Should I Come Out/transition During College?

[Guest UnicornGiggles]

I'm hoping this counts under 'Coming Out'.

My gender counsellor seems concerned about my procrastination towards coming out/transitioning. She's not said it in so many words, obviously, it would be bad practice to do so. But I'm good at reading people and I think she's mistranslating it as reluctance.

Well, yes, in a way I am reluctant. I'm not looking forward to the tantrums and questions. I'm not looking forward to the jokes and the talking behind my back. I'm not looking forward to explaining it all to a toddler and a teenager with autism (my nephews).

More importantly, I don't want this all to screw up my degree. I am no good with emotional multi-tasking. There's no way I could cope with "stuff at home" and handing in projects. It's taken too long to get here and I'm not going to blow it all now.

Yes, it means waiting 3-4 years. Yes, I'll be knocking on the big 3-0's birthday door. It's not like I'll be old. I have many years left in me, I should hope. And I'm not as dysphoric as others. I can cope living like this a little longer. It's not ideal, but it won't destroy me.

A little more about my situation:

• I have already started (British) university, but only the first year with a class of about 40.
  
• I live at home with my parents (siblings moved out ages ago).
  
• My family and r/l friends know NOTHING about any of my life on the internet; asexuality, transgender, gayness etc. They're aware that I'm a supporter of LGBT stuff but that's it.
  
• I've always worn boyish clothes so that's not a shock to them. I've had short hair on and off for several years so that's not a shock either. But they've yet to join the dots, so to speak.
  
• The area in which I go to school is a bit notorious for physical crimes (rape, robbery, ABH) though I have seen several MtF people wandering about quite confidently so it might not be as bad as I imagine.
  

Has anybody come out/transitioned during school/college etc? Was it worth it? Would you recommend it? Am I right to wait it out?

to everyone who reads all of this.

[Guest Emily Ray]

It has long been felt that college is the best place to come out and finally be ourselves I don't think it would be a topic of discussion much past a week after you do at school. Little kids are resilient. Todlers have know strong understanding of girl/boy terms. You will be OK

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Deandra]

I'm with you. I'm currently in college and i feel it isn't the right time to do something about my dyphoria. i haven't told my mom or anybody else i know about this yet. i'll probably never see any of my friends again after i leave college so im not going to tell them. so for now i'll wait til next year when i graduate.

Deandra

[guest]

Yea, college seems like the best time (other than the lack of money for things like surgery / hair removal if you go that direction). You go, sit in class... do your work.. and let the changes happen. Find like-minded people (tons to pick from in college environment) and just go on with your life.

College is a time when most people "find themselves".

[Guest April63]

I think it's best to at least wait until you have finished your first two years. That way, you have half of it completed, you're used to the school and community, and you know how busy and stressful it can be and if you can handle the addition of transition. If you need to wait, then wait. There is no problem with waiting. Transition is a huge undertaking and should not and cannot be taken lightly. There are many here who have successfully transitioned in their fifties or sixties. You'll have no problem at thirty. Waiting will also give you more time to understand yourself and your dysphoria, which is a good thing too.

[Guest Colm]

I'm transitioning while in uni, and it's been a good thing for me. Depends on your financial situation a lot though, and there will most likely be some emotional conflicts with your family. You might wait until you're between terms to come out to your family after having arranged to start the next term as male. You're right to think it through though -- it's not something to be taken on lightly, and if you don't feel you have to do it, it may not be worth it to you.