"born In The Wrong Body"

[Zufrieden]

[Please be assured that I'm not trying to offend anyone. I know that many people will disagree strongly with me. I hope that some people will find a new perspective in this.]

I've never liked the expression "born in the wrong body". I think that it's a "cop-out". I know that transsexuals have been driven into a corner and seek justification wherever they can find it. Many transsexuals would be deliriously happy if we could point out a specific gene that causes transsexuality. To justify your transsexuality just based on your own feelings appears to be insufficient for many people. So what's wrong with just saying, "I despise my body, I hate the role that it has assigned me in society, I will do anything to change it, this is the defining aspect of my personality."

So what's the difference between the "wrong-bodyists" (WB) and people who simply defend deeply held feelings? On the surface, not much. The WB's speak of "I was supposed to" and other hints of predestination that to me, personally, do not appeal as I score 0% on religious/spiritual/mystical matters. But more to the point, the WB's make it a black and white issue, either you were put in the right body or the wrong body. The deeply held feelingists (DHF), since they are basing everything on feelings, will acknowledge the possibility that somebody could feel exactly as they do, but not as strongly.

We accept as a truism today that everybody is bisexual to some degree. Why can we not accept a continuum of transsexuality?

[pennyjane]

hi zufrieden. i think it's your distaste for labels that is causing you to miss the obvious. transsexual is a place on a continuem, it doesn't represent the continuem itself. it's an address on the gender continuem. if one lives at 201 e first street, then all of first street isn't her address, if first street is the gender continuem, 201 is transsexual. transsexual is a specific location on transgender street. we often say we were born in the wrong body for very clear reasons. we weren't born in the wrong brain, so if body and brain are out of congruence, then it stands to reason that one is out of allignment. we cannot change our brain, heaven knows many of us have tried and tried and tried, in fact it's only when we completely give up on that idea that we begin to think about changing our bodies.

personally i can't say that transsexualism is THE defining point of my personality as you suggested in your elongated label. there are many defining points of which transsexualism is one. just as defining is my religious belief system. and close up there is my lifelong connection with the military. i also think that the influences of my father and my older brother are powerful contributers to what my personality has become. transsexualism doesn't define much about me actually, other then my gender identity. it is probably because of my strong belief in God that i don't actually think that i was born in the wrong body. my belief system has me thinking that everything is done for a reason. i believe God made me transsexual for His reasons. no mistakes were made, i was born exactly as He intended. God wants me to be a good transsexual. however; many others do not share that view of the world with me. because we don't all share my view dosn't suggest that i need disrespect their beliefs. people who believe they were born in the wrong body do not offend me, i understand where they are coming from and empathize with their dilemna. by understanding i can share what i have that may be useful to them. i don't think that suggesting they aren't bright enough to see "the truth" will really do any good at all.

we are many different things. only by sharing and understanding and respecting others can we lift one another up. we don't have to belittle to disagree. your concept of transsexualism is probably in the minority around here, but you are welcome to share it and agrue strongly for your position. please just be sensitive to the beliefs of others. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest elenag]

I never identified with that comment "Born in the wrong body"; however, I believe it's used for the purpose of communicating what it's like to those who aren't TS. It's very difficult for others to understand how someone's birth sex could present a problem for them, so I think people say that to illustrate it in a visual way. Most people respond better and find empathy if they can see the problem, rather than putting it together with abstract concepts.

For me, I never felt like I was transplanted into the wrong body. It's my body and it's hardwired to my brain so I don't feel anything unusual about the non-gender parts of my body. What I feel is probably closer to the feeling of being cheated, like I was born with a few missing parts. I see my body as simply lacking feminization as well as female genitals. Because of that, I can't maintain social and personal relationships as a woman, which bars me from participating in or being a part of things considered feminine, which makes me feel left out. Cheated.

No one can see that I'm a woman, but I feel like one. When people interact with me, they treat me as though I were male. They remind me I'm not female, which I find irritating and disappointing. I see the whole thing as a two part problem. A social problem created from a physical problem.

It bothers me I don't have a female body, but it bothers me more that I can't be accepted and recognized as female. The body part is just a defect for me. Something fixable. What I say is "I was born with missing parts".

When others say they were born in the wrong body, I don't debate or object to that comment. They're describing their experience in a way they know how. Whether the comment accurately describes their experience or not isn't for me to decide. I barely understand myself, so it's not my place to tell someone else how they feel.

[pennyjane]

thank you elena, how very well said. lotsa love and hope, pj

[Guest Mani]

I believe that everyone has different experiences, and it is according to these experiences that they decide how to describe themselves. Some people do see themselves as born in the wrong body, others see it in other ways. People also tend to use what has worked for them in the past.

And how people have been taught about us contributes a lot to it too. Looking at most media, how do they describe transsexuals? as born in the wrong body. Therefore, most of the time it is easier to use that to describe yourself, if you are comfortable with it.

I don't describe myself as born in the wrong body because, well... it just never really seemed to fit me. Instead I tell people that my body is female while my mind is male, which I think is simple and accurate to me. Simple and accurate is the best way to describe something to someone who probably never heard of it before (born in the wrong body also falls under simple and accurate, just not accurate towards me).

I don't think that using born in the wrong body has to do with how you justify yourself. To me it seems to work like this > for example, you were born with a male body, but you are female > if you had the right body (female) you would be born in a female body > but it happens to be that you have the wrong body (male) > from that I could say that you have been born in to the wrong body. How you justify why is another matter. To me it seems that saying you are born in the wrong body is a way to describe how you identify, but doesn't say why or how you came to identify as thus.

I also believe that there is a continuim of gender, that ranges from male to female. If your sex does not match you gender to some degree then you are to some degree trans (using as an umbrella term in this case). There is also a continuim of gender traits, masculine to feminine. And also a continuim of sexuality, that ranges from straight to gay. It is rare that someone is at either extreme, which is why we say that everyone is to some degree bisexual. But I also believe that these continuims are not straight lines, nor are they perfect. What I mean by that is not everyone will fit neatly onto these continuims, some people won't even be on the continuim at all. Everyone is individual.

~Mani

[Guest Sophie Jean]

I've used that phrase often, because it's something that people can latch onto easily, and its a cliche they seem to be able to understand. But the reality of it is, for me it forces a false dichotomy, and produces spiritual issues.

You see, I was born in the right body, and I was born with the right brain. The only problem is that for some reason, it developed from the womb to have male characteristics, and then at age 12 and up, those male characteristics produced changes in my body that made it even more male. I somehow kept expecting things to reverse themselves, which they never did. No, this is the body that has been assigned to me, and it's pretty ok. It just developed the wrong sex. And who's to say that I wasn't supposed to develop wrong from the beginning. God may have had a purpose in it. I certainly wouldn't have the family and experiences in my life that I do now. It just may be that its time to set things straight.

- Sophie Jean

[Guest BillyMack]

Elena, thank you for your post. It was very helpful for my daughter who is having a difficult time understanding why I am making this transition. Thanks to all the wonderful people here...it feels like home.

Hugs,

Billy

[Flint]

I say i'm in the wrong body, cause it's the only way i can describe it, and make people actually take it serioulsy!!! maybe Trapped in the wrong body is not totally right, but i think i do feel somewhat trapped, but thats more because people dont see me as male apart from my good friends, i feel trapped cause peope seem to think i'm female which i'm not. i do kinda feel trapped in this body cause i have missing things and some things i shouldn't have, but i'm sure if family would see me as male this wouldn't matter as much to me i think it will matter a bit but i'll feel more free to be myself and that would not matter as much. Having to go through things boys dont normally go through can be hard, and distressing which then makes me feel more trapped so it's not really 'trapped in the wrong body' as such even though people say i even say it, but its more being trapped in what oetrs see you as, what happens to your body as you grow up and not feeling right.

[Guest SharleahLynn]

Billy , always remember : Home is where your heart is , even though it can be in 2v places at the same time .

SharleahLynn

[Guest karen_h]

wrong body? i think not i prefer to think of it a work in progress, not unlike a lump of clay waiting to be turned into a fine vase

[Guest SharleahLynn]

wrong body? i think not i prefer to think of it a work in progress, not unlike a lump of clay waiting to be turned into a fine vase

Each person here is a masterpiece in the making. Kind of like a big beautiful Diamond in the forming stage , just waiting to be discovered and cherished . It is a shame some of us are not very willing to notice this fact Just offering some food for thought.

SharleahLynn

[Guest Lethalia]

Hey there Zufrieden. OwUB? IBOK. It is interesting that I found your post at such an opportune moment.

I've no idea why this happened to me… being MTF Transgender that is. I personally do not care why it happened. It is what it is. I was born this way. I did not discover that I was supposedly born male until I was eight years old. Yeah I know that's a long time but, until then, I had almost no contact with other people other than my mother… and I was dumb. The shock of discovering I was physically a male (allegedly) was devastating and demoralizing. For me personally, it is not a matter deeply held feelings (DHF). You're funny. I am female. There is no other way to say it. To say that I have some kind of gender identity problem is incorrect. I am female… flat statement, it cannot be argued. When a doctor starts talking Gender Identity Disorder at me, I'm out the door. I am female. I mean, that's what my Florida ID says. Further, I was not born in the wrong body… I was cheated. Cheated and then punished for being cheated. I was supposed to marry and give birth to my own children. Where is are my children? I am female and I was cheated. And under all the skies and every star, I've not a clue what to do about it. If there was a God, we'd have the talking part done before the talking started… one of us would have to go… and I don't die so easy. To fight and win is the manner in which I was raised and lived.

I do understand the "Wrong-Bodyist" and the "Deeply Held Feelingist". I really do. I am an atheist… and I do understand the monotheists and the polytheists. But for me and my situation, I am an atheist and a female who was cheated. Now, as a child, my mother taught me very well how to walk, talk, and act like a male. I can act the part very well. But the very second the need is over, I'm back to my Texas-Goth Spaghetti-Western Matrix girl self. This is what I am. It is all that I am. From the very core of my being to the black ribbons in my hair, this is what I am. I have always known that I am not a male. But it was not until reading this post of yours… and thinking about this post of yours for many days… that I realized something about how I feel about my body: I was born with a deformed female body. Not born with a male body, but born with a deformed female body. So… I am not a "Deeply Held Feelingist" (DHF) nor a "Wrong-Bodyist" (WB)… I am a "Deformed Bodyist" (DB). This is how I feel. Funny, at forty-nine, I am STILL sorting out my feelings. Yeah, I cry a lot. And I am crying right now. But this time, it is a good thing. Zufrieden, I am glad you posted this. Thank you. So… you are an Anti-Labelist (AL), huh? Radical. OXO.

Member of the

Deformed Bodyist Society…

Isabella Lethalia Innocenzi

[Guest angie]

Hey!

While i also do not feel i was born in the wrong body,there is an incongruity between the person i see in the mirror and the person i know i am.It's just wrong,and i have known it for a very long time.

That being said,i am also of the belief that i was put here for a reason,I.E.,get married,have kids,be there for others in times of great need.I've believed this since i was quite young,having almost been,

should have been killed a number of times.As a DPS trooper told me once, as my car lay on it's roof all the windows shattred, bumpers ripped off,and me with only scratches."Do You Believe In God Son,I Sure Would."

When i decided that my time was right to transition,i wanted full time so bad i could taste it.

But,the reality of the old me having things to do and accomplish eventually brought me inner peace.

It mattters not what the world may think.....I Know I Am A Woman,and that is what matters.

For all that is stacked against us....Transwomen seem to have to have something to differ about.

Be it,born in the wrong body or not,or the use of Transsexual or Transgender.These subjects just seem to be a continually burning fuse,that some will stand by vociferacly.

DUMB Ladies,we all have an opinion,each with a valid point,but,it is just that an opinion period.

I don't know if the guys have this incongruity of opinions,but we sure do.

Angie.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I agree with a lot of you about feeling cheated.

I don't think I was born in the wrong body. My body is fine enough. I've got a brain, a heart, two lungs, kidneys... just somewhere along the way, something screwed up and my genitals got messed.

So really what I was born "wrong" with was the wrong genitalia, not the wrong body, since the genitalia and the secondary sex characteristics are the only things that are wrong about my body.

And yes, I feel jealous of the average guy. Their body works right most of the time. It does what it's supposed to, it looks like how it's supposed to, and they don't need to spend huge amounts of money making it work for them.

I'm like any other guy, but instead of coming with the right set of 'nads, my sex parts are on back-order.

[Guest Jenny]

It is always somewhat ironic listening to these posts as some people want to lose their male genitalia while others want to gain it. I feel bad on one hand, that yes I would be more than happy to get rid, but it always makes me cringe (I don't mean to be offensive) when someone says they want to get one put on. Eeek!

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

It is always somewhat ironic listening to these posts as some people want to lose their male genitalia while others want to gain it. I feel bad on one hand, that yes I would be more than happy to get rid, but it always makes me cringe (I don't mean to be offensive) when someone says they want to get one put on. Eeek!

Hey, no problem. I would be more than happy to give you my faulty parts in exchange for yours.

Too bad that doesn't work though, right? It would be so much better if it did. Like, a gender-swap clinic... transmen and transwomen giving each other a hand in life.

[Guest angie]

Evening All,

Let me tell ya'll about my Transman friend Jon.

Jon is a member of our support group,and it has been a Great Pleasure sharing his triumphs with him.

It was so cool when he had his chest surgery how happy he was when he came to group...Glowing.

And Then Getting His Gender Marker And Name Change On The Same Day!

I call him Handsome Man,and he deserves to be complimented,and he's my friend.

I know it just sounds so strange to our ears,which is a mirror of theirs in reverse.

We/i talked to Jon about the incongrueity of the situation.

I sure am glad to have learned the other prespective/We are all in the same boat headed down the same river taking different branches at the Y...That's All.

Hugs To All,

Angie

[Guest CharlieRose]

I'm not sure how much I identify with the "wrong body" arguement. You could argue that I just have a really odd taste in fashion. But I'm leaning towards androgynous on the gender spectrum. (Hence the bisexual username)

[Guest Leah1026]

If I had to choose one I'd have to pick "deeply held feelings". I don't identify with that other statement. During transition I would explain it my situation as a birth condition, one that I was fixing. Now post-transition I don't think about it as much anymore. And as I get further from SRS hopefully I'll just stop thinking about it altogether. I'm simply a woman.

[Guest Joanna]

I veiw it as I'm a girl with a few missing parts. The other term makes me feel more like a mistake. This is just my opinion. Besides that we all got a brain and a heart ect. I know I'm female at heart and that all thats matters.

*hugs*

~Joanna

[Guest silverpetals]

i think i agree with elena and roger, i don't see it as "trapped/born in the wrong body". if it was like that then we would just be severely body dysmorphic--it kind of makes it seem like it's all about the physical aspect, when it isn't.

i kind of feel that, for me at least, the physical changes are mainly just a way for me to be accepted as a girl in society...oh plus i'd also like a female body, i hate having a male one...but for me it's mainly the gender bit, rather than the actual physical bit. i see myself as a girl, who just looks and sounds pretty much like a boy.

like people have said, i'm not a "woman trapped in a man's body", i'm a woman. this is just the body i have, i'll only escape it when i die

[Guest Diva D]

I have to say I don't view it as wrong body, but more as a birth defect.

[Guest Marco]

i don't really view it as a "wrong body" issue, because in all truth my body isn't too bad. it's just the chest and the genitals that i despise. also i don't think that the "man trapped in a womans body" is relevant with me atleast. because i am a guy, i just have the wrong parts.