The Hard Memories...

[Guest Roxanna L]

(I'm not sure wether or not this belongs in the TS forum, or somewhere, else. Mods, please move it, if you feel it's better, to do so...)

On the forums I'm Roxanna, a 22 year old girl from that twelve feet below sea level country...

Outside of the forums I'm a troubled, 22 year old man, fighting a mighty struggle, within...

Look, I don't want to bother people with what I feel I have to say...

But if you feel like listening, then please...

When I was on primary school, there would be an annual photo day. All the girls in class would wear their prettiest clothes...

And I... I would only look a little less drab, than usual...

Back then I was really envious of their clothing...

On middle school, we all went into puberty...

The clothing envy persisted, and it was now followed up by body envy...

I saw the girls becoming women, while I felt myself become more and more of a... Monster...

They became nice and curvy, they had growing breasts, they had everything I wanted, too...

I, on the other hand, was becoming bigger, heavier, bulkier, and frankly, uglier... And every time I had to endure an erection, I'd feel myself getting swallowed in shame... I didn't want it...

There may have been a few girls (out of 400 students) who thought me a total stud... But even if they did, I didn't notice...

With PE, I got to compare myself with the other boys. I fought to myself "Look at them! I could never be like them... I'm just a big glob of grease, now wonder no girls like me..."

And then there was the constant boasting from some of the boys about how they had sex... I just thought to myself "no one likes me, so please, keep pouring more salt in the wound..."

Whenever I had the time, I'd fantasise about becoming a woman, any way... Sometimes, as if by magic, other times with the help of technology...

After some time, I realised those fantasies "weren't meant to be", and I decided to just stop it. That didn't work...

By the start of my twenties, I had washed out of college, and I was just trying to make ends meet. I started working for waste management, as one of the rear-enders. Grunt work, but gratifying. And after a while, you become a real part of the team. You depend on your team mates, and they depend on you. Life was good, if only for while...

Summer 2008 was the point where I started to think of becoming a woman, in ernest.

Whenever I had the chance, I'd think of it, again. And the 'weener', of course, was all too happy to remind me that it was still there...

Then, there would be this little voice in the back of my heard. And each time, it said to me: "But you're not girl, much less a woman. You were born a boy, raised a boy, and became a man. Hell, you're doing a man's job. Face it, being a woman, you're not worth it!"

As for my AGP, until I was eighteen, I didn't have sexual fantasies. Or I did, but they were so confusing to me, I ignored them...

Only after I gave in to my AGP, did I even start self gratifying...

Each high followed by a deep low...

Each high followed by a sense of confusion...

Here I am, here I stay... Or will I?

This hasn't really let go of me, since childhood, immemorial...

Today, I feel like I'm getting swallowed by it.

My heart yearns for it to happen...

I can barely stand the sight of me in a mirror... which is the reason I don't have one, in my room...

[Cyndee]

Dear Anna,

I read your post this morning. I feel I am knowing you a little better each time I read another. Your writings are very heart felt and you have a great way with words in expressing your feelings. Each one of us is a person of value, we all have individual thoughts and dreams. Many of these thoughts involve our gender identity, our inner self. They can be darn right confusing, given our conditioning and expectations from "society" and parents. Expressing femininity to many of us born male, is a very difficult hurdle to overcome. Many barriers must be brought down mentally and externally. The girl is in our heads, but how does she get to express herself in this world ? Daunting questions and methods to say the least. We are all individuals that must find what works best for us in expressing our inner femininity. I know you are seeing a GT now Anna, and I hope your GT is getting to know you better also. You have a great way with words and keep writing, I am honored to write you back on this forum and express my thoughts to you.

Wishing you the best for the new year Anna

Your friend

Cindy -

[Guest Elizabeth K]

(I'm not sure wether or not this belongs in the TS forum, or somewhere, else. Mods, please move it, if you feel it's better, to do so...)

It's okay here.

On the forums I'm Roxanna, a 22 year old girl from that twelve feet below sea level country...

I am from 7 feet below sea level - New Orleans.

Outside of the forums I'm a troubled, 22 year old man, fighting a mighty struggle, within...

I suggest you are not a man at all, ever.

Look, I don't want to bother people with what I feel I have to say...

But if you feel like listening, then please...

We are here for you - regardless.

When I was on primary school, there would be an annual photo day. All the girls in class would wear their prettiest clothes...

And I... I would only look a little less drab, than usual...

Back then I was really envious of their clothing...

Me too. I called it 'dressing in drab' - men's clothing. A aways wanted to be in pretty, elegant cothing, but boys aren't allowed to.

On middle school, we all went into puberty...

The clothing envy persisted, and it was now followed up by body envy...

I saw the girls becoming women, while I felt myself become more and more of a... Monster...

They became nice and curvy, they had growing breasts, they had everything I wanted, too...

It's when the real 'gender dysphoria' kicks in.

I, on the other hand, was becoming bigger, heavier, bulkier, and frankly, uglier... And every time I had to endure an erection, I'd feel myself getting swallowed in shame... I didn't want it...

There may have been a few girls (out of 400 students) who thought me a total stud... But even if they did, I didn't notice...

With PE, I got to compare myself with the other boys. I fought to myself "Look at them! I could never be like them... I'm just a big glob of grease, now wonder no girls like me..."

And body dysphoria - which is not necessarily related to your gender dysphoria.

And then there was the constant boasting from some of the boys about how they had sex... I just thought to myself "no one likes me, so please, keep pouring more salt in the wound..."

They probably were lying - but anyway, that swagger and competition within the male world is particularly hateful to me. I still hate it.

Whenever I had the time, I'd fantasise about becoming a woman, any way... Sometimes, as if by magic, other times with the help of technology...

After some time, I realized those fantasies "weren't meant to be", and I decided to just stop it. That didn't work...

EXACTLY! We wish and want and crave - doesn't work. So we suffer.

By the start of my twenties, I had washed out of college, and I was just trying to make ends meet. I started working for waste management, as one of the rear-enders. Grunt work, but gratifying. And after a while, you become a real part of the team. You depend on your team mates, and they depend on you. Life was good, if only for while...

Summer 2008 was the point where I started to think of becoming a woman, in ernest.

Whenever I had the chance, I'd think of it, again. And the 'weener', of course, was all too happy to remind me that it was still there...

Then, there would be this little voice in the back of my heard. And each time, it said to me: "But you're not girl, much less a woman. You were born a boy, raised a boy, and became a man. Hell, you're doing a man's job. Face it, being a woman, you're not worth it!"

We all have this - had this... it's a major part of gender dysphoria. Therapy is the key to working through it, or, like me, you might try to 'playact male' for 61 years, get self destructive, and THEN get help. I wasted my life that way.

As for my GAP, until I was eighteen, I didn't have sexual fantasies. Or I did, but they were so confusing to me, I ignored them...

Only after I gave in to my AGP, did I even start self gratifying...

Each high followed by a deep low...

Each high followed by a sense of confusion...

EXACTLY

Here I am, here I stay... Or will I?

This hasn't really let go of me, since childhood, immemorial...

Hon, I hesitate to say this, a therapist will tell you... but... it's a permanent thing. The feelings never quite go away. They surge back all through your life. It's how it works.

Today, I feel like I'm getting swallowed by it.

My heart yearns for it to happen...

I can barely stand the sight of me in a mirror... which is the reason I don't have one, in my room...

For 61 years I would look in a mirror - well maybe not as a baby. I could never see 'me' but rather a stranger - a goofy lookng male that was lost and unhappy. It may not be for you, but it probably will be, but once I transitioned I started seeing myself in the mirror. One great day it happened - there I was.

I hope this helps

Lizzy

[Guest Roxanna L]

In all honesty,

I must admit I've been pondering asking one of the Admins to this thread, feeling like I've made a mistake in posting it.

Dear Anna,

I read your post this morning. I feel I am knowing you a little better each time I read another. Your writings are very heart felt and you have a great way with words in expressing your feelings. Each one of us is a person of value, we all have individual thoughts and dreams. Many of these thoughts involve our gender identity, our inner self. They can be darn right confusing, given our conditioning and expectations from "society" and parents. Expressing femininity to many of us born male, is a very difficult hurdle to overcome. Many barriers must be brought down mentally and externally. The girl is in our heads, but how does she get to express herself in this world ? Daunting questions and methods to say the least. We are all individuals that must find what works best for us in expressing our inner femininity. I know you are seeing a GT now Anna, and I hope your GT is getting to know you better also. You have a great way with words and keep writing, I am honored to write you back on this forum and express my thoughts to you.

Wishing you the best for the new year Anna

Your friend

Cindy -

And the same to you, Cindy...

Sadly, with my social anxiety, this is one of the few ways I'm comfortable with, when it comes to... interacting with other people...

I do know that, one day, I'll overcome that anxiety, but not today.

My GT is getting to know me better, every time I see her. (And vice versa...). When she replied to my email, about my being suicidal, she said she was sorry for me.

(It got me an earlier appointment...)

(...)

I hope this helps

Lizzy

Oh, it does, Lizzy. It does.

Thanks.

Hugs for the both of you,

Anna

[Paula ult]

Anna, what you just wrote i could have written when i was 22, these days telling a gender therapist you need to be a women will get you treatment and started down the road to transition, if that is what you truly decide you need to do, back when i was 22 in 1974 saying you are a women inside might get you a trip to a mental hospital where they would try to cure you with drugs and shock treatments, they now understand the only cure is to transition. If you are not seeing a gender therapist or any therapist i suggest you do, if you are trans these feelings are not going away and will only get stronger as time goes on, i transitioned when i was 56, over 2-1/2 years ago, though i am happy and have good results from hrt, i would have liked to transition at your age and lived the majority of my life as me.

Paula

[Guest Roxanna L]

Anna, what you just wrote i could have written when i was 22, these days telling a gender therapist you need to be a women will get you treatment and started down the road to transition, if that is what you truly decide you need to do, back when i was 22 in 1974 saying you are a women inside might get you a trip to a mental hospital where they would try to cure you with drugs and shock treatments, they now understand the only cure is to transition. If you are not seeing a gender therapist or any therapist i suggest you do, if you are trans these feelings are not going away and will only get stronger as time goes on, i transitioned when i was 56, over 2-1/2 years ago, though i am happy and have good results from hrt, i would have liked to transition at your age and lived the majority of my life as me.

Paula

In the US, yes!

( that rhymes)

Here, I have to wait. One year, probably two...

(Has to do with the local system, it's part of their screening of potential patients.

That, and the fact they're shorthanded...)

But I am seeing a therapist, and for now, that's all...

And, frankly, I think I can use the down time to my advantage.

Anna

[Guest sarah from sweden]

Okey Anna AS promised i have red AL of the previous replies (until when i do write this ) And i can only say i COMPLETELY agree with Cindi An (Bravo couldn't have put it better even if i tried ) Miss Elisabeth (GASP) its like you also red my mind and as you i have so far wasted nearly 40 yers of my life (still fighting a up hill struggle ) and HAD i known al this was going to come at me with THIS force as it have me since basikly oh lets say 30 it RELY kicked in high gear ) i would have tried to get this fixed MUSH earlier in my life ) And like Elisabeth says Anna im afraid thats AL to true dear the feelings will NEVER go away dear and they WILL grow stronger and stronger HOWEVER this is NOT a reason to panic or rushing in to this dear as i have toled you before

Now as far as you're description of life id say it SADLY do look ALLOT as GD of some cind dear (sigh ) BUT whether this is a sign fore you to actualy go AL the way is up fore YOU and the experts to decide dear )

Kisses and WARM hugs Sarah

[Guest Emily Ray]

Anna,

I see so much of my own past in you! But, there is a difference, you are taking the steps you need to become on the outside what you are on the inside. It will get better and I think it already has started to get better for you. Post away hon, I love to read what you have to say. It is insightful.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Roxanna L]

Okey Anna AS promised i have red AL of the previous replies (until when i do write this ) And i can only say i COMPLETELY agree with Cindi An (Bravo couldn't have put it better even if i tried ) Miss Elisabeth (GASP) its like you also red my mind and as you i have so far wasted nearly 40 yers of my life (still fighting a up hill struggle ) and HAD i known al this was going to come at me with THIS force as it have me since basikly oh lets say 30 it RELY kicked in high gear ) i would have tried to get this fixed MUSH earlier in my life ) And like Elisabeth says Anna im afraid thats AL to true dear the feelings will NEVER go away dear and they WILL grow stronger and stronger HOWEVER this is NOT a reason to panic or rushing in to this dear as i have toled you before

Now as far as you're description of life id say it SADLY do look ALLOT as GD of some cind dear (sigh ) BUT whether this is a sign fore you to actualy go AL the way is up fore YOU and the experts to decide dear )

Kisses and WARM hugs Sarah

I've just about given up on interpreting things... (I mean, what did it get me, except another headache?)

My next 'date' with the experts is just a few weeks away.

Anna,

I see so much of my own past in you! But, there is a difference, you are taking the steps you need to become on the outside what you are on the inside. It will get better and I think it already has started to get better for you. Post away hon, I love to read what you have to say. It is insightful.

Huggs

Emily

If you'd like me to keep posting, I'll keep posting. It is always nice to feel like you're heard, which (sadly), hasn't really happened, thus far. I mean, to whom should I have talked when I was younger? They would simply dismiss it as 'just a phase', right?

Well, 22 years is a long time for a phase...

Hugs for the both of you, (that makes five... )

Anna

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Roxanna:

Hon, thank you very much for baring your soul to us and for sharing your pain. That's the entire purpose of forums like this one. We are totally here for you, girl. Everybody gave you great replies, especially CindyAnn77 and ElizabethK.

May this significantly older sister offer you some advice? If you have not done so yet, PLEASE, seek out a Gender Therapist, start your HRT and do NOT hesitate to become the REAL you. Please, for your own sake.

Because you bared your soul to us so freely, permit me to bare mine to you. Why am I doing this? Because, I want you to use my story as an example of what NOT to do. Don't wait. Don't stew. Don't hesitate. Here's a post I made on another transgendered forum in reply to a post where somebody asked how we dealt with your gender dysphoria:

_____________________________

By teetering on the brink of insanity for decades. Coping? No. Hiding? Yes. Succeeding? No.

God, I was a veritable train wreck. Buried myself in academics. Yeah, alright, fine: I succeeded with that. Offered to skip 10th and 11th grade and do college in my early teens at a huge midwestern university on their dime. Didn't do it. All the military academies tried to recruit me. Heck with 'em. Top college gave me a scholarship and placed me in their top track to study theoretical astrophysics. Went but bagged it after a year. After that, offered honors engineering independent-study program by the state university in my native state. Didn't do it. Thereafter made The Dean's List. Like, big deal ... didn't give a Gosh darned ... dropped out. After that, having a profound death wish, enlisted in the U.S. Marine Corp and got my derrierre royally kicked at Parris Island. Right after bootcamp, they wanted to send my sorry donkey to Officers' Candidate School in Quantico, Virginia because I hammered all of their tests and because of my academic record. Told them I was a conscientious objector. Bet I was the only private to ever get reamed out by the commanding general of Parris Island. Thought he was gonna send my derrierre to the brig. They discharged me. I could go on, but you get the idea. I peed away any number of potentially dazzling and highly-paying careers ... all to spend my life in fifth-rate jobs working for dog-crap wages. I was one sad sack if ever there was one ... a pathetic popped puppy ... for sure.

Relationships? Girls? Ha! Yeah, right. Check it out ... High school: No dates. Four-and-a-half years of college: No dates. Lonely? Beyond all measure. Also, sexually arroused as hell all the time back then with no outlet for it. Like "True Selves" says, everything about the dating scene and doing "the deed" felt wrong. I was in the wrong body and bloody well knew it.

I knew I was transsexual from an early age but did anything and everything to deny it ... suppressed it ... repressed it, and got depressed by it. Suicide? Thought about it every single day. Too chicken-nuts to actually do it.

No direction. No goals. No ambition. No accomplishment. No nuthin' ... and all the potential in the world. My whole life basically passed me by, or should I say, I let it pass by.

FINALLY faced myself in late-middle age. Came out to my wife. Came out to my so-called family. Came out to the few friends I had left. Wife INSISTED I seek gender counseling. Arrested at a major mall for nearly going postal there ... 1.5 months before I started HRT. That fine day, my derrierre was an allegorical attometer from doing hard time. Only the cops' last-minute eleemosynary largesse of spirit spared my butt from going to the can.

All true. All horrific. Pathetic enough for you?

If you're young and in denial, use me as an example of what NOT to do. Get counseling. Get treated. Get happy.

_____________________________

Surely, you do NOT want to end up like that, do you? Of course not. Just do it, Roxanna ... become who you really are ... you're entire life awaits you.

Peace & Happiness to you.

Lacey

[Guest Roxanna L]

Roxanna:

Hon, thank you very much for baring your soul to us and for sharing your pain. That's the entire purpose of forums like this one. We are totally here for you, girl. Everybody gave you great replies, especially CindyAnn77 and ElizabethK.

May this significantly older sister offer you some advice? If you have not done so yet, PLEASE, seek out a Gender Therapist, start your HRT and do NOT hesitate to become the REAL you. Please, for your own sake.

(...)

Surely, you do NOT want to end up like that, do you? Of course not. Just do it, Roxanna ... become who you really are ... you're entire life awaits you.

Peace & Happiness to you.

Lacey

Thank you, Lacey,

but I'm afraid things aren't as easy, here, as they are in the States. Yes, we have socialised health care, the type some Americans feel they have been force fed.

I'm already seeing a therapist. She's very kind, very considerate and she's trans...

If I get diagnosed, my insurance will cover just about everything. But getting diagnosed is just the problem. My therapist does not have that authority.

Only the so called "gender team" in Amsterdam has that authority. Best guess, another two years... Hell, I need to wait a full year, just to get in.

But it's okay, by me. It gives me all the time I need to consolidate things...

You know what? I'll set up a thread on localised SoCs, later... Next time someone suggests my finding a therapist and starting HRT, I'll just point them there...

Because, frankly, I'm getting a bit tired of having to repeat myself, at least three times a week...

I have no wish to derail (your train wreck metaphor), but I don't want to circumvent things by going my own way... If the gender team decides I'm not a TS, I'm dead in the water. There's no alternate route, there's no system of 'informed consent'. If they say "no", it's over.

Not that I don't appreciate your advice, Lacey, I really do...

It's just not as simple...

Hugs,

Anna

[Guest Elizabeth K]

If the gender team decides I'm not a TS, I'm dead in the water. There's no alternate route, there's no system of 'informed consent'. If they say "no", it's over.

They won't. If they do? Come to the USA. You MUST be yourself!

Lizzy

[Guest Roxanna L]

If the gender team decides I'm not a TS, I'm dead in the water. There's no alternate route, there's no system of 'informed consent'. If they say "no", it's over.

They won't. If they do? Come to the USA. You MUST be yourself!

Lizzy

Now, why would I do that? To just hop on a plane, and go to a place where I have no relatives, no family, no friends of any kind? All my family is here. Do you ask me to just walk away, and leave them all behind?

Give me one good reason...

Anna

[Sally]

Anna,

I am glad that you do have family and friends that support you - for so many of us leaving would not have anything different as far as friends go.

The real need to be yourself can become over powering.

I do not know why your team wold not approve you.

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

Anna,

The hard thing for me is that I am seen and treated like a female by most of the people I see. I see a female looking person in the mirror. Except in the eyes. I know my eyes are my own even if my body never was. I suppose that's why when I was presenting thos body I am forced to inhabit to the world I always emphasized my eyes. It was always what people exclaimed about. And yet I did not like to make eye contact because I knew something was wrong. Because my inner fantasy life as a man was the hidden reality and I didn't want anyone to see it. Because I really am a man I developed social anxiety. I do well in any professional or impersonal situation but become anxious and stressed in social situations. I even need time alone away from my own family. When I accepted that I am a man and quit trying to be a woman even though I am not out, a lot of the social anxiety improved. I'm not trying to be what I can't anymore. I think if I could transition it would largely disappear. Maybe.

The main thing is that I live in my own head as a man. But that older conventional definition hammers at me sometimes. Says my body defines me. Tries to give me back a label I can't live with anymore. But I always fight back. Always know that the reality of my male brain is as true as the reality of my female body. We have all felt this. For those of us unable to transition for now I think it's worse. Just my opinion. I also don't believe it is necessary to physically transition to live your life as your true self at least to some extent.

Given your feelings and history I would be shocked if the team said no. But if the worst happened and they did? HRT and surgery make transition easier but being denied those things did not stop people from living their lives as their true gender for centuries. It gets harder for sure. But it isn't over.

It seems to me the people here aren't ignoring you. When they say something like "You need to work this out with a gender therapist" perhaps it isn't because they haven't paid attention or are ignoring you but because it is true and what they mean is that you wil need to take the time and patience to work through it. For so many of our issues there is no shortcut, no quick fix. In some things there is no fix except to find ways to make the most of what we do have and can change.

Here at Laura's we offer advise because we care. We do our best to help as much as we can. Because we have shared your pain and we do know how confusing and painful, how unendurable at times, this condition is. Even if the advise misses the mark, it was given from caring by someone just doing there best to support you. Someone who is also hurting

Hugs

John

[Guest Roxanna L]

Anna,

I am glad that you do have family and friends that support you - for so many of us leaving would not have anything different as far as friends go.

The real need to be yourself can become over powering.

I do not know why your team wold not approve you.

Love ya,

Sally

Actually, Sally, I have absolutely no idea about how my relatives, outside of my parents, would react. I've been testing the waters, here and there, but nothing really concrete...

Hell, I've told my parents very little, too... I told them about the feelings I've been having, and that is it.

As for friends, I can only think of three, and I have so very little contact with them, they are little more than friendly acquaintances...

The system has a reputation for being strict. My beef would be that "no system is perfect". It's still the work of humans, working in a field with very little actual research... compared to say.... a vaccine for the common cold.

Now, you could make the system a bit lax, and some people would get treatment, when they're not supposed to.

On the other hand, make it too stringent, and some people who need treatment, are ruled out.

The latter has been known to happen.

Fact is, no matter how you would spin it, no system is perfect. There is always the risk of false positives or false negatives.

Enough doomsday thinking, for one day...

Hugs,

Anna

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Now, why would I do that? To just hop on a plane, and go to a place where I have no relatives, no family, no friends of any kind? All my family is here. Do you ask me to just walk away, and leave them all behind?

Give me one good reason...

Anna

Because you could transition?

I had to leave family and most friends - and my wife - to transition. It's how we are.

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Anna......

I want a Hugg before say anything to make sure that I get one.....

First off....everyone comes here believing that they have a totally unique experience with their gender problems...yet, the more we read on these forums, the more we see how much we are all alike...

That is why we band together here....to support one another....

Now, I wish that I had been able to address my issues when I as your age...or at 30 or 40 or 50...but, I didn't until I was almost 60. I could of been so much happier in my life...but, what is......is.

You're 22 and I'll not discount how strong your feelings are about your dysphoria...but, many of the folks that have answered you so far have started their transition over 50...

You have a life ahead of you ...and having started therapy, you have a foot in the door. Even if it takes you two years, you are miles ahead of so many.

And after reading so many of your posts, I agree with Lizzy...the gender team won't let you down.

Honey...I don't want to pump you full of sunshine...this is a hard road for everyone of us....but, the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step and you've taken that..

No, I'll not ask you to leave family and friends to come here and transition....But, I will warn you that most of us lose many things to gain ourselves...

Dear.....all I'm saying is to focus on what you have....

You have started your journey.....

There is time involved....make the best of it....ok?

With Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Roxanna L]

I want a Hugg before say anything to make sure that I get one.....

All you've got to do is ask, Jean

HUGG!!

First off....everyone comes here believing that they have a totally unique experience with their gender problems...yet, the more we read on these forums, the more we see how much we are all alike...

That is why we band together here....to support one another....

So different, and yet, so alike...

Now, I wish that I had been able to address my issues when I as your age...or at 30 or 40 or 50...but, I didn't until I was almost 60. I could of been so much happier in my life...but, what is......is.

You're 22 and I'll not discount how strong your feelings are about your dysphoria...but, many of the folks that have answered you so far have started their transition over 50...

Just a little compliment: I checked your gallery, and from those pictures I'd guess you were somewhere around 50.

'60+' isn't exactly what comes to mind.

You have a life ahead of you ...and having started therapy, you have a foot in the door. Even if it takes you two years, you are miles ahead of so many.

And after reading so many of your posts, I agree with Lizzy...the gender team won't let you down.

Honey...I don't want to pump you full of sunshine...this is a hard road for everyone of us....but, the journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step and you've taken that..

No, I'll not ask you to leave family and friends to come here and transition....But, I will warn you that most of us lose many things to gain ourselves...

Dear.....all I'm saying is to focus on what you have....

You have started your journey.....

There is time involved....make the best of it....ok?

No, just a long night, with only the stars to guide me.

And every night ends at dawn; hence my name...

Love,

Roxanna

[Guest Cynthia Of Creation]

I share some similar points to you, i really am void of advice right now but, I did read it, and it seems to me yuor an a ok gal!

[Guest Roxanna L]

I share some similar points to you, i really am void of advice right now but, I did read it, and it seems to me yuor an a ok gal!

HUGGS!!!

Thank you, Cynthia!

Anna

[Guest Cynthia Of Creation]

HUGGS!!!

Thank you, Cynthia!

Anna

HUGS right back girl,

Cynth

[Guest Maria_B]

Anna, anna, Roxanna.

Come someone start Sera Sera?

Whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see.

Roxanna.

You're a wonderful girl and I have all hopes that the ''A-Team'' will come through for you.

You don't have to go to America, COME TO AUSTRALIA

I jest, I jest.

I trust in you, and I have faith for a better tomorrow, even if that tomorrow is years away

Much hugs, Much cuddles, Much... Muchness.

Love, Maria