I Am Not Sure Who I Am

[Guest MaryLim]

To start off i am an asian and i am not good at english .I will do my best to write this. 1st of all i am born male . I am now 18 and just ended my high school and not applying for college yet and not working ( dont have a job) . I am chinese . I have been living as a male for the rest of my life , i have memories of me when i was kindergraten that i usualy play or be friends with girls more then boys. When i was in grade school i have the worst childhood of my life... i was bullied cause i always cry and i sometimes fight back to the bully and end up bet beaten badly , i sometimes think that i would be better born as a girl rather then boy because of this bully problem .

Then after grade school i finaly reach junior high , that time the bully problem had gone and i dont have that problem anymore

My junior high was rather normal i have friends both female and male and this time i more male friends then female . By the time i was 14 i discovered that i have girl side in me , and i started to like women clothing and want to try wearing one my self . I had try on women clothing a few times and i get the feeling of excitement and happy feeling about it. I do get aroused when i was in women clothing I have been doing this secretly and my family or anyone have no idea about it .

I am a heterosexual and i like women but want to be one , i like anime and manga and mostly(yuri) manga or anime i read usualy make me feel happy and i rather enjoy it , erotic scene where female and female (less) make me feel aroused and sometimes i wish that i one the be them as a girl and falling in love with a girl. I dont have any GirlFriend right now and i am not dating . Then when i was 17 i getting pretty serious about my gender i dunno which is the one that fits me . I still enjoy my male life and i like gaming and stuff but still want to be pretty , wearing women clothing and desire for female sexual parts (vagina and breast).I dont like sports at all.

I still haven go for any therapists yet and i am scare to because of my family , i am scare to tell my family about this. Maybe after a year where i started college or got a job then i will go for therapists .Can i keep this a secret from my family about the therapy , i am not ready to tell them yet. Am i realy a transgendered or just lying to myself. What will i be in near future.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Mary. You took a wise and bold step to join our family here, and you

will benefit from it.

Please read through whichever forum interests you, and post in any. Someone will always answer you.

We have a great Chat Room and excellent information in our resource pages, too.

Please take a few minutes to read the Terms and Conditions (forum rules). They are important to keep the site safe for all our members. A link can be found at the top of each page.

I know its a very confusing time in your life, and coming out to friends and family is difficult and doesn't always have a positive outcome. Sometimes its best to talk to a gender therapist first, as they can help you decide when and how to come out.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest MaryLim]

Thanks for the reply , i am looking foward for a therapist i hope .