Updates And A Letter To My Dad

[Guest Quinn]

Alright, so I totally died from here for a while. No excuse, really, just got lazy about updating. Not much has been going on, really, just a few set backs here and there. I wanted to get my name changed, but I wasn't able to land even a seasonable job, and I just didn't feel secure shelling out the $100 necessary...especially when even then it'd take six weeks or so to process in the papers and then get a court date. I need a new CA license before then, so I just figured I'd wait for the name change until I could get some steady income.

Also, this is supposed to have been my sixth month on T, but I can't get a hold of any needles or syringes. At all. I was never given a separate prescription for them, and now every pharmacy I go to says they can't give me any without one, even though my T prescription says right on it that it needs to be injected. I tried getting in touch with the LA Gay & Lesbian center, and they said that I'd have to get a prescription from the doctor there, and they'd call me when they'd gotten in touch with her. It's been almost 3 weeks, still haven't heard anything, despite emailing them too. So annoying, and I've missed basically a month of shots now. My hormones, and thus moods, have been nuts.

Anyways, I have a FB for me, completely male and all. Recently, three of my sisters who know nothing added me on FB. They really still don't seem to know anything, other than that I'm going by Quinn now. My dad just added me a few days ago though, and he caught wind of me talking about my needles/syringes woes and sent me this email:

"I find it mildly annoying that you did not discuss this use of hormones with me. I don't care what Dr. say..or anyone..for that matter..if your body was meant to have higher levels of testosterone it would have them. I want you to be happy, .. but to change what is physically normal for your body is asking for trouble.

I can't understand ...don't pretend to..I am trying to be open minded..but I do have a sence of what is right and wrong...this is wrong.

I will always love you..will always try to support you. I hope you try as hard to understand my feelings as well.

You should also I would suggest use a different forum than Facebook. You cannot expect everyone to be as open and understanding (eg. Your sisters ..their friends etc.)..This seems a bit self indulgent to me.

If you ever want to talk about this..you just need to call...I will be happy to discuss anything.

I hope you respect my right to have an opinion as I respect you to have your own. We may just have to agree to disagree on this.

I miss you.

Love

Dad"

Actually not too bad...I sent him this in return, I was wondering if maybe you guys could tell me how it sounds?

"Personally I can understand why you'd be mildly annoyed at not having heard about it before - it's been the case where I've been trying to wait for the "right" or "good" time, in between continuing Lei/Tracy drama, grandpa passing, the holidays, etc. I had been thinking of talking about it more with everyone after New Years sometime, seeing as not too much should be going on as compared to other times of the year.

Either way, like you said, we probably do have to call the draw at agreeing to disagree, at least for now. The most I can promise is that I'm being as safe as can be, keeping myself under doctor supervision at one of the biggest and most resourceful LGBT places in the country.

It is pretty interesting though - I've been trying to do more research into the more scientific explanations behind anything that could "cause" this, and there are quite a few studies piling up that have clinical results showing that trans patients' brains are physically and chemically closer to resembling that of their "target genders" instead of that of their biological sex. There are a few I know of that have shown male-to-female patients to have the same number of nuerons as a biological female should have - and all that is before hormone therapy or anything. Another showed female-to-male patients as having a white matter microstructure pattern in their brains significantly resemble that of the biological male brain averages than the biological female averages. It's all very interesting work being done, and I can send you the studies if you ever want to look at them - a few are hosted on .gov sites, so I'm not too concerned about their authenticity.

In any event, I just sort of lost site of what I was talking about on FB, seeing as Michael was talking to me - he's another ftm guy who is going through some similar things, so we just tend to get on those subjects every now and then. I know my sisters' friends can't see my FB at all unless they are added as my friends, and as for my sisters themselves...well, I dunno, it's sort of tricky there. All I know is that I made that facebook account totally separate about a year and a half ago or so, and that's why I kept Kepiki's and Snickers' for everyone elses - so as to keep everything under wraps so to speak. I even ignored a friend request from Nicole months ago. Now that they all added me again, I still didn't want to entirely censor myself, seeing as that'd be all for 4-5 people out of my entire friendslist, and I made that facebook for the sole purpose of not having to censor what was going on in my life. I'm still trying to figure out ways to talk to everyone about things; I guess that'll come in time.

But yeah, I hope your time in NC is awesome. Maggie might be getting a package from me while you're there; nothing much, just a couple small things. I managed to get ahold of Cynthia and she says she'll keep her eye out for the package, no problem!

Luna and Mea say hi, and Kepiki is currently hiding from imaginary dragons. And I think the sun might be finally coming out over here, after pretty much a solid week of rain. I had to build a little shelter outside for the two outside cats, Boris and Oliver."

[Guest Emily Ray]

I think both letters sound as good as its going to get right now. You defended your position well and agreeing to disagree is a good compromise for now.

I wish you the best with this. It sounds like everything is going to be OK in the end

Huggs

Emily

[Guest StrandedOutThere]

Your letter to your dad was excellent. You handled that like a champ. Seriously...very awesome, you covered everything: You didn't back down, you educated him, and you kept the tone reasonably light and cordial. Masterful!

Sorry about the missed shots. I know that's a huge bummer.

[JJ]

I agree that it was a very good letter. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your Dad and his letter was still supportive even whole disagreeing with your choice.

Good luck on resolving the needles and syringes thing soon. It sounds very frustrating

[Guest Quinn]

Thanks everyone. My dad has a history of being pretty reasonable to talk to about "big" subjects, so that's good. Our family is a pretty close one. My dad has definitely made a lot of progress since I first told him about everything, which is great, because for a while there I was really unsure how everything was going to go with him. He showed a lot of resistance.

Either way, thought I'd share this two texts that he sent me today:

"I got your email...it made me happy that we can be so honest. I am so proud of the person you have become

I am going to answer the email later, but I wanted you to know I got it.

And that we all miss you, especially this time of year"

Gotta say that it made me quite happy to hear. I think we all wish we could hear something like this from our parents, even if they're still disagreeing with our end choices.

Also, muchmuchmuch thanks to Ainsley, I believe I have the needles/syringes thing under control with a solution. Definitely excited about that.