What's It Like To Look Down, See And Have It Click In Your Mind That You Now Have A Vagina?

[Guest Orva26]

I like how this topic kept going even though I have been rather in active on here for several months. I am in a much different place now than when I started this topic but the sharing has proven invaluable and very moving. For a long time I have been kind of on the fence about SRS in terms of if I want it or not. It has been my personal finding that after being on HrT for about four months now and experiencing all the changes it brings I am comfortable with my body without surgery. I hang out with both in person and online people who are into body positivity as well (kind of the general idea of everyone feeling comfortable in their bodies). That has entered very much into my view. It is not that I can get by without surgery but rather that I've actually grown to appreciate my trans-body. Never know what the future holds though.

[Guest MissLeyla]

OMG I dream of looking and touching down there and everything being nice and normal lol. I have literally only just set things in motion to start my transition so its a fair way off for me . I hope to be post op in 3 years at the most.

All of these stories from you post op gals are so inspirational for me Thankyou you so much for sharing your amazingly courageous experiences xo, Leyla

[Guest Lani]

Reading tis topic just about destroyed me.

Lizzy

I'll get the superglue, we gotta put Lizzie back together!

Hehe!!

[Guest BreanneB]

Oh when that glories day will come to feel complete whole,,and look in the mirror and not see it staring back at you with that one eye. To be flat and not have to worry about crushing anything or tucking away. Its a ways off for me but that and BREAST are my ultimate goal in life. To look like a woman and not just feel like it. I get butterflies of excietment in my stomach just thinking about. And the clothes that come along with that. Hello thong panties, bikkini, shorter skirts were i dont have to worry about oops it feel out. The nice tight jeans that I already wear and no lump. AH what a day that will be. The pain I could care less about because its just physical pain. It will be nothing compared to the emotional pain suffered for years of the worng body. To sit and pee and not worry about splatter. Nice. To have sex as a woman a deffinet plus.

[KathrynJulia]

Oh Jane, 1973 I was 18, graduated High School, joined the Army and that fall was stationed at Ft Carson Colorado and didn't have a clue about SRS surgery or even that it could be done. I even visited Trinidad a couple times and Dr Bieber was a closely held secret back then. Or I would have sold everything I owned and would have been camped out on Dr Bieber's door step. Jane I'm in awe of the courage and what adversity you had to overcome. I don't condem your parents because that was the thinking back then. My dad would have shot me in the kneecaps to prevent me having SRS surgery back then in the early 1970's. The thinking back then was as backwards and primitive as it was in the 1960's. Alot of us on Kaura's understand the utter despair you were feeling back then, You had nothing left to loose. 1976 Was a very bad year for me. No hope, no one understood me or cared. I lost all my hope. Didn't want to even see tomorrow. No where to turn to back then. Then I got sick and told the doctor I was so depressed that I no longer wanted to live. He referred me to a psychiatrist. To be gay or transgendered was not a Klinger moment in the Army in 1976. You got kicked out of the Army. I didn't care what they did to me. Then I met the most wonderful, kindest doctor I had ever met in my life. He was my first doctor who gave a dang about me after he heard I was some flaky weird dude who believed he was a girl with a penis. And he saved my life. He cared! He actually cared. I'm amazed that you survived Jane to make it to Dr Bieber. I often wonder how many innocent girls died on the alter of ignorance back then. I should not be here typing this post. So many died, lonely, living dismal lives until the end where they stopped the pain. That's why I embrace life today and hold so much hope for the younger members on this website. Never give up. Live long and happy. You are beautiful and you are more precious than gold.

Peace Katheryn

[VickySGV]

It took a while to get there, because for a number of post op months, there was swelling and discoloration, and yes, the pain as well, not to mention the remnants of a beer belly that the surgery had NOT fixed with its stretch marks and all. One day though as I got out of my shower, I casually saw my full front, and with a little sad smile that brightened, saw it was MY body there, once and for all!!

[Guest Jenny_W]

I have arrived home after a 10 day stay in hospital following my GRS. It's a great feeling to stand in front of a mirror and see thigh gap for the first time in my life. My underwear fits right and it just seems like it's always been this way.

I will never tire of looking down a seeing my mons pubis (mound) and knowing this will be this way for the rest of my life.

Jen

[Charlize]

Congratulations Jen!!!!!!! I hope you heal well and quickly.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest]

I have arrived home after a 10 day stay in hospital following my GRS. It's a great feeling to stand in front of a mirror and see thigh gap for the first time in my life. My underwear fits right and it just seems like it's always been this way.

I will never tire of looking down a seeing my mons pubis (mound) and knowing this will be this way for the rest of my life.

Jen

Sigh...sounds so great yet so simple...some day.

[Guest Tamar]

Congratulations Jenny.

[VickySGV]

Welcome to "The Other Side" Jenny. It is so great to simply feel right for the first time in your life. Not all Trans* people can have or will have surgery, and still they will be complete in their lives, but for us it does bring closure to a life time of doubt and pain.

[Guest LizMarie]

Congratulations, Jen!

[KathrynJulia]

Congratulations Jen:

Know exactly how you are feeling. That long journey is over and you get to come home and enjoy your whole new life. Pretty good life too I might add. Kathy

[Guest Jamie61]

Congrats again! I'm very happy for you. I hope you have a speedy recovery!

Jamie

[Guest VickiD]

It is the most wonderful feeling to look down or in the mirror and not see something that has been the cause of so much pain over the last 50+ yrs, and to know that however many yrs I have left it will always be right finally, is the most wonderful feeling. I finally feel I am how I always was, but could not show. So many things have changed after the surgery. Such simple things as crossing my legs without stuff in the way, and being comfortable. How the water runs off of the area in the shower. Some things I am still discovering. But feeling right finally is so wonderful.

Vicki

[KathrynJulia]

Oh Jane, 1973 I was 18, graduated High School, joined the Army and that fall was stationed at Ft Carson Colorado and didn't have a clue about SRS surgery or even that it could be done. I even visited Trinidad a couple times and Dr Bieber was a closely held secret back then. Or I would have sold everything I owned and would have been camped out on Dr Bieber's door step. Jane I'm in awe of the courage and what adversity you had to overcome. I don't condem your parents because that was the thinking back then. My dad would have shot me in the kneecaps to prevent me having SRS surgery back then in the early 1970's. The thinking back then was as backwards and primitive as it was in the 1960's. Alot of us on Kaura's understand the utter despair you were feeling back then, You had nothing left to loose. 1976 Was a very bad year for me. No hope, no one understood me or cared. I lost all my hope. Didn't want to even see tomorrow. No where to turn to back then. Then I got sick and told the doctor I was so depressed that I no longer wanted to live. He referred me to a psychiatrist. To be gay or transgendered was not a Klinger moment in the Army in 1976. You got kicked out of the Army. I didn't care what they did to me. Then I met the most wonderful, kindest doctor I had ever met in my life. He was my first doctor who gave a dang about me after he heard I was some flaky weird dude who believed he was a girl with a penis. And he saved my life. He cared! He actually cared. I'm amazed that you survived Jane to make it to Dr Bieber. I often wonder how many innocent girls died on the alter of ignorance back then. I should not be here typing this post. So many died, lonely, living dismal lives until the end where they stopped the pain. That's why I embrace life today and hold so much hope for the younger members on this website. Never give up. Live long and happy. You are beautiful and you are more precious than gold.

Peace Katheryn

Four and a half months ago, September 6th 2014, I was filled with a lot of emotions as I was being wheeled into the Operating room, knowing that in a few hours, it was going to be over. All the years of anguish, crying into a pillow, hundreds of prayers to God to perform a miracle. The ridicule I received from the nuns at the Catholic School believing one of them that what I prayed for was between her and myself. She lied to me.

They strapped me down to the operating table. I was all alone in Bangkok Thailand,my lifelong desperation drove me to go it alone. Non-transgender people don't understand Dysphoria and most don't even care about the suffering we go through. We have so called loving Christians, despise us out of hand driving children to take their own lives by stepping in front of a semi and hoping their life will not be lost in vain.

I woke up in recovery thinking it's over its really over. It's gone. You do check, but you are so packed with gauze and tape between your legs that if not for the ache between your legs, it is the only sign you have at that point that you are really different now down there.

You have to wait about 5 days for the tape and packing to be removed and the catheter to be removed. Then comes the proof. The nurse hands you a mirror for that first look. You are still black and blue but it looked beautiful to me.

I'm used to Breasts and having a vagina now. It feels normal putting on a bra everyday. You just grow accustomed to being a woman. Yesterday I was visiting a good friend in the hospital and had a nurse ask me if I was his wife. No, I'm just a good friend of his who has loved and cared for him like a wife would. I've been both mother and father and raised my two kids. My heart and soul is that of a woman. I'm very complete now following GRS.

So what does it feel like looking down and seeing that it's gone. I was too busy crying to remember. Their were tears of pain, joy, happiness, and finally I had hope for my future. I now had a future. Kathryn

[Guest LizMarie]

Good for you, Kathryn. Much of what we do in pursuit of ourselves is driven by emotion, desire, instinct. The rational part of this discussion is interesting, in an abstract way, but I could never base my choices off the abstract. It's the anguish in my heart, the pain in my life, that led me to transition, and despite all the losses thus far, I am happier today than I have ever been in my life. But still there is that remaining thing "down there" that burdens me, that makes me uncomfortable with myself every time I step out of the shower and look in the mirror. And this year, I'll deal with that issue too. I look forward to looking down there and seeing "it" gone. My cis girlfriends laugh with me about it and have my back every step of the way. Sometime later this year, I'll add my own thoughts to this thread.

[Guest DianeATL]

I am 3+ months post op and the feeling is so natural for me. The other stuff was just frankly in my way.

At first there was swelling in the pubic bone region so I didn't look right, too puffy but now that things have settled in and healed, I marvel at my vagina. As you said in your opening post, the little things like snug panties, a swimsuit without a skirt, running tights, and other fashion items were much more important than the thought of sex. I sometimes lay in bed at night and I just have to put my hand on it and cup it (in a totally non sexual way) just to feel the profile.

I was happy with most things before surgery but now I am happy with my body. Surgery won't fix big issues but it does let me wear what I want and go to the restroom without fear of being accosted.

[Guest]

I am 3+ months post op and the feeling is so natural for me. The other stuff was just frankly in my way.

At first there was swelling in the pubic bone region so I didn't look right, too puffy but now that things have settled in and healed, I marvel at my vagina. As you said in your opening post, the little things like snug panties, a swimsuit without a skirt, running tights, and other fashion items were much more important than the thought of sex. I sometimes lay in bed at night and I just have to put my hand on it and cup it (in a totally non sexual way) just to feel the profile.

I was happy with most things before surgery but now I am happy with my body. Surgery won't fix big issues but it does let me wear what I want and go to the restroom without fear of being accosted. [/quote

I try that too but there is a brief time limit before I am monkeying with my buttons. Giggle. My surgeon gave what I asked for and more. Oh the fashion freedom. I had to subtle back from wanting to show ever how "groovy" I am. No one asks me any more: "How's that working out for you?" Because they can see it's working in! Best fifteen thousand dollars I ever spent!!! Hug and enjoy Ladies! JodyAnn

[Guest KerryUK]

I sometimes lay in bed at night and I just have to put my hand on it and cup it (in a totally non sexual way) just to feel the profile.

Me too Diane - I'm at 13 months post-op and I still do exactly the same. It's how I was meant to be after-all.

[Guest]

I would define the feeling as "utterly normal"

I talked to a friend who had the surgery too and we kind of agreed that after having it we realize nothing was gained really. We just end up with what we should have had all along. It's more like we had an extra thing to deal with before the surgery.

I lost a certain quantity of dysphoria

I lost disconfort and shame

and I feel normal, for once

[tracy_j]

I will put over another view.

I am a bit scared about this and really afraid if upsetting anyone as I have not had surgery. Do not judge too harshly as I realise how much this means to many, but there are others who may feel the same. I know many of my opinions differ from many but I will forward my opinion as we are all here to help.

Mentally I often feel that I have a vagina rather than male anatomy. I often don't feel my male male anatomy. Mentally it is just blanked out. Physically it is just pushed aside. You would be amazed at how far it can go.

I won't say anymore as I can feel how it would hurt some to be really open with my feelings, but to those who are contemplating things - just think about the power of the mind. Another approach and maybe a faulty one? but I am happy and can feel really me.

The visual bit is never 100% for any woman.

I just apologise to anyone who is offended as I just know

Tracy

[MarcieMarie12]

Tracy, I think that gets back to how different dysphoria is for all of us. Some people are ok with it and don't have issues with their part down there. Some are only slightly bothered by it, but not enough to go through major surgery over it. Transitions from one transperson to the next is always different in some way, and think hte first difference is the severity and triggers for ones dysphoria. 

[DenimAndLace]

I remember the loneliness I felt when I thought I was, "the only one".  And later, even when I knew there were others, I remember the fear of rejection that filled my head.  Then, the comfort I finally felt when I started going to support groups and later still when I realized that even though I have something in common with these folks, we are not the same.  At last, someone rubbed me entirely the wrong way with with their strong opinions about my choices and that was the point I began to understand the vast diversity that is present in all life.  There was a time in my life when I might have been upset that someone thought I was doing the "wrong" thing (such as having or not having a surgery) but now, I understand that we all come to different conclusions and that's a really cool thing.  Some can manage without surgery, others long for and are able to alter their anatomy.  Some are Muslim, some atheist, some capitalist and some socialist, some are assigned male but transitioning and some assigned female but transitioning.  What's really beautiful though is when we can have different opinions and still get a long just fine, find middle ground or even a third option neither of us saw at first.  Diversity and differing opinions don't scare me like they used to.  No need to worry about offending me ...unless you're malicious; in which case my inner T-Rex might make an appearance.