Feeling Caged...

[Guest Roxanna L]

Hey there,

this morning I was hanging around in Chat, talking about how I feel, how they feel, what we think, and generally, a lot of small talk...

Time was flying, and before I noticed I was late to go to the gym. But that's not a problem, they have very generous opening hours.

Usually I don't go on thursdays, but with all the chaos on the railways, I want as much time as possible to get to Amsterdam, tomorrow. Yay! Just one more day, 'till I see the therapist, again!

While I was doing my workouts (1/3 Cardio, 2/3 Muscle), I started thinking about what I discussed in Chat, and what someone else started talking about...

She (an early MTF, just like me) told me her sole motivation for doing her workouts was preparing for the hormones... Then, I realised I'm no different. As the years went by, I was generally uninterested in how I appeared to others, I just didn't care.

You guessed it, bit by bit, more and more weight got on there... It took me a while to realise it, but the fact men lose weight more easily, than women (because of the hormones), was what spurred me to hit the ground, running. Knowing that, if I don't lose all that bulk, soon, I may not be able to get rid of it, anymore.

For now, I'm content building muscles, once that fat is gone (or at least, a lot less) I won't shed a tear over losing muscle mass...

Afterwards, I still had a few things to buy (no, nothing girl-related); so I walked over to the mall, which was right across the street. Lunchtime had also passed, so after getting a few things from the super market, I walked through the long hallway to a poultry-dealer to get myself lunch. (Don't worry, it was mainly bread and vegetables...)

As I walked through the hallway I passed a couple of clothing stores. When I passed those stores, I couldn't help but feel caged...

My coming out to myself has made the cage a bit bigger, giving me a bit of wiggle room; but I'm definitely still in there...

Seeing a lot of women walking around, just going about their business, made me feel even worse... Because they do not carry this pain...

Anna

Ps.:

For now, I'm staying in the hole I dug for myself...

[Paula ult]

Roxanne, it is good you are thinking about losing weight before starting hormones, i gained about 40 pounds after about a year on them, my fault really by becoming lazy, my ex did not help either. i am older and some years ago before i transitioned i could lose 30 pounds in a month, it was doctor supervised, now 2-1/2 years into transition i have a feminine metabolism, though it is harder and frustrating at times i can still lose weight, but lots more slowly, you have a goal to be in good shape in order to start hormones, my goal is to get below a bmi of 28, a requirement my surgeon has before i can get my GCS next may, so far in 2010 i have lost 53 pounds and that is with a feminine metabolism, so it can be done.

You really only want to tone your muscles, not build large ones that will take you a long time to lose, instead of heavy weights at low reps, try lighter weights at high reps, my personal trainer has me doing that, it does build some muscle, it tones but does not build large muscles.

Paula

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Weight - my personal story.

This is a tricky subject for we MTF transwomen. I had the benefit of talking to a 3 year post-op friend BEFORE I even started the journey. Among other things - she told me to consider my weight. It is ironic now. I am about 206, and she is about 265 pounds. She is coming up to 5 years post-op and I am 2 years HRT, but pre-op. She let herself go, sadly. BUT she is 6'-3" and I am just over 6'-1" so the weight is calculated in proportion with that.

Me? For my height my ideal weight and age is 198 pounds (male) and 186 (female). That is what you do is research the weight you need to be. BUT your body type may not fit the 'norm.'

I went from 236 (original male pre HRT) to 198 (one month into HRT). This was in four months. I stopped eating - fasted...

I was trying to get rid of that weight while still on a male metabolism. It was a mistake. I looked terrible - everyone of my friends and relatives thought I had a fatal illness. I felt okay but as a diabetic II, I was really suffering 'off balance." But I had a gaunt body. It wasn't feminine at all - just gaunt.

So I went on HRT and my metabolism changed to female. I went up to 216 pounds at the advice of my therapist and medical doctor. All the new weight was redistributed - feminine pattern of course, but I still had not lost that final male stomach. So severe diet watching, I was able to lose the belly and change it to a female 'pooch' under the belly button. BUT - watching my my diet cause a good result - I feminized as the HRT took effect, losing weight extremely slowly, but NOT looking gaunt. So I think I look GRAND now!

Losing weight as a female is more a change of eating habits. I 'diet' all the time - like women do. I REALLY have to watch my weight - I weigh everyday. It's a different world for women - we women who want to look good.

So two things:

(1) There is NOT a redistribution of weight when on HRT You have to lose the male weight. Any new weight will be female pattern. That is how it works.

(2) As your HRT kicks in, you develop a woman's metabolism. THAT is something that takes getting accustomed to. You MUST readjust your eating habits.

BUT

You are NOT CAGED! You are just between here and there... you will eventually transition, and be yourself.

I hope this helps...

Lizzy

[Guest Roxanna L]

Roxanne, it is good you are thinking about losing weight before starting hormones, i gained about 40 pounds after about a year on them, my fault really by becoming lazy, my ex did not help either. i am older and some years ago before i transitioned i could lose 30 pounds in a month, it was doctor supervised, now 2-1/2 years into transition i have a feminine metabolism, though it is harder and frustrating at times i can still lose weight, but lots more slowly, you have a goal to be in good shape in order to start hormones, my goal is to get below a bmi of 28, a requirement my surgeon has before i can get my GCS next may, so far in 2010 i have lost 53 pounds and that is with a feminine metabolism, so it can be done.

You really only want to tone your muscles, not build large ones that will take you a long time to lose, instead of heavy weights at low reps, try lighter weights at high reps, my personal trainer has me doing that, it does build some muscle, it tones but does not build large muscles.

Paula

I still have a while to go, as I've got a bmi of 31.9, last time I checked... But there is progress, I won't deny that.

As for not building large muscles, I have no intention of doing so. I think it looks disgusting.

Sad fact, my base metabolic rate is low enough, as is. (Also from being lazy...) I need more muscle tissue, if I want to raise it. If I just reach 85 Kgs, that's 187 pounds, I'll be happy. Still fifteen to go...

But I'll have another talk with the trainers (there are three), and discuss this. (Discretely, of course...)

Anna

[Guest Roxanna L]

So two things:

(1) There is NOT a redistribution of weight when on HRT You have to lose the male weight. Any new weight will be female pattern. That is how it works.

(2) As your HRT kicks in, you develop a woman's metabolism. THAT is something that takes getting accustomed to. You MUST readjust your eating habits.

BUT

You are NOT CAGED! You are just between here and there... you will eventually transition, and be yourself.

I hope this helps...

Lizzy

It definitely helps.

It just feels like it... The cage just gets bigger as progress, until it falls apart...

But it's safe to say I'll be staying in very deep stealth, for the time being.

(1) Guess there are plenty of false rumours around, then...

(2) I know I can't just jump from 'binge eating' to practically 'running on fumes'. (Two extremes, not the real situation) I've already cut back on snacks (HAVE to go...), and I altered my diet to provide more protein, in comparison to carbohydrates and fats. Especially fats.

One of the trainers told me last week, that my weight loss, thus far is good, especially taking low stamina, and a low BMR into account...

By the way: I burned about 800 calories, today, in less than two hours.

Anna

[Guest Elizabeth K]

800 calories - DANG!

Good for you!

Lizzy

[Guest Dakota.P]

Good on you for exercising! You are doing great!

I agree with Paula, don't do high weight/ low rep. That is only good if you want to get a certain look.

One thing on your diet, don't cut out too much fat. You need to eat fat to help you digest protein. If you have a bad protein/fat ratio, you can get "protein poisoning." Now don't go out and eat any old fat. Trans and saturated fats are not good for you, but you need monounsaturated, polyunsaturated, and Omega-3 fats. Similar thing for the carbs. There are good carbs and bad carbs.

Keep up the good work.

~D

[Guest Roxanna L]

Good on you for exercising! You are doing great!

I agree with Paula, don't do high weight/ low rep. That is only good if you want to get a certain look.

One thing on your diet, don't cut out too much fat. You need to eat fat to help you digest protein. If you have a bad protein/fat ratio, you can get "protein poisoning." Now don't go out and eat any old fat. Trans and saturated fats are not good for you, but you need monounsaturated, polyunsaturated, and Omega-3 fats. Similar thing for the carbs. There are good carbs and bad carbs.

Keep up the good work.

~D

I knows...

I haven't cut out fat, entirely; I just reduced it.

[Guest Orva26]

Wait a minute... ...

She (an early MTF, just like me) told me her sole motivation for doing her workouts was preparing for the hormones...

That was me! I think at least.

As delicious as beer is, the gut it created is unwelcomed! I'm going to kill it as best I can before HRT. Got the special annoyance of one side seeming to go faster than the other though. Guess I'll just have to figure out a way to modify them twist crunches so they are worn down similarly. My problem is very much localized but low intensity high duration is still the way to go. Usually I do a whole variety of crunches and then go up and down the stairs in my apartment building to get some cardio.

My dietary shifts have been seeking out healthier forms of protein, increasing chicken and scrimp while decreasing red meats dramatically. Usually lunch and breakfast are meat-less. Breakfast usually being a ceral or eggs, and lunch usually involving yogurt and fruit. Good stuff...

I also get what you are saying about the cage Anna. It seems my mind has a larger enclosure too. Seeing more and more situations in the frame of gender both in general and mine specifically.

[Guest Roxanna L]

Wait a minute... ...

That was me! I think at least.

As delicious as beer is, the gut it created is unwelcomed! I'm going to kill it as best I can before HRT. Got the special annoyance of one side seeming to go faster than the other though. Guess I'll just have to figure out a way to modify them twist crunches so they are worn down similarly. My problem is very much localized but low intensity high duration is still the way to go. Usually I do a whole variety of crunches and then go up and down the stairs in my apartment building to get some cardio.

My dietary shifts have been seeking out healthier forms of protein, increasing chicken and scrimp while decreasing red meats dramatically. Usually lunch and breakfast are meat-less. Breakfast usually being a ceral or eggs, and lunch usually involving yogurt and fruit. Good stuff...

I also get what you are saying about the cage Anna. It seems my mind has a larger enclosure too. Seeing more and more situations in the frame of gender both in general and mine specifically.

Yeah, that was you!

And finally a little difference between the two of us: you have a beer belly, I've got a lazy belly... I got mine simply for being lazy, and eating a little too much, for far too long.

My belly reduction has been reasonably equal at the sides. It just makes the old stretch marks all the more apparent... Time will tell wether my 'breasts' are just accumulated fat deposits, in which case, they'll disappear; or that it's GCM, in which case, they won't.

I'm still considering talking to a dietary specialist, even though my weight loss is gradual... I've made a few tweaks on my diet, and I've cut back on the snacks. But there's still more to be had. I should be glad I'm at the one-double-zero point. "Going down!"

Speaking of training, I can't afford to be away from my cell phone, right now; so I'm going to take a nice walk, in stead.

Anna