Is There Some Rule I Don't Know About?

[Guest GabrielMori]

Hi all! I am seventeen years old- and please don't tell me I'm going through a phase because I'm too young to know what I am.

I'm not really sure what I count as. I'm a bio girl but I've known for years- as in, since I was about ten- that I don't want to be. I don't want children and I don't want to have s*x at any point in my life. I've always known that I wanted to adopt when I'm older but I do not want to actually do it myself. I don't want any of the "parts" that go with being a girl but I don't want male ones either. What's the point if I have absolutely no use for them, huh?

When my grandma found out I didn't want to have kids she said I would change my mind when I was older and more mature, a.k.a. "smarter". Then she turned to my mom and asked her "don't you want to be a grandmother some day?" like it's somehow up to her whether I have kids or not. My mom told her that I was planning on adopting and that she would accept them as her own. That's a running problem with my grandparents because me and my, gay, brother are her step-grandchildren and my grandpa never forgets to tell people that my little brother is his only grandson, which has caused MAJOR fights on holidays we go see them.

So, uh, back to the point. What am I exactly if I don't want to be either gender exactly?

Thanks to anyone who replies!

[Guest Opal]

Hi GabrielMori,

There are others far more qualified to answer this than I am, and hopefully they will see this and answer you.

Have you researched Androgyny ? Possibly this might have some answers for you. Here is a link to Laura's information.

Androgyny

Hugs,

Opal

[Guest GabrielMori]

Hi GabrielMori,

There are others far more qualified to answer this than I am, and hopefully they will see this and answer you.

Have you researched Androgyny ? Possibly this might have some answers for you. Here is a link to Laura's information.

Androgyny

Hugs,

Opal

I just took the Bem Sex Role inventory test and was given this result:

"You scored 59.167 out of 100 masculine points, 42.5 out of 100 feminine points, and 53.333 out of 100 androgynous (neutral) points."

I don't know if I understand it correctly but I seem to be pretty even all around for each category. What does this mean exactly? I'm confused.

[Guest Opal]

People here have pretty much found that the various on-line gender tests fall short on helping oneself.

I would take the test results with a grain of salt at this point.

If at all possible, one should seek out a Gender Therapist to help guide them.

Please keep in mind that you are not alone, and the feelings you feel are not unusual in the least.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest sarah f]

I know it doesn't help right now but Opal is right in that a Gender Therapist will be able to help you figure out just what you want or need. Just from what you explain, I would say you are in the andro range but again I am not a therapist and they would be able to help more.

Good Luck

[Drea]

The tests like that don't mean a whole lot in my opinion.

What ever your parenet/grandparents feel about your obligation as far as carrying on the line, well ultimatly its your life.

So what if you don't want to be either gender. There is lots of middle ground and don't confuse interests and presentation preferences with gender.

One's interests and priorities do change with time. It is kind of common for adults to tell their children something will change in a specific way when they become adults. That may or may not happen, but change in some way almost certainly happen. Not in specific ways, not with anything. Change is part of life.

[Guest SidESlicker]

Hon, deep breath and calm down the angry side of you that wants to beat your family down. Even if you have a really good reason.

What's between your legs doesn't mean squat. Sex and gender are two very very different things. Not wanting a penis doesn't make you any less of a man that you maybe are. Accepting your vagina and your body doesn't make you more of a woman.

Your gender identity is completely seperate of what's in your pants and the way that you have sex. Some transguys love having penetrational sex, others can't think about it. Niether is more of a man than the other.

Let me make this clear though. Just because you feel you don't make a good girl, or you don't live to up the traditional standards of being a woman that your family is putting on you, doesn't make you a man either. That's for you to discover. Don't assume your identity through a process of elimination.

Last point: You're allowed to express your gender however way you want. Identifying your gender as a man doesn't mean you have to go all masculine and butch. If you want to be that giant question mark in the grocery store that everyone wonders about, then go for it, and be proud about it. Androgyny is both an identity and an expression that should be embraced.

Best of luck to you kid.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

"What are you?" You're you. Asking if you're male or female is like asking where a certain book belongs in the library. Many fit nicely into categories, but there are those which don't. They're still books even when they don't have a category.

Bottom line, it doesn't matter which one you are. You don't even have to declare you're somewhere in-between, because it's not a spectrum. It's not even a grid. You are your desires and memories. It's data that can't be quantified and is hard enough just to sort.

If a woman came up to me, pregnant, nursing, high heels, carrying a purse, whatever you normally consider female-only activities, and said "I actually consider myself a man", I'd be like "Okay. What do you want to do about that?" So long as his/her response doesn't involve hurting herself or anyone else, I'd say "sounds good."

In response to the topic title, there are no rules. Figure out what you want. Weigh the pros and cons of all the scenarios. Pick the path that's best for you, not the one that "fits".

Does that make any sense?

[Guest Emily Ray]

Gabriel,

I went to a transgender health conference in Minnesota last spring. While there I had the opportunity to sit in on a discussion with genetic males and females who felt completely outside of the gender continuum. They didn't want to be called sir or ma'am and although they didn't have a name for themselves they knew that transman or transwoman or adrogyne wasn't right either. There was at least twenty people in the room. The two facilatators of the discussion were a genetic woman who dressed as a man and a genetic man who had been on HRT for several years, but didn't present as a woman. I don't know what they call themselves, but I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings.

I know this isn't much help, but it is all I know of this subject.

Huggs

Emily