Should Be A Simple Question But...

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

When most people ask when I realized I was aware that my gender identity was not the same as my sex they expect a number or a range of numbers but it instead there are multiple answers depending on how aware they are talking about. I know when I see a therapist I am going to be asked this question so I need to understand what to do about the complications of a gradual realization instead of a sudden one. I have been waking up from numerous slumbers for a while and there was always some kind of feeling; a degree of confusion from day one but being suspicious of something and actually forming a solid statement are two different things. If the person is asking when I first had any odd feeling at all then the answer would be that I was aware even as I was just growing up but I only felt something was wrong and was uncomfortable with what I was being taught. A good example is the way I was taught to get ready. My parents made a big deal about it because children are supposed to becme independant but when I first got ready in the morning I felt wrong because it was too fast. I was worried I had cut some corners so I went through a list in my head and I realized that the only things left to do were what girls were supposed to do to get ready. I was surprised that I was finished and I couldn't shake the feeling that I had forgotten something. I wasn't fully aware I just had an inner feeling that seemed to be trying to come out. If the person asking me when I was aware wants to know when it first occurred to me that I might not actually be a male but does not care whether I dismissed the thought as my imagination or accepted it than the answer would be that it happened in mid elementary school. I first came up with a theory that I had a feminine mind and I may have done so to try and explain why I didn't fit in with the boys at school and why many of the generalizations about the female gender described me. There were enough of such generalizations that they stopped seeming like odd occurrences and I began to feel bombarded with things that didn't make sense to me. I didn't accept this theory and I rationalized it by convincing myself that I wanted to be a girl so badly that I was trying to come up with any part of me to think of as female. My body was clearly male so I tried to convince myself that my mind was female. This meant that it first occurred to me in the middle of elementary school but I could not accpet it and I called myself crazy. If the person asking me this typical question wants to know when I first accepted it than the answer would be at the very end of elementary school when I was transitioning into highschool. Because this question is more complicated with my gradual realization, I need advice about answering it when I see a therapist and I am asked. It would be inconvenient to provide this lengthly explanation so I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions as to what I should do. Any advice is much appreciated.

[Guest Emily Ray]

I think that you can explain it just as you have here. Remember there is no single right answer. You have explained your level of comprension here and it makes sense that a young child wouldn't have the words to say what is wrong only know that something is.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest sleeping chrysalid]

I think that you can explain it just as you have here. Remember there is no single right answer. You have explained your level of comprension here and it makes sense that a young child wouldn't have the words to say what is wrong only know that something is.

Huggs

Emily

Thank you. I was just worried that the detail involved would be too much for an actual conversation with a therapist. I don't want to seem like I am rambling when I have my first appointment and things aren't exactly simple.

[JJ]

Your therapist may well be very interested in the detail and I am sure will want to hear what you feel and what you have to say rather than something you have rehearsed or prepared. Just be yourself and go with it as it happens. Trust your therapist to ask what they need and guide you through.

As Emily said there are no right or wrong answers- in fact they aren't even answers just your own unique experiences and feelings. Our experiences are as varied as we all are.

Hugs

John

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Wat you wrote? I think your therapist would like to know.

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

I think that you can explain it just as you have here.

Carolyn Mari