Questions

[Guest G_Unit]

My name is Stacy Anne though my UN is G_unit. I've been struggling with the fact that sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong body. When I first started cross dressing i was in my teens i think. I did it for a couple years then it sort of went away.. Not really.. When I was investigating the church the friend of mine that introduced me to it sat down with me in my apt and said if this is something you want to do then i'll help you just don't get baptized until after the transition. Well I never could come to get a sex change. I'm not really sure why. But when I moved into the apartment i'm in now i knew it would come back. i'm actually glad it has. because i love it. but I don't know many people in my town that are like us. Someone told me once that i'm not the only one in town that does it. She even gave me a place that i should stay away from. Which was nice. Anyways I'd really like some help getting people to accept me for who i am. Any help is nice.

Thanks,

Stacy Anne

[Cyndee]

Hi Stacey Anne,

You are welcome here and thanks for sharing your story. Cross dressing is a form of self expression, that unfortunately for persons born Male has been stigmatized. I have been cross dressing since I was about 7. The desires always seemed to oscillate in intensity over the years. I have been through several purge cycles, however I now admit that after over 50 years that this is really a part of me and I embrace it, I enjoy it everyday. Expressing ones own feminine side if born male, is a very enriching activity once the hurdles created by society and conditioning are overcome. I am sure you will receive many other welcomes from the membership here. This web site and community is like an extended family, and a real friendly place.

Hugs and enjoy.

Cindy -

[Cyndee]

Hi Stacy Anne

I just realized which forum you posted in. Perhaps the moderators here will move your post to "Introductions". I will also add that I grew up in the LDS church having Mormon parents, I attended up to about age 15 and am still considered a "member", however I am no longer active. I have had many positive experiences with the church, and most members I know are the nicest people you will ever meet.

Cindy -

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Stacy Anne,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. While we have a lot of people who are transitioning or are considering it (both mtf and ftm), we also have a somewhat active cross-dressing group here. And many of them are more than happy to answer questions, share experiences, tips, suggestions, or just support. There are a lot of us in this world, and sometimes knowing others, or even that there are others, who have lived or are living a lot like what you've shared so far is comforting. We're glad you're here.

Hugs

Chloë (whose crossdressing comes and goes, sometimes very quickly!)

[Guest ChloëC]

Stacy Anne, Cindy has a good suggestion, but rather than move this thread, because I think it's important for others to know that religious people of vastly different denominations can share the same concerns (and I don't want you to think that we banished your post!!!), why don't you come on over to the Introduction forum and let others know who you are. And if you want, come back to this thread to discuss or ask questions about the sacred side of how we deal with life.

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest April63]

Hi Stacy Anne,

I would just like to say that you don't need to lose your faith or your church attendance because of how you feel. You don't need to feel overly ashamed of yourself either. No one is perfect and Christ accepts that. That is why we have Christ. People who understand this concept and the doctrine of love will care for you regardless of what they believe. Sometimes love is forgotten by certain individuals, but as long as you continue in faith you should be able to find others that will love you and continue to uplift you regardless of your identity or actions.

[Guest G_Unit]

See what i'm struggling with is how can I be a worthy member of the church and still be who i am? Once I can come to terms with that I should be fine. Any suggestions?

Stacy Anne

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I know of a minimum of four members here that are LDS. I won't invade their privacy here. But, like April and Cindy Ann wrote, it seems there is a resolution within the faith. You just need to work it through with these people.

Lizzy

[Guest G_Unit]

How does one get over the normal fear of "will something happen to me while I'm out" because that fear is a very real fear for me. I've struggled with it for a while now more like several years. My mom would tell me "see that's what can happen if you do that" when she and I would watch some shows she would watch. That was when I was cross dressing like i am now. So if anyone can tell me how they got over this i'd be willing to not only listen but to take the advice to heart from those who are willing to give it.

Thanks,

Stacy Anne Gold

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Do you mean going out dressed as a girl? It's complicated.

do you have a general photograph of your facial features?

Lizzy

[Guest April63]

Coming out at church is the same as coming out anywhere else. There are going to be people who disapprove and there will be people who accept. If you have a righteous bishop, you shouldn't have too many problems coming out to him, but you might not hear what you want to hear from him. But if he is righteous, he will handle the situation in a loving and caring manner.

When I was struggling with my beliefs and transsexualism, I went through two spiritual journeys. One was as a woman and one was as a man. I wanted to find out what was right. I need the Lord's help in seeing His plan for me, and with some time and effort I received that help. I understood who I was. I felt the Spirit, and my identity was confirmed to me. Just through this simple experiment, I was able to feel the Spirit and an increased peace more strongly with one identity than the other. It was through this and prayer and meditation that I discovered what I should do.

I think you could adapt this and use it to help you find yourself. You could cross dress and go to church, perhaps at a different place and time for anonymity. You can also do some meditation on the matter. How do you feel when pray when you're dressed versus not? How about when studying the scriptures? You don't need to answer these questions here. These are to help you find your identity and standing in the church.

And also a quick note on guilt. I know a lot of people experience guilt, and it is actually an interesting topic. We feel guilt when we do something that we believe to have been wrong. It is a natural feeling, and it has a very good purpose. The problem is that guilt is relative. We do not feel guilt for breaking laws, but only when we break our own standards. Thus it is quite possible for us to feel quilt when there is no true reason to do so. We do it because we are under the impression that something is wrong, even if it is right.

This doesn't mean guilt is bad though. It just means that we can be manipulated through guilt. When are have the correct standards, guilt is a very good indicator that we have done something wrong. The issue is, getting to the correct standards. So because of this, we need to work with positive feelings rather than the negative. Use the Spirit to guide you to the truth, not guilt. Guilt can help keep you on the straight and narrow, but let the Lord find that path for you first.

[Cyndee]

Coming out at church is the same as coming out anywhere else. T

This doesn't mean guilt is bad though. It just means that we can be manipulated through guilt. When are have the correct standards, guilt is a very good indicator that we have done something wrong. The issue is, getting to the correct standards. So because of this, we need to work with positive feelings rather than the negative. Use the Spirit to guide you to the truth, not guilt. Guilt can help keep you on the straight and narrow, but let the Lord find that path for you first.

April is so right on here. Don't let guilt be manipulated, stand tall over guilt, many use guilt to coerce compliance into their beliefs.

I was taught in the Mormon church how to pray when I was young. What really became of value in this teaching was how to listen for the response, the feeling, the answer if you will. Be true to yourself, god realizes this, you will hear the answer.

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest G_Unit]

I do have a picture of me but it's almost seven years old. not sure if it shows off my facial features. But i'll upload it so you can see. Yes I meant going out dressed as a girl. I find it very hard for me to do. About church.. I think my bishop is pretty easy going. So it might be easy to come out to him. I wanted to wear a bra and panties to church today but i couldn't.. I was going to but at the last minute i changed out of them. With having to wear a white shirt that's seethroughable rather easily it didn't seem like a good thing to do. If i was going to wear a black shirt i would have. Maybe i'll talk to my bishop about it next week.

Stacy Anne

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It isn't necessarily the clothes. GOD isn't that concerned on what you wear, if you feel it's appropriate for you. And you have two of the very best people advising you now, they know the Church.

I was curious if you felt that it would be difficult to dress and go public. Like I said, it's complicated. If you tend to be unnoticed, and it is what you feel you must do, that is one thing. It's really about attitude.

I an 100% diagnosed transsexual and 2 years transitioning. I live full time as myself. I don't hesitate to wear my clothes, why should I? They fit me, they are what we women wear. I wold feel like a freak dressed 'male' mode.

When I first started I had all those guilt issues you probably have. It gets to the point you rather be yourself, and if that means that you are seen as a 'freak' so be it. I found out people rarely see you at all, as male OR as female. Not if you are secure in what you are.

Just some secular advice.

Lizzy

[Guest G_Unit]

See i sometimes hesitate to wear my girl clothes. I don't have an issue wearing them around home because everyone in my apt complex knows this is what i am. Yea i kinda think it will be difficult to dress and go public. i think that because i've only ever been out once but it wasn't anyting cute. some friends of mine thought it would be a good idea. Well i turned out to be embarrassed completely. So now that that's been said. How do i get over the original fear of not wanting to go out dressed as a girl. When i go somewhere people know me like church i'm noticed because of the spirit that i bring to conversations and such. I've had guy missionary's tell me that i have this glow about me so here's another question.. how does one keep that glow about them while being in feminine. This i would like to know. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

[Guest April63]

When you say you have this glow, are you referring to the Light of Christ? If so, it should stay with you as long as you follow Christ.

[Cyndee]

See i sometimes hesitate to wear my girl clothes. I don't have an issue wearing them around home because everyone in my apt complex knows this is what i am. Yea i kinda think it will be difficult to dress and go public. i think that because i've only ever been out once but it wasn't anyting cute. some friends of mine thought it would be a good idea. Well i turned out to be embarrassed completely. So now that that's been said. How do i get over the original fear of not wanting to go out dressed as a girl. When i go somewhere people know me like church i'm noticed because of the spirit that i bring to conversations and such. I've had guy missionary's tell me that i have this glow about me so here's another question.. how does one keep that glow about them while being in feminine. This i would like to know. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Hi Stacy Anne

No one forces you to be "out". The most important thing is to feel comfortable with yourself. Cross dressing is not evil or deviant, it is a form of self expression that unfortunately is not well understood. I can imagine explaining your desires to the Bishop of the ward. My guess is the eventual response from the church will be to try and "heal" you from cross dressing. Unless you really know and trust this person that your confiding in is in full confidence, then I can almost expect him to bring in others to respond to your "issue". The church response will most likely be of initial acceptance, but with a continual effort to "heal" you.

As far as the missionary's referring to your "Glow". That is perhaps their perceptions of you with the holy spirit. Many refer to this as an enlightenment and can be sensed by members of the church in spiritual discussions. There is no reason your state of enlightenment will go away if your are expressing your feminine inner self, by being dressed. As Lizzy indicates they are only clothes.

Best wishes

Cindy -

[Guest G_Unit]

I thank you girls for everything you told me.. It's been really helpful. Yes my bishop is someone i know well and trust. I'm almost posistive that he would be supportive of it at first. but yes he would prolly have that desire to "fix" me. I've already had one bishop do that to me. Actually it wasn't a bishop it was the friend that brought me in to the church. I've actually had more than one person try to "fix" me. Look at me now. Yes the "glow" i was talking about was the light of christ. I don't know why it would go away for being myself. Again... Thanks alot girls. I plan to continue to ask questions when they arise.

[Cyndee]

Your most welcome here anytime Stacy Anne.

God bless you, and you are in our prayers.

Cindy -

[Guest Kathrin]

See what i'm struggling with is how can I be a worthy member of the church and still be who i am? Once I can come to terms with that I should be fine. Any suggestions?

It is doable, though it can be quite difficult. As you are looking to maintain your faith, I am going to respond in accordance with LDS beliefs. I will also be using the King James Version of the bible for the same reason.

I know from personal experience that it can be very difficult to reconcile LDS faith with innate feelings. I still remember the day that "The Family: A proclamation to the world" was read in Stake Conference:

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

For most Christian denominations, spirits are different from earthly beings in several ways:

Matthew 22:30

For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

1 Corinthians 15:44

It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.

The difference is a crucial one from a doctrinal standpoint - to the LDS church, you have a spirit with a divine destiny. You have a gender, and a job to do. Marriage is not just "till death do you part".

For a LDS transsexual, things are difficult. The church handbook of instructions specifically states that someone who has SRS is ineligible to receive a temple recommend. The "crowning achievements" of the LDS church, and what - more than anything - set them apart from the other religions is their belief in a) eternal marriage, and the priesthood.

Passing helps quite a bit, but dating will likely be a nightmare. Most LDS men and women want someone that they can marry, in the temple, for time and all eternity. LDS women tend to want men who are worthy priesthood holders for their household. They typically do not want the stigma of living in a (from the public perspective, not the church perspective) a lesbian relationship. LDS men want usually a wife they can marry in the temple, and to be the worthy priesthood holder.

As for the priesthood, the handbook states that people who are post-op may not be given the priesthood. In fact, having an "elective transsexual surgery" is the one and only thing that automatically completely disqualifies you from the temple - not rape, incest, or murder (though it can obviously be extremely hard to get a recommend at that point).

I like much of the culture of the church, and attend for the social value. Relief society is much more relevant than priesthood ever was to me, and good

advice for raising children is beneficial no matter where it comes from. I still see the value in placing the emphasis on family, in helping others, and the myriad of other good things the church does. I left for a variety of reasons, but I choose not to be a member for doctrinal reasons* stemming from my preparation to be a missionary. I still follow most of the church standards, including the word of wisdom, though they would probably not approve of my spouse.

I came out to a bishop, and rather than condemnation, I had compassion. The only real condemnation I had was from my Mormon parents, my Mormon grandmother, and my (decidedly non-Mormon) Grandfather who feels he is "incompatible with my life style choices".

In the end, it is possible to be a Mormon transsexual, however, it will be an arduous path and you will most likely not have the fullness of the LDS experience in this lifetime. It may not be the happiest path, either, but it is doable.

* As you are trying to maintain your faith, I will not go into those here. Should you ever wish to know about issues with the doctrine and history of the church, I would be glad to share details.

[JenniferB]

I'm a little curious about doctrine when it seems medical science is narrowing down what causes transsexuality. The empirical evidence is showing more and more that there is a birth defect. What is bothering me is that the church seem to feel that transsexuals have to live with gender dysphoria and suffer for their entire life to receive the full blessings of God. That is one big burden to carry, especially when all church members struggle to keep the commandments and most of them don't have this type of burden they have to carry all their life if they don't transition. That's a very big trial and the suffering can be immense.

Jenny

[Guest April63]

I'm a little curious about doctrine when it seems medical science is narrowing down what causes transsexuality. The empirical evidence is showing more and more that there is a birth defect. What is bothering me is that the church seem to feel that transsexuals have to live with gender dysphoria and suffer for their entire life to receive the full blessings of God. That is one big burden to carry, especially when all church members struggle to keep the commandments and most of them don't have this type of burden they have to carry all their life if they don't transition. That's a very big trial and the suffering can be immense.

Jenny

The Church does not deny the existence of gender dysphoria, or that there is some kind of defect at birth. In fact, the Church recognizes the evidence of birth defects. The Church believes that gender is an eternal trait that exists in pre-mortal, mortal, and post-mortal life. It is this belief, and that gender is significantly important, that leads to the Church's opposition to transition. We do not know the extent of the significance of all of the details about gender. These have not been revealed, but we believe that the Lord will reveal them at some point.

The purpose of this life is to learn and grow in ways that could be done without a body. We believe that we existed previously as only spirits, and have now been given bodies to continue to develop and increase our intelligence. We have been born in times and places that are suitable for our own personal development. Gender dysphoria, and all other trials that may be brought with birth, should not be seen as curses, but instead are ways designed specifically for us to help us grow.