We're/you're An X Or In A Few Years You'll Blah Blah Blah

[Guest Orva26]

Where X is man or woman depending on your birth 'gender'.

I'm finding that now I operate with this questioning. I'm at a point in my life were a lot of people tell me (that's annoying enough with out any sort of gender thing going on) what I'm going to do in a few years. The most common one is, "You're going to meet a girl, get married and have kids!" It leaves me thinking, should I and/or will I? Should because I might be able to suppress things if I do but that would be completely un-noble and irresponsible.

I also find annoyance that people assume that one path as the best or desired one for me. Its pure social arrogance that on sight people assume that I am both hetero and that I am a person who wishes to breed: I'm not even going to comment on gender b/c no one assumes anything is up with that. Right now I am usually in a constant mental battle between identifying as TS and transitioning or identifying as a bi crossdresser who should give boys a try but regardless society's dream for me is one I'm not having right now and its utter inability to conceive that annoys the hell out of me. To the point where the mere utterance of things like, "We're men" has my mind jumping to "or are we?"/"Or am I".

I'm guessing this is a fairly common thing but I'll ask, is anyone else getting this?

-Orva

[Guest Jennifer2111]

Where X is man or woman depending on your birth 'gender'.

I'm finding that now I operate with this questioning. I'm at a point in my life were a lot of people tell me (that's annoying enough with out any sort of gender thing going on) what I'm going to do in a few years. The most common one is, "You're going to meet a girl, get married and have kids!" It leaves me thinking, should I and/or will I? Should because I might be able to suppress things if I do but that would be completely un-noble and irresponsible.

I also find annoyance that people assume that one path as the best or desired one for me. Its pure social arrogance that on sight people assume that I am both hetero and that I am a person who wishes to breed: I'm not even going to comment on gender b/c no one assumes anything is up with that. Right now I am usually in a constant mental battle between identifying as TS and transitioning or identifying as a bi crossdresser who should give boys a try but regardless society's dream for me is one I'm not having right now and its utter inability to conceive that annoys the hell out of me. To the point where the mere utterance of things like, "We're men" has my mind jumping to "or are we?"/"Or am I".

I'm guessing this is a fairly common thing but I'll ask, is anyone else getting this?

-Orva

I do not get this, but people are created differently, god loves each and everyone of us equally no matter what gender you are.

Just ignore them, it's your life, do what you want with it, if you happen to find that special lady then great, but don't let that stop you from being who you truly are dear.

Only you know what you are and what you need to do to fix it.

It's life, who cares what everyone else says? They're not you.

Best wishes Orva,

Jennifer.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh YES - everyone wants (wanted) to tell me how to run my life.

I don't let that happen now.

Lizzy

[Guest Orva26]

Only you know what you are and what you need to do to fix it.

It's life, who cares what everyone else says? They're not you.

That is true and I can try not to let it get to me, but this morning's thought is that I SHOULD correct them. Nothing militant just sort of, "Hey I'm bi and it bugs me that I get constantly assumed straight." Actually that kinda does sound militant.

Meh, IDK

-Orva

[Guest Patsy]

I originally wasn't going to reply to your post, Orva, as I do have a tendency to babble on by the yard, but

it seems to have struck rather a strong chord with me, for some reason.

Along with yourself and Lizzy, I never had any shortage of people in my life, more than willing to give me

chapter & verse on how to live it....and sadly, I bought into it wholesale.

The consequences of that over nearly fourty eight years, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy!

At the age I am now, I am constantly aware of what that kind of social pressure, not to mention, in all fairness, a

large helping of cowardice, has cost me, in terms of the possible.

We have but one life, hon...and it is ours to live as we feel we should...don't ever let anyone or anything persuade

you otherwise.

I am also bi, incidentally, so can relate to the kind of assumptions that irk you so.

Finally, I know it must seem like an endless mantra at times, but given your statements above, have you given any thought to

finding a Gender Therapist?

It is the best way I know, to distinguish the trees from the wood...and how I wish I'd had that

resource available to me decades before I did!

Huggs,

Patsy

[Guest Orva26]

Finally, I know it must seem like an endless mantra at times, but given your statements above, have you given any thought to

finding a Gender Therapist?

About to leave work to go and do that... the utter trepidation! I don't know what to expect.

Also, I'm super bi! As in I'm pansexual, I would just say bi because I wouldn't want to spend 15 minutes explaining the 'difference'.

[Guest Donna Jean]

It leaves me thinking, should I and/or will I? Should because I might be able to suppress things if I do but that would be completely un-noble and irresponsible.

-Orva

Many of us older Trans DID just that....

Married, got girlfriends/boyfriends, joined the military and so forth to try to suppress our feelings....

It only ended up making things more complicated..

That sux....

Donna Jean

[Guest erinanita]

I so wish that I had been able forty years ago to be the person I wanted to be, instead of what "they" wanted me to be. Even now, they still think I should wait till my mother dies before I transition. Sorry, I've put my life on hold long enough. Just be your own self.

Erin

[Michelle 2010]

come on Orva, your old enough to know..THE LAW..

College, find the career and spouse in your 20's

In your 30's the kids are young sprouts, maybe Babe Ruth ball instead of Little League.

In your 40's you're maximizing your income, ignoring the children and messing around on your wife.

In your 50's you're impoverished from the divorce and ready for the heart attack from overeating and drinking

In your 60's you're hoping the pension is worth the job you hated for the last 25 years and glad the medical goes with you into retirement because of the heart attack you had.

So.. whats not to like?

All in all, I think you're better off making your own choices

Michelle

Btw, can we say "wood' here?

[Guest SidESlicker]

Right now I am usually in a constant mental battle between identifying as TS and transitioning or identifying as a bi crossdresser who should give boys a try but regardless society's dream for me is one I'm not having right now and its utter inability to conceive that annoys the hell out of me.

Oh hell yeah

As for what society says? Eh screw em and fumble your way through your own life. Even if you stumble a couple times, you can at least say you did it because you were holding your head up with pride.

I find that sexual orientation, while being harder to define, is much easier to figure out as compared to say... your gender. If you don't already have a boy in mind that makes your trigger jump, then eh, don't go for it. Stick with what does make your trigger jump.

Yeah, I kind of twitch when people say "Hello men!" too. Try living the cross dressing life for a while, it doesn't make you any less trans or any less of a gender. Your identity as a cross dresser is not an accsessory like some people believe. Whether you're fourteen years on hormone therapy, or you like presenting yourself a certain way on certain days, you aren't any less or more trans.

And finally? Go dance shirtless to Lady Gaga's new song "Born This Way" and enjoy your life. Just saying.

[Guest Orva26]

I find that sexual orientation, while being harder to define, is much easier to figure out as compared to say... your gender. If you don't already have a boy in mind that makes your trigger jump, then eh, don't go for it. Stick with what does make your trigger jump.

Good advice, I'm going to have to go with it for now. I'm not going to do anything rash, but I've had life events that may need closure and closure may involve relations with a man. Actually thinking about running the idea by the therapist I'm going to start seeing.

And finally? Go dance shirtless to Lady Gaga's new song "Born This Way" and enjoy your life. Just saying.

I actually listened to it for the first time a few minutes ago. Looks like I'm going to have to start respecting her... *vomits a little*. Its actually kind of weirding me out because dance pop music is usually my freaking BANE.

In terms of what I don't like about "the law" pretty much everything. I don't wish any of it, at least not at the moment. The conclusion I keep reaching is that I want to walk around and have people unflinching identify me as female, or at least as not a man. I actually spent about 2 hours bemusing the idea of transitioning and getting to go to work and not having conversations about various personal care products that I don't know the function of open with, "If you were a girl..." but rather, "Hey Orva you should try this, it..." But a few hours after that I got a low once my brain decided to remind me of all the things I'd have to do to get there.

Meh, today is gonna be interesting. Gonna go to a support group as 'en femme" as I can. Which now is a WHOLE LOT because I'm basically just missing a jacket.