To Be Or Not To Be...androgynous...

[Guest Alexei]

Soooo...i'm biologically male, which i'm not terribly fond of...but i have plenty of feminine desires. I like to imagine myself with a petite frame, maybe in flats and a camisole, and definitley in a skirt. I love skirts ^^ the whole sheboogle started when 2 years ago, when i turned 12. They day the world ended...i don't remember exactly when, but i seem to remember lots of time pondering it in church. I started getting these urges...i wanted to present myself as female. I wanted to flirt with guys, i wanted to wear cute outfits, and the kicker was the reason why. I was sort of...excited by it. Y'know...in that way. To be frank, i'm not fond of that. The world around me treats sex like God, so to me anything that did that to me was something to stay away from. I hate guys who go after girls just because their crotches tell them to, and i didn't want to end up like that...so long story short i wasn't comfortable with the term crossdresser. But technically...i guess i am. Or want to be. I haven't actually done it, except for this one time when i was six and my sister made me put on a dress because she thought it was cute(it was, by the way). I really want to wear a skirt and look cute and wear raccoon eyes or cat eyes and actually look good doing it...but i don't think i can do that last part. To be ckear, it's not just superficial anymore. After the first year when i started to get my hormones under control(if you could call it that) i started to see the social appeal of it as well. It's like in that movie legally blonde(which i've seen too many times for my own good): girls, especially blondes, hold a lot of power over people. Not just men, pretty much anyone, if they look good enough. They have more freedom of expression...when a guy acts like a girl, suddenly he's gay. When a girl acts like a guy, she's just being a tomboy. When a guy acts guy-ey, he's a jerk, when a girl acts girly, she's cute. It can get a bit frustrating...not to mention that hourglass figure, oh, i want that soo bad! So there it is. Feminine desires. And little things i do, maybe put a little swish in my hips or sit in an especially feminine way, they make me feel better about the day. It's like, if i can let my body do what it wants, my mind becomes less burdened.

But i don't know if i could do that -every single day-. And if i tried to repress my masculine traits, much as i don't like them, they stack up and and come out, like a big nasty burp >_< so i need to find some kind of middle ground...girls have told me i'm a sweet guy, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love to see people in love. I'm concious about my weight and figure almost 24/7, and i even have a time of the month i'm less happy than others. But i do guy stuff, too. Not much that i can really think of at the moment...but i do. I long sincerely for the kind of kinship girls can have with each other. Most of my friends are girls, too. But i still need to express my masculine side, as i've said. So i think of myself as balanced. I think everyone has feminine and masculine traits in them, i just like expressing my feminine side more than most guys. So what am i? Am i just a sensitive, caring guy? Am i a girl in a guy's body? A femboy, an androgyne? I wish somebody had those answers, 'cause i sure don't...so now what i want is someone's opinion. Go ahead, be honest. What do you think i am?

[Guest 1up]

The best answer is your own. Try not to get caught up in labels for a while - relax and the answer may come to u. That's what i did. I thought i was a cross dresser, but was not happy under that label, so i just let everything go and went throuugh stages where i thoughf i was a gay cisgender and a tg (with no intentoon of surgery) to what is now a confident belief that i am transsexual - wanting surgery more than anything. My issue was my inhibitions. If ur anything like me, that may be helpful to u.

[Guest TheBlackSheep]

Soooo...i'm biologically male, which i'm not terribly fond of...but i have plenty of feminine desires. I like to imagine myself with a petite frame, maybe in flats and a camisole, and definitley in a skirt. I love skirts ^^ the whole sheboogle started when 2 years ago, when i turned 12. They day the world ended...i don't remember exactly when, but i seem to remember lots of time pondering it in church. I started getting these urges...i wanted to present myself as female. I wanted to flirt with guys, i wanted to wear cute outfits, and the kicker was the reason why. I was sort of...excited by it. Y'know...in that way. To be frank, i'm not fond of that. The world around me treats sex like God, so to me anything that did that to me was something to stay away from. I hate guys who go after girls just because their crotches tell them to, and i didn't want to end up like that...so long story short i wasn't comfortable with the term crossdresser. But technically...i guess i am. Or want to be. I haven't actually done it, except for this one time when i was six and my sister made me put on a dress because she thought it was cute(it was, by the way). I really want to wear a skirt and look cute and wear raccoon eyes or cat eyes and actually look good doing it...but i don't think i can do that last part. To be ckear, it's not just superficial anymore. After the first year when i started to get my hormones under control(if you could call it that) i started to see the social appeal of it as well. It's like in that movie legally blonde(which i've seen too many times for my own good): girls, especially blondes, hold a lot of power over people. Not just men, pretty much anyone, if they look good enough. They have more freedom of expression...when a guy acts like a girl, suddenly he's gay. When a girl acts like a guy, she's just being a tomboy. When a guy acts guy-ey, he's a jerk, when a girl acts girly, she's cute. It can get a bit frustrating...not to mention that hourglass figure, oh, i want that soo bad! So there it is. Feminine desires. And little things i do, maybe put a little swish in my hips or sit in an especially feminine way, they make me feel better about the day. It's like, if i can let my body do what it wants, my mind becomes less burdened.

But i don't know if i could do that -every single day-. And if i tried to repress my masculine traits, much as i don't like them, they stack up and and come out, like a big nasty burp >_< so i need to find some kind of middle ground...girls have told me i'm a sweet guy, which makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love to see people in love. I'm concious about my weight and figure almost 24/7, and i even have a time of the month i'm less happy than others. But i do guy stuff, too. Not much that i can really think of at the moment...but i do. I long sincerely for the kind of kinship girls can have with each other. Most of my friends are girls, too. But i still need to express my masculine side, as i've said. So i think of myself as balanced. I think everyone has feminine and masculine traits in them, i just like expressing my feminine side more than most guys. So what am i? Am i just a sensitive, caring guy? Am i a girl in a guy's body? A femboy, an androgyne? I wish somebody had those answers, 'cause i sure don't...so now what i want is someone's opinion. Go ahead, be honest. What do you think i am?

This is very close to how I feel and one of my reasons for joining this site. I too am unsure about what category I fit into and feel uncomfortable with the traditional boundaries of m/f/t. For me it feels more natural to imagine myself as a female, even though I do enjoy some conventional male activities and live my life purely as a male. It's weird. I also don't crossdress as it doesn't feel right to me. I think at the moment, it's purely a psychological thing and maybe a fantasy which is only in my head. I guess this could be autogynephilia if you wanted to attach a label to it?

So sorry I haven't got an answer for you but thought I would tell you that you are not alone in feeling this way.