked genitalia, the curiosity at being in one of my female friend's room and all the stuff she had there.

But it wasn't until puberty 12 or 13 I don't recall exactly that my TG inclinations began. And then they were autogyenophilic in nature. I was not until around four months ago at the age of 23 that I have stopped to ponder as to why? That's why I am here.

[Guest N. Jane]

I certainly did. Up to age 8 I thought I was a girl - I was certain of it. Starting school at age 5 was very confusing because everybody wanted to put me with the boys and I didn't understand that. It wasn't until age 8 that I realized I had a BIG problem.

[Guest Lily B]

I always knew there was something not quite right, but I didn't think there was anything I could do about it so I thought I was pretty much gonna need to just conform and put it out of my head.

[Guest cerise]

For brief periods here and there my sexuality was not a concern . At around grade 5 were the first days of of my female spirits awakening . There were instances earlier but that is when i can put a time to it . My family moved and any kind of Tg feelings were mild and unfocused .

This is the first time I am aquainted with the term . I always just a=called those types straight.

[Guest Carter L]

It's not so much that I was consciously cisgendered, but that I didn't care and never thought about anything other than, y'know, being a girl because that's just how things were. I wasn't uncomfortable with my body, especially since I had the make-all-the-boys-jealous ability to get "straight" girls to fall for me. I didn't have any dysphoria until I was in a steady relationship for 9 months and was finally able to de-stress enough from my daily life (I've had a hard time and gone through a lot of nasty things since 7th grade, this was three years later). After that, I realized that maybe I wasn't exactly at peace with my body even though I knew how to make myself look good and was able to please everyone else. I stopped and thought about whether I was focusing on pleasing myself with my appearance or pleasing others. I decided that I was definitely focusing on what others expected and not how I felt as a person.

[Guest Samurai_Kid]

I can't say I cared either.

I've never been a gender bound person, so I never really put much thought into it. Even when I was going through early puberty, I never had a hardcore gender identity like most kids do.

I called myself a girl, and thought of myself as a girl, because that's what people thought of me as so.

[Guest Cowboy]

I did. Up until middle school, and even after puberty struck I thought i was just a guy with an awkward problem. Then my mom used the term "you're turning into a woman" and then it hit me that I wasn't a male.

even as a kid, I would get asked if I was a boy or girl and my friends would say girl, but then I'd correct em and say "no I'm a tomboy". Cause I thought a boy and tomboy were the same thing.

I grew to hate the are you a boy or a girl question though. Cause I always had to say girl knowing I was a guy on the inside.

[Guest CrimsonEdge]

I always knew I was a boy, although a 'different' kind of boy. I always knew that I wasn't a girl and somehow, when I grow up, I'll be a man. And it all seemed so obvious that I never saw myself as a female grown-up. Those illusions were so much better than the present reality.

[Guest Roxanna L]

I simply believed what I had been told, from the start. So yes, I did believe I was cisgendered.

Today is a different matter.

[Guest SuperKali]

It was complicated for me. I "knew" I was a boy because everyone told me I was. I loved barbies and dressing up in my moms clothes and when my sister was born I played with all her toys, but everyone said I was a boy so that's what I was.

Then about 4 years ago, after 10 years of being "one of the girls" with my friends at school, I found out about TG and it got me thinking a lot about my past.

So here I am, 4 years later, starting my journey finally in the right direction.

[Guest SidESlicker]

Yeah, definately.

I never thought about gender when I was a kid. I grew up with Sesame Street, Disney and the Powerpuff Girls, where the message was always "everyone is different and wonderful and so are you."

So I grew up knowing that I, like everyone was, was different and wonderful. And it never bothered me, because I grew up in that freedom of expression age where it was encouraged for boys to wear pink and all the comercials on TV were about construction sites recruiting women and rah rah rah, empowerment.

When I joined the queer community, diverse gender expression was encouraged and supported. I was part of a drag king troupe, where gender play and pronouns were always up in the air, and my closest group of friends was a "queer" group made up of trannies and gender queer folk.

Everyone was completely fine with who I was, how I presented myself and never put pressure on me to be one way or the other.

So yeah, considering that maybe I want to be the other gender, and not a woman who identifies as a, b, or c, but rather as a trans man was kind of weird for me, because I was never really told that I had to be one or the other.

Just my story though.

[guest]

The way I explained it to myself was..

First, that I was male (the entire body thing). While I had different interests than other guys, that was fine because I figured I was simply a unique male. At times I wasn’t happy being male (and would have preferred female), but wishing doesn’t accomplish much

In my teens I began explaining my varying interests through having different sides to my internal state (giving each different names). This is because I felt different day to day. When I sat down and thought out as many different “me’s” there were, I came out to about half male and half female. I still think this is a semi good way to explain people, no one feels or is the same day to day. ..we have different moods and personalities that surface in different instances.

But eventually somewhere along the way my drastically opposed sides seems to have sorted things out (some were replaced by better understanding of people, like the ability to be bisexual and be attracted to both). Though, I also slowly started to identify more and more towards female (but, again, I figured there wasn’t much that could be done about the entire body thing). At first manifesting again as completely separate personalities in online games (I wasn’t comfortable thinking of them as “me”, it was easier to dismiss them as just having fun playing a role). That moved to being just me playing me as I joined more communities and joined things that weren’t about playing a character.

Today the best explanation is just that the majority of my gender is female with some male in there (though, I'm questioning how much of that is hormonal and would change if I started HRT).

[Guest ShortyT]

Yup, up until I found out that ftm transsexuals actually existed. Then things clicked into place and started making sense.

[Guest Cynthia Of Creation]

Yup, up until I found out that ftm transsexuals actually existed. Then things clicked into place and started making sense.

Nice Avatar You Can Never Can go wrong with wolverine!

back to thread,

Not Realy, I tried convincing my self time and time again only to merely fail at lying to my self.

PS: I just found out like two seconds that cisgendered means like gender matches sex

[Guest chngnwnd]

When I met the she-devil who is now my ex, I fell completely in love with her. That was right when I was getting ready to come out. However, after I met her and fell in love, it all went away. I still don't understand it, but for a few years I had no dysphoria. Of course it came back full force with interest, but for awhile it was gone and I assumed that I was not really transgendered, I just had not met the right person. Since I am here, you know how that worked out for me.

hugs

Bobbi