Womens Clothing In Male Mode

[Guest MonikaC]

I know quite a few of you out there start off wearing a little bit of women's clothing and build up until everything you wear is women's. I've heard some say that it helps acclimate those around you so that when you end up coming out to them, it is not that big of a shock. I am a bit conflicted about this personally. Let me just say that this is not a judgement on anyone that has done this, but rather I'm seeking some understanding.

I am super sensitive about being seen as a freak or pervert. I am NOT a guy who likes girl clothes, bit I feel that is how I would be seen if I were to start doing this. I know that most people wouldn't even notice, but that fear is still there.

For those who are doing this now, did you have the same fears? If so, how did you over come them?

Monika

[Guest SuperKali]

I do that every weekend usually. I was terrified that people would say awful things about me at first. At this point I notice people stare occasionally, but honestly I think I've just given up on caring what they think about my clothing.

I don't know if it's the same for you, but my biggest hang up was the religious "Super Mormon" types. But they seem to be the ones that actually clam up and have nothing to say more than others.

[Guest paddy]

I dress all the time mainly in women's jeans,or denim shorts, knee high stocking under jeans, polo shirts, often lipstick, nail polish, and always, bras, panties with pantie liners (need them sometimes).

Foot wear is my problem area some low heel womens shoes, and male shoes (with wearing orthotics and having a total ankle replacement creates it limitations :)

Patricia

[JenniferB]

I wear all woman's clothing at work except the shoes. And that is I haven't bought them yet. Since I wear a men's 12 shoe, running shoe size 13, woman's shoes that I want and will pass as male and yet a hint of female is hard to find. I wear women's jeans and tops at work. But they are mostly unisex or close enough to where many don't notice it, especially the males. Also I could care less what other co-workers think as long as we can work together. The ones I hang around with, at least the women, probably have figured it out but don't treat me any differently. I wear earrings in both ears, color my hair, started wearing it long when I never did before, use clear cote fingernail polish, and my brows now are definitely more feminine than masculine. Yet no one has mentioned a word.

Jenny

[Guest MonikaC]

Yeah, the "super mormons" are the segment of the population I worry about most here. It's nice to have someone here with experience with that population here. Hmm... maybe I will go out this weekend and see how things go.

[Guest AiAmAngel]

Honestly- I prefer the traditionally all-American "direct" approach. If you want to wear something, put it on

First of all, no one can tell you what to wear. Secondly, in the event someone tries to in an administrative position, this is where a carry letter could come in handy! Even though I've been putting off reading them (and can you blame me? Its 28 pages of legal-talk! LOL), you should really read the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care (SoC for short) so you know what you are and are not allowed to do no matter what any back-water, overly-religious nut says to you

Buy enough clothes to last you a week. Very few people outside your social circle will notice you're clothing change, but they will if you continually swap every other day. *That* could admittedly make anyone uncomfortable.

Also, though its sad to say, it will help to cut some friends out of your immediate social life Needless to say, a year into transition you won't have the same friends anyways. Do a bit of damage control stop talking to any football jocks or that girl who makes you feel like you're in a real life version of Mean Girls 2 Anyone you think won't react kindly probably won't.

I don't like the idea of being labeled as a sexual "deviant" either. . . but really all you can do is limit the people who knew you wore "male" clothes before and deny deny deny if anyone asks. If that's what *you're* comfortable with, of course- as some women do prefer to simply answer and move on.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey....no one wants to be seen as a "Pervert or freak"....

But....sometimes we take baby steps toward where we need to go...

We'll be there eventually anyway....right?

Just do what ever makes you comfortable....

Good Luck

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Emily Ray]

I found a couple pairs of jeans that were cut in a unisex style and wore them. I bought them at a thrift store and paid less then $10.00 each. No one ever commented on them, but I knew and it made me feel better. I also had a bracelet with my name on it. I would look at it throughout the day and it was very reassuring.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest SuperKali]

I can tell you that in general shopping is fine. However, it was very uncomfortable at South Towne Mall. If you're going to go out to a mall dressed they don't bat an eye at Fashion Place. Usually.

[Carolyn Marie]

Monika, there are female versions of a lot of male styles and they won't give you away (not easily, anyway). Turtleneck sweaters,

jeans, low-heeled ankle boots (what I started with) and some button down shirts can all be very androgynous. Some things aren't visible

at all, like panties and ladies T's, but you'll know you have them on, and that helps.

But if you're in an environment where suits are required, it's a lot trickier. You might have to be satisfied with the undies until you

come out.

Carolyn Marie

[Drea]

The real question is, how important are clothes to you to begin with. I known trans folk for whom the clothes are the least of the dysphoria. Seems to me, if the clothes aren't central to your identity, why worry about wearing women's clotes that will pass as male/

I've heard some say that it helps acclimate those around you so that when you end up coming out to them, it is not that big of a shock

I don't know about this, but have seen people do the reverse. Meaning they come out, but effect no big change and only introduce it slowly over time giving people time to come to terms with it.

[Guest sarah f]

Monika you do what makes you happy. If that means waiting to start wearing womens clothes until you are completely out then that is ok. I wear them because it makes me feel better about myself. I am also wearing them so that when I do come out there wont be that shock factor when I show up in womens clothes.

Each of us have our own path to take. Don't force yourself to do one or the other just because it works for someone else. Find one that works for you and go for it.

Good Luck

[Cyndee]

Yeah, the "super mormons" are the segment of the population I worry about most here. It's nice to have someone here with experience with that population here. Hmm... maybe I will go out this weekend and see how things go.

You are right Monika ! They (fundamentalists) are in abundance where you are. Do what feels right for you and go at your own pace. Based on what I see in your posted picture, you should not have many issues, you look great.

For myself I interchange male / female clothes depending on circumstances here. I like to layer, especially when weather is colder. I had a little pink showing through on my exercise walk yesterday

Best

Cindy -

[JenniferB]

Monica I agree with your assessment about being careful in Utah. I don't know your family situation. But if it was me, I'd be looking for the first opportunity to leave that state. That way it would be easier to become yourself.

Jenny

[Sally]

Dear Monica,

People will see you as they choose to, you cannot make anyone think what you want them to so why bother.

If wearing something feminine while in male mode makes you feel better about yourself then do it - if not then don't because preparing anyone for your coming out doesn't really work anyway they will react like they have been programmed to react.

I like to wear some womens clothing all of the time, not just for affirmation but because I find them to be more comfortable - my foot fits better into womens shoes than in mens so I wear low heel loafers that appear somewhat male and trouser socks because they are so much thinner and cooler than mens socks - the same for the panties.

I wear an ankle bracelet with a charm on it that Donna Jean gave me under my socks and a pendant of the trans emblem around my neck but under my shirt because Lizzy gave it to me and that way I have them with me while I am at work - the only place that I still present male.

Do what makes you feel good about yourself.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest MonikaC]

Wow, I didn't think I would get so many responses. I know there are limits to what I will be able to do, especially at work. Our dress code is a shirt and shoes of the brand we sale, so if I were to wear a girls top, it would be pretty obvious. A lot of our customers actually wear girls jeans as they are skinner than men's jeans, and the skinny look is in. Also, most of our shoes are unisex, so I could buy some in a bit more feminine color. That would be something at least.

Cindy, thank you for the compliment! You totally made my day!

I've thought about moving out of Utah several times. I live in the most conservative county in the state even. If I did move, it would be so my son is raised in a more progressive area, not for me. I was born and raised here. This is my home. I lost so many friends when they found out I wasn't Mormon, and that was pretty hard. But I have been in so many arguments with people who say that if I don't like the culture here, I should move. This is just as much my home as it is theirs. I'd rather stay and work to change the close-mindedness of this society than pack up and run. The area is so beautiful and there are a pot of really nice people, it just needs more diversity.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

GRIN

I think the whole idea of wearing clothes when you are transitioning is more of an idea of being comfortable. I mean for me I realzed I am really a woman and that I liked certain clothes because they were a reflectuon of me, what I really am.

BUT

I don't have to wear a dress, or a skirt to work to be the woman I am. It's more a feeling after looking at what you WERE wearing and see what was wrong - those big ugly clunky men's shoes for example (I switched to women's penny loafers) and those terribly heavy socks (I started wearing trouser socks).

And I started wearing necklaces - just turquoise - said I was getting back to my Native American roots (I am 1/4 Melungeon)- same for my pony tail.

Its good to feel like you are in your element - and no one gets all excited and confrontational. So you just keep adding until you hit your comfort level.

Hope this helps

Lizzy

[Guest paddy]

Just a point of interest, I have noticed that when walking around shopping malls, the number

of women dressed in slacks/jeans is extremely common and to see a woman in a skirt/dress is

very rare, where I live, which makes it very easy for me to dress as a woman

without being too obvious.

Patricia :rolleyes:

[Guest Tiaria]

Just a point of interest, I have noticed that when walking around shopping malls, the number

of women dressed in slacks/jeans is extremely common and to see a woman in a skirt/dress is

very rare, where I live, which makes it very easy for me to dress as a woman

without being too obvious.

Patricia :rolleyes:

Seems the trends are a little different, across the pond. I've been keeping an eye (well, two eyes) on what women here seem to wear. (Discretely, of course; I'm no Peeping Tom. )

Here it goes about 50/50 between jeans/slacks and skirts/dresses... And the latter usually wear (my guess, cotton) leggings against the cold, with boots as footwear. I've noticed plenty of fake Uggs, out there, without the label at the lower heel, near the sole... Seems to be a really popular model of boot...

Just me being observant...

Love,

Tiaria

[Guest Bodriz]

I've actually found this thread really useful. I'm really terrified of starting to do something wearing female clothing but I really want to. I'm 17 and live with my parents. But, as I get money, I'm thinking of starting to wear skinny jeans and female T's. I think it's not obvious and will make me feel better.

I dont have much to say here to be honest...

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I've actually found this thread really useful. I'm really terrified of starting to do something wearing female clothing but I really want to. I'm 17 and live with my parents. But, as I get money, I'm thinking of starting to wear skinny jeans and female T's. I think it's not obvious and will make me feel better.

I dont have much to say here to be honest...

Exactly - something not hugely obvious, but makes you feel better.

Lizzy

[Guest MonikaC]

I've actually found this thread really useful. I'm really terrified of starting to do something wearing female clothing but I really want to. I'm 17 and live with my parents. But, as I get money, I'm thinking of starting to wear skinny jeans and female T's. I think it's not obvious and will make me feel better.

I dont have much to say here to be honest...

Do what makes you feel good. It can be hard to find the right balance while not being too obvious, but if they question you, you can always say that's the latest style. Girls ts are more form fitting then men's, but more and more slim fitting tshirts are what most guys are wearing around where I live.

[Guest Bodriz]

I'm glad that alot of the feminine-looking things seem to be coming into style for guys. More and more guys go for the tight fitting things now.

Alice xx

[Guest Arielle]

It's the european style of form fitting clothes that are finally trickling down =D.

I used to wear women's jeans (duh still do ehhehe, woman here!!) all the time and when I was confronted, I'd say that they were italian and the latest style (actually was true), or that I found them on the men's rack and yes sometimes that was also true. But again I'm also european so that really helped. Not to mention that I actually had to shop for a few ex's clothes because they had no sense of modern flattering style.

After a while of wearing the clothes I just stopped caring what other people would think. I'd also call them on it, if they began to hint and I could get their attention elsewhere. It really bothers somewhat insecure people when you confront them about stuff and much of the time it was "What are you staring at?" "Those jeans, are they women's?" "No, actually they're not, they're from Italy and if you haven't noticed recently, the higher end men's styles are more form fitting giving the appearance of being women's. Besides, what if I was wearing women's?" reply "Well then that would be weird." reply to that "What, because I'm secure enough to wear what I like?"

That didn't always turn out the best, but it removed their power which peed them off (insecure people get that way, fun!)

Of course nothing like that happens now since I'm not trying to be someone I'm not. My concern is if they're staring because I'm blending as woman and am attractive, or they see a male under everything. But as time goes by I'm seeing less of the male stuff.

[Guest JustShelly]

Yes I was super sensitive of this at first also.

I now wear almost 100% female attire, but its not entirely noticeable unless looking closely.

I do wear my winter coat, which is an androgynous sports team apparel, my tennies are women's (suttle though) my jeans are very adrogynous to very feminine depends on situation, and my tops are small tees but always covered with a hoodie or coat. I do wear a bra most of the time (need to now)but isn't noticible.

This is 1000% farther then I thought I would ever get. I look fairly androgynous most of the time, but apparently I look more female to most. I constantly get mamm'ed, her, she or whatever other female pronoun is appropriate, without anyone hesitating. I have noticed if anyone does hesitate a little,they don't use a pronoun at all. I have not been sir'ed in probably 4 months now.

I am happy about this but confused at times because I present male always and at times its more male than female but I still get miss gendered, it is awkward when I am with my children.

One thing I do not do is wear heels or any other real feminine shoe, also no earrings or feminine jewelry and I don't have paited nails. I feel if you are going to wear or do this type stuff, then one should be presenting 100% or at least have it androgynous.

I get really frustrated when I see a cd or trans that attemps to pass only half way. I think it makes all trans look bad when someone is dressed in guys jeans, not well shaved, womans jewaerly, mans coat,painted nails, and HIGH HEELS! I have just run into someone doing this at a local department store. Even if I was not trans my self I could spot him/her a mile away.

I am basically doing the same but I am ALOT more suttle in my approach.

Shelly