Trapped

[Flint]

Hey everyone hope your all have a good day

At the end of 2006 i came out to my parents. They have never tried to call me Matt, not that i expected them to right away. I mean it's not an everyday thing you hear is it? I didn't expect them to accept it right away, not at all. But i did expect, that although they'd struggle that maybe they'd try to understand where i'm coming from. I also thought they would sill be there for me whatever i chose. Well actually....I had fears that they would abandon me, but i kept telling myself "Nah they are your parents. They won't do that!" The other week i was talking to my mother about changing my name legally. She got in a mood, she said "Well i won't take you anywhere if you change your name legally. Nor will your dad. You'll have to find your own way to hospital appoitments and such things" Okay, that doesn't sound like the end of the world does it? but here is the thing: I'm in a wheelchair. I used to get a taxi everyday to college, i had to leave for health reasons. The taxi drivers were really not very good with the wheelchair, when i got home from college they pretty much got the chair out the boot of the car, threw it over to the side i was getting out of, leave the foot things that you put at bottom of chair for feet obvioulsy lol....Just leave them next to the chair and drive of....So i'm sat there in my chair, reaching down to the floor trying to get the feet things on....a few times i had to reach so far that i fell out of my chair. I can't get to a bus stop i live down a hill. I have a manual chair, i'm not classed as disabled enough for an electric wheelchair. Even though i can not walk at all. I could buy my own but i simply do not have the money or the space. can't get to train station not without a lift from a taxi, bus or of course mum or dad...... It's making me extremley sad, sometimes even suicidal. How long had you been out before parents accepted you if they ever did? I don't know if this is a pointless post or not....But...i feel so trapped.....I don't wanna make it so i can no longer go out what so ever it's alread hard enough aas it is but mum and dad will take me out at the moment, as i'm not out to rest of family and haven't changed my name legally. I dunno what to do. I really don't...It's like my mother is using this against me, the fact that if they won't take me out it could be pretty impossile for me to get out. It's like she's keeping me in this lie and this is how she can keep me in it for as long as she wants too. I have no friends, close by. I lost them all....Well i never really had any real friends.....so ihave no friends who can help out, my sister is bullying me to the point where sometimes i just think why do i carry on living?! if i'm always gonna be treated like this. basicly i come out to rest of family live full time as male and they pretty much abandon me and leave me somewhat stranded.....I carry on living this lie and...well wwhat it comes down to is either a life or death situation (No i'm not being over dramatic i honestly feel i'd end it if i had to live this way forever) But i'm not sure how i'd cope if i was abandoned either.....I don't honestly see a light at the end right now

[Guest Sergei]

My mother had the same sort of response when I first told her that I was going to change my name legally. She couldn't bear the thought of me changing it, and she also hated the name Sergei. I went ahead and bought the deedpoll form off of the internet anyway and did it.

I gave her an ultimatum. I told her that if she loved me she would respect the decision I had made and would make an effort to use the correct pro-nouns and my new name. I told her that if she wasn't willing to do this then she shouldn't bother talking to me anymore. I can see that in your situation it is slightly more difficult because of your reliance on your parents. I'd just do it if I was you. Once it has been done and your parents start seeing how much happier you are they will probably begin to except it. My mother is great now with the name, and the pro-nouns. I think she is actually really comfortable with the whole situation as well now, because she has seen how much better I am these days. I hope everything works out for you. x

[Guest raydub]

Matt.

im not sure what to say..but i hope to high heavens that you hang in there buddy. it sounds really rough and i hate to hear you going through things like this, but hang on. since your parents will still take you places right now, maybe you can just work toward meeting and making friends right now. people that can help support you for when you do get your name change and continue on with transition.

good luck man. my thoughts will be with you.

Ray

[Guest Drew]

i agree with Ray, you should make some friends who like you for who you are. it sucks that parents are doing this though, it almost seems like an abuse of power on their part...like they're using this against you. i did basically the same thing as Sergei with the name change issue, i told my mom i was changing my name no matter what she thought and if she didn't like it i would just move in with my dad...needless to say, i was out of her house within a week...but i got my name changed. i do realise that your situation is different and it really sucks that you have limited mobility, but again, maybe take advantage of your parents driving you places for now and make some good friends.

stay strong man!

[Flint]

Thanks for replies. I still haven't decided whats best to do yet. but yea, i'll see.