"rules"

[Guest audrey michelle]

okay, i was just thinking about this earlier and this is kind of a pointless/venting topic but i kind of just wanted to get this off my chest

i think over-analyzing and over-thinking are like BIG among the trans community. as in, i hear from a lot of trans people how they over-think every little situation or over-analyze things that dont even matter. i do it too. and i think we also like super study women too hard. like i think sometimes we try too hard. like a trans girl can venture off to the mall and see a genetic girl and like over-analyze her: "oh, she walks with her left foot first." "oh okay, she swings both arms when walking. have to write that one down." "oh oh oh oh! 85% of the women i observed wear their purse on this side. kk, got that!" "k, never flip the left side of your hair. roger that."

my mom does this to me too as well as some of my friends. my mom says that women dont swear or act obnoxious and whatever. and my friend is super uptight in what i do...such as re-applying my lipgloss after finishing a meal at the restaurant, stating "girls dont do that..." and i just find it SOO annoying. like is there a rule book out there? where can i purchase this? not every female acts or does the same things the same way. its not like if i say a swear word or re-apply my lipgloss that a random person will look at me and go "man. girl wannabe." haha like no?

from reading some posts and topics here, i feel that trying to become ourselves almost becomes like homework for some? homework as in the kind where one takes notes on stuff that really is almost irrelevant or doesnt matter much...like taking in too much information? does that make sense? i dont know, maybe im rambling. but i have genetic female friends who burp in public, pass gas in public, swear, yell when they talk, sit with their legs spread wide open [instead of crossing the legs], leave their house with their hair looking like a bird's nest, walking "manly," whateverrr.

i guess what im trying to say is dont stress yourself in memorizing or observing every little detail. its finee. i dont necessarily act like a lady like my mom wants me to but i still pass 110%. i dont sit there and eye a woman from toe to forehead, making mental notes of every movement and i still pass 110%. why? because im being me and who i really am inside. im being comfortable with myself out in public instead of worrying and memorizing "rules to being a woman" and i never have a problem when i go around the city or whatever. i mean, most of society or whatever already has placed rules on us ["born with a penis? you MUST be a man, inside and out"] so why add more? be comfortable with yourself and just do whatever. im not saying NOT to observe women and take notes or whatever [because it does help to pass or better clue you in with your inner self] but im saying to NOT make it a chore or routine to follow when presenting as your true self.

maybe this doesnt even make sense but i get annoyed of it, haha. from my mom telling me "you dont have any lipstick on? um okay" [as if its a MUST for women] to my friend telling me "

youre wearing heels to the mall? girls dont do that but okay." just be yourself. there isnt a specific way to being a female or a specific way of doing things. its okayy

anyways. appointment monday with my gender therapist. meet with the endo towards the end of february, hopefully followed b bloodwork and then hormones. seeking a job, ughhhh

[Carolyn Marie]

Audrey, you are a very wise young woman. Your observations are, in my opinion, spot on.

In the beginning, I think its natural that we overemphasize feminine traits and try too hard to get it "perfect." When I first started going out en femme, I wouldn't dream of wearing pants as I thought I wouldn't pass unless I wore a skirt or a dress. Now I realize I don't have to do that to pass, and I wear whatever is comfortable and appropriate. Well, maybe I still wear a little too much makeup.

Excellent post, Audrey, and some very good advice.

Carolyn Marie

[JJ]

Audrey , though my perspective is different I think I can offer some reasons many of us do that over analyzing thing. It is perhaps because many of us have been forced to live for awhile, sometimes a long while, in an incorrect gender.

We often didn't know why but the things that we were expected to know or do just weren't there for us. Were wrong. So we were forced to analyze the behavior of others to try to fit in We developed that habit sometimes to an extent that it became automatic behavior.

So when we transition it carries with us. Even though it ends up not really being necessary it is a habit so ingrained we either are no longer aware of it or feel insecure venturing into a new role without it.

Thank you for bringing it up and reminding us that we don't need to do it anymore.

Hugs

John

[Guest Sannara]

And just after I have packed my field glasses, map and compass into my bag to find all the appropriate styles of make-up and fashion on all the women at the mall. Darn it. I guess I will just have to lighten my bag.

Thank you Audrey, for an timely observation which I know I can use, as John pointed out, Some of us have some set-in ways, and we do fear them exposing us. But you are so right, as I have too noted that the distinction between male and female dress and behavior is growing thin.

Huggs Audrey from Sannara

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Very good and very valid points, young lady.

I am guilty of over-analyzing. I had to because I needed some kind of starting reference point and to me, what better way than to over-analyze and take in everything to the minute detail so I had some place to start from and then fine tune from there. I still over-analyze but now I do it with comparisons. Like if I see a woman doing something, like walking with her purse on her left side. I'll look around and see if other women are doing it. If I see it often, yeah I'll change and put my purse on the left side. If I see a mixture of left side and right side, I'll chalk it up to personal preference and keep doing what I'm doing. I personally prefer the right side anyway as it's my strongest arm.

As far as retouching lip gloss after a meal. Again I think that boils down to personal preference. Some women may not do it. Some probably do. That's your thing. There's a broad spectrum of acceptable female behavior and practices. You don't have to be on the extreme end of either one. If you want to that's fine. I just aim for somewhere in the middle.