Younger Children

[Guest MonikaC]

My wife thought today would be a good day to talk to our son about my transitioning. Things are going to be changing for me pretty soon, so I agreed with her. He is 6 years old and used to call me mom, so I didn't think it would be that much of an issue. Well, I was wrong.

He started crying and saying that he wants a "normal" family. He then asked if my given name was a boy name or girl name. I told him it was a boy name. He then said "I want you to think about it. You cant change your name." After that, he wouldn't talk to me at all. I have always had a very close relationship with him. From the time I get home from work until it is bed time, he follows me around and we talk and play. He has never not talked to me about anything.

I'm feeling like a horrible parent right now. I know I have no other real choice, but i still feel incredibly selfish. For those with younger children, how did they react when you told them, and how long did it take for them to come around?

Monika

[Guest Emily Ray]

I know how your heart must be breaking right now! But, be strong you are doing the right thing and though he can't comprehend it you are. Know that you are in your heart. He is young and children are incredibly resilient. Hold on to it. Keep us posted!

Huggs

Emily

Ps my nephew is 19 and we didn't have much of a relationship before I changed but he could see the difference in my mood and is now sure I am doing the right thing for me. Lots of love dear!

[Guest JustShelly]

My wife thought today would be a good day to talk to our son about my transitioning. Things are going to be changing for me pretty soon, so I agreed with her. He is 6 years old and used to call me mom, so I didn't think it would be that much of an issue. Well, I was wrong.

He started crying and saying that he wants a "normal" family. He then asked if my given name was a boy name or girl name. I told him it was a boy name. He then said "I want you to think about it. You cant change your name." After that, he wouldn't talk to me at all. I have always had a very close relationship with him. From the time I get home from work until it is bed time, he follows me around and we talk and play. He has never not talked to me about anything.

I'm feeling like a horrible parent right now. I know I have no other real choice, but i still feel incredibly selfish. For those with younger children, how did they react when you told them, and how long did it take for them to come around?

Monika

i don't understand why he use to call you mom your his dad

can you blame him for wanting a normal family

your rught though YOU don't have no other choice

[Guest chngnwnd]

My kids are a bit older, but one of them had trouble adjusting at first. Be patient and consistent. Both my children are totally accepting now of my transition.

hugs

Bobbi

[Guest sarah f]

I agree with Bobbi and just give him time. It will take time but he will come around when he notices you are the same person he always played with.

[Guest MonikaC]

Thanks for the advice. He was a little cold to me, but he was talking to me this morning at least. I'm not sure how he is going to deal with it when I start presenting at home though.

[Guest BeckyTG]

Thanks for the advice. He was a little cold to me, but he was talking to me this morning at least. I'm not sure how he is going to deal with it when I start presenting at home though.

Monika,

Just a little at a time. Presenting at home has to be gradual. You can't just show up one day in a dress and makeup and expect nothing will change.

Bit by little bit, creeps in the change. It drives us trans people nuts because we want pearls and high heels overnight and it just doesn't work that way. I was one of the worst in this regard. I wanted it all and wanted it now. I had to learn patience and it worked nicely.

It took me months to make the final presentation change. By the time I was ready for the last steps, it was an anti-climax and people were getting uncomfortable with the partial presentation (it's about time!).

We have to remember that, regardless of what people may say when we come out to them, positive or negative, it takes time to settle in and can change over time. It's never over until it's over...

Take your time and work smart.

Hugs,

Becky

[Sakura]

i have always said, to transition , one has to be a little bit selfish , which isn't a bad thing. i mean we spend most of our lifes up till transition shrowded in darkness , fear and doubt , often times out of concern for not our selves but for what it will do to those we care most about . by the time we neeeed to tranistion. i think most have earned the right to be alittle selfish.

though, i am a little bit suprized , your son acted that way, most children his age , barely register the change . i don't have kids of my own. i dashed that dream to pieces when. i began taking hrt as a teen.(thats another story though ) what i did have in stead were nieces and nephews . i couldn't love anymore , if they came from my own body , the months proceeding my coming out , was filled with worry of what it would do to my then two nieces ( have a 3rd now ) i was like a hero to my oldest , she was always saying things like " your the strongest , bestest uncle in the whole world ) crushing that image , for her was one of the worst things imaginable to me, so i held off . for a few mor months, till i couln't any longer and came out .

at first it was great, she never made the connection , . though she still reffered to me and uncle in public *shutters* my mother constantly nagging " think what your doing to them " then outta the blue she noticed . then 5 years old , was saying things and talking to me in ways, that. i knew she wasn't coming up with on her own .i mean what kid tells you, your confused , and tells you that it breaks her heart , a kid that has been coached which. i later found out was my moms doing , she knew they were my heart , and hoped turning them against me would , would shake me from my path

not meaning to sew any seed of distrust. but often times. i have found its not your transition messing with thier little heads , but more often than not. its out side interference , from some one that dosn't want you to transition, spouse . parent , friend . they use every tool at thier disposal . to break you. and keep you the way they want you to be , so i would be paying close attention , to any one that has contact with your son , and has a problem or disagrees in even the slightest, about your transition

i moved 700 miles away to resolve my problem, with my nieces. and my mom getting fully on bord. they had all for gotten that. i used to be thier uncle and , didn't even second guess that. i am their aunt. i thought it might maybe , in the back of their mind, a concern that was put to rest with thier last visit. i wont get into it but they , didn't quest me at all any more till my mom busted out some home movies ........ad they made the connection again and are asking questions , caught me off guard but its a convo im waiting to have till i am face to face with em , i really hope it dosn't change our realtionship.....i could sooner do with out my arms than. i could do with out them

Sakura