I Just Don't Get It

[Guest Jenth]

Today at work I got in trouble for painting my nails...despite the fact that almost every girl in the work place paints their nails. Why? Because it's unprofessional. By who's Standards? I was also told that I shouldn't twirl or spin. Why not? Because Guys don't do that kind of activity. I'm so confused. I enjoy painting my nails and dancing and skipping, so why can't I do it? Why don't guys do any of that? I just don't get it. What's so taboo about it? I mean it's not like those actions will make you grow boobs and have PMS...trust me I've tried it!

Who makes up the rules? What's the real difference between us? I understand that in many ways the female body functions differently but why does that impede our behavior? I always wonder what would be different if our society was matriarchal rather than patriarchal. I just don't understand where these age old laws about behavior come from, or why their so important. Someone please educate me! Please help me to understand why I'm so "weird," or "quirky" because for some reason it just isn't sinking in.

Love always,

Jenth

[Guest Dakota.P]

I have often thought about that very thing. Why is it like that? Most people are afraid, blind to reality, proud, and are insecure of themselves. The other week, someone told me that I was manly for not wearing a jacket out in the cold. I asked him if my sister took off her jacket, would she be manly too? Ya should have seen the look of confusion on his face. People just try to define gender attributes to how it is convenient for them, regardless of whether it is true. My friend just said that I was manly because he could do that too, and therefor be manly too.

Now, why are you "quirky" and "weird?" Because you are not like most people. You are not afraid, see reality, humble, and secure in your identity. Most people do not have that. 

[Cyndee]

Hi Jenth,

A work place tends to have more rigid rules for behavior, dress, and mannerisms. Sometimes we have to give up some things to earn a few $$, it's a trade off. Unfortunately some of these workplace rules come from gender norms of expected behavior, appearance, are severely outdated, and create a double standard.

Enjoy dancing, skipping, and painting your nails when you can, I sure do.

In my case I work as a telecommuter. I am free to dress and act as I want in my own office. Still getting the job done.

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest ChloëC]

Gender roles and the rules we are expected to follow are probably from some left over genetic trait from 10's of thousands of years (if not millions) ago when survival of the species was the primary goal. One had to immediately recognize the opposite sex for procreation purposes (no test tubes, no surrogates, just a male and a female). Any member not following the norms had to be excluded from the tribe.

I hope we have moved way beyond that, for any number of reasons. The problem is there are still 'neanderthals' among us that feel that they have to somehow maintain that separation.

And, as I have suggested elsewhere, it's also a very male/macho thing. I think there are a number of males that look at other males and if they aren't 'acting' appropriately, they themselves get worried that someone is breaking the ranks, and all males will suffer (a lowering of the status of the species). Males don't really care what females do with themselves and a number of females have accepted the male dominance and try to show off masculine characteristics. A little is ok (because Males see this as an affirmation of male superiority) but too much is not, because again, that behavior threatens their status.

So we have genetic heritage of protecting the herd and macho bravado at trying to maintain superiority and separation.

Sort of a double whammy. Sorry.

Hugs

Chloe

[Sakura]

gender is a hard wired evolutionary trait. and alot of it functions on a level we are not even aware of. as chloe said . it was once apon a time. used to quickly decern between physical sex and status in a groupe. and still is to this day in some form or another. most every species on earth is a slave to their gender. humans are the only species that really have the ability to activly think about it. and go against the gender norm. if they desire .

but its not a norm. i don't see changing any time soon either , humans as a society are driven by a need for gender. for every transgender or non binary thinking person. there are 1000s of people , that don't question it at all and just go with the flow . raise their children on the same principles, and this chain continues as it has for thousands of years.

its not a set of rules that some one sat down and physically wrote. or decided on . its just the way it is. the reason men painting thier nails and dancing around is frownd apon by other men. because in our species . women are the most colorful and ornate of the two sexs . flashy colors. catch the eye and get you noticed . by potential mates , dancing is another thing . when women dance, they typically move whips and chest area. it exaggerates and draws attention to those areas. same with womens clothing. its made to emphasise and draw attention to those parts of the body, men are scientificly proven to focus on. :a fun fact , the closer a woman is to ovulation the more provactivly she dresses and dances :

men also . are a slave to their gender. men who are considered the alpha in a group . typically have thee best chance at mate selection. mocho men tough men, men who are finacially better of than their peers, the concept behind the term alpha has changed , but the priciples are still very much the same . put your self higher in the social rank. most women care about two things above all else finacial stability and protection . and men are qued into this . it why men brag about their status. and women listen. women have both the need and the ability to be far more choosy. because a mans role in a sexual encounter need be little more than a one night stand, but a woman runs the risk of 9 months of pregnancy , and a life time of raising a child alone if she chooses wrong. so men attempt to be as mocho as possible ( protection) or flaunt thier wealth ( finacial stability )

there is a whole list of deffernces between men and women. not just the obviouse physical stuff, like penises and vagina's , motivations , reason for doing , why they do it , it is all driven by evolution

i know i have prolly bored yous to sleep by this point there us a documentary called the " science of sex appeal" it can be streamed on netflix. its both entertaining and informative , and really gets down to the brass tacks of gender and the differences of both

Sakura

[Guest miss kindheart]

Gosh I hate definitions when it comes to gender

I personally think of gender like a rainbow, we have Adam on the left and Eve on the right and everyone since then somewhere in between. No two people are in the same place, and we all move around a bit from time to time

Try and not too jealous of other people cause you really don't how their life really is

Don't be afraid to change the things about yourself that you don't like, after all this is your life, you need to live it how ever you see fit

vanna