Virginity

[Guest Jon aka Rachel]

I am just curious did any of you have your feelings change when you lost your original gender virginity.

Because I have never had sex so I fear that my feeling may change if I ever do.

Feeling like at some point I would at least start a transition and continue it to a point if a GT approved. Also since just opening the flood gate of feminine emotions my sexual thoughts have cut drastically.

I not entirely sure why I have this fear perhaps because I like what I have been feeling since I let my fears of what I am go.

But any imput would be great.

Thanks

Rachel

[Guest tiffany_marie]

I don't mention this to many people, but I haven't.

I never really felt comfortable having sex for the sake of having sex, there always had to be a bond and love for me. I have only actually been in love once in my life, with the girl I dated in Jr. High High and my first year of High School.

We came close a few times, but never actually went all the way. Never had that bond with anyone since then, thus no desire for sex on my part.

I used to think my virginity made me a loser, especially at my current age of 31. Anymore I choose to relate it more to the trans thing..... I simply never saw sex like the average 'guy' who's it's said will sleep with just about anything.

I'm interested in replies to this topic myself, thanks for posting.

[Sally]

I have to say that I hope it was just my gender dysphoria that has had me remain a virgin even through a little over 5 years of marriage - that and the lack of any kind of loving bond.

My attitude toward sex is that it is not the only reason to live - fortunately for me or I would not still be here at the age of 59 with no real reason or hope for transitioning.

There is way too much fixation on sex in my opinion, fewer problems world wide but then I am one in about a million or so, hard to tell because nowadays being a virgin is looked on with much more disrespect than being a prostitute so very few will admit to this unforgivable sin.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest LittleKaitlyn]

No, my feelings didn't change upon losing my virginity in my original gender, in fact it made my feelings of dyphoria worse. I don't see the big deal on sex to be honest.

There has to be a loving bond, otherwise it just feels pointless and silly, and it's a horrible reminder that my body is male!

Hugs

Kaitlyn xx

[Guest Jon aka Rachel]

Tiffany I feel the same way about sex I need there to be something more. I also had the same boat in high school as well but we never even got to date, do to what I think was a long list. Ironically we are best friends now and she told me last night she would be there for me no matter what. I actually started to cry .

Sally I whole handedly agree with you about everything. I am not fixated on sex but It was something on my mind a lot till recently.

Kaitlyn thank you for the warning I will defiantly be more cautious if I ever do find a S/O that wants to go that far but I Imagine if I tell them they would run way and I do agree with your point as well.

Thanks

Rachel

[Guest Deandra]

I'm so glad somebody else feels this way. Sex always reappeared in my mind every now and then. I think if i have sex then these feelings i've been having will go away and turn me into a deviant. I even thought about getting an escort, but there are people who would look down on that. I guess for now, i'll just wait.

Deandra

[Guest ChloëC]

I didn't have intimate relations with someone of the opposite gender until real late (culturally speaking). I suspect there were at least 2 girls I dated who would have done it (they certainly gave me a lot of signals but in my naiveté, I wasn't a very good signal reader), but I just didn't feel ready, and I think some (most?) of that was my tg kicking in. I was trying real hard from about 18-22 to be all male, remove all this odd stuff from my head. Didn't work of course. But by the time I did 'lose my virginity', I was making peace with myself, and it didn't change a thing.

And I'm going to be honest here, it's enjoyable, I mean the emotional release you derive from it. (married a total of 39 years and lots of moments, and only 2, yes, bad ones) I sort of wish at times, I had seriously looked at transitioning to see if it was even better from the other side (uh huh, I know, lots of the other gender pooh-pooh the whole thing, but I'm thinking if intimacy isn't a complete two way street, somebody is cheating the other), but I suspect with the right attitude, the right lead up, the right partner (yes, that's an awful lot 'rights' which is probably why it's often a little wrong for a lot of people), things can really be as good as advertised.

Just my thoughts

Hugz

Chloë

[Guest chngnwnd]

I am a very sexual person - so I guess that makes me the odd girl out. However, I just thought I would chime in and say that it has no impact on my gender identity. Since my gender preference is that my partner have a gender, I have had a wide variety of experiences. They were all enjoyable. What I have found is that I do not have it in me to take any kind of a masculine role in sex - and when I was married and had to, that sex was less than satisfying.

hugs

Bobbi

[Guest Risu]

I too feel that intimacy without an emotional bond is pointless and unsatisfying. Life is about a lot more than sex and I am in control of most of my desires and I refuse to let them control me...

However I did have a girlfriend in highschool and even though I wasn't especially attracted to her we started dating. I was in that self denial phase, trying to prove everyone who called me gay wrong and so I ran with the situation. We did sleep together... many, many, many times heh... and I did enjoy it, but in a way yes it did make my gender dysphoria worse and there have been times I regretted it.

The reason it made things worse was back in a time when I was in that "all or nothing" mindset. I started my transition and I wanted to be all woman asap and I regretted it then because it was a terrible reminder that I had lived most of my life as a man. If I had had a better therapist however he would have talked with me about this and helped me learn that... as much as I disliked my time living as a male that I shouldn't run from it. So many photos that cannot be replaced are lost now, old schools papers and the like that can never be replaced. Now I regret throwing away my past more so than ever losing my virginity but that is a different topic.

For me, my transition is not about my genitals. Its about how I am percieved and how I feel. I will have FFS long before if ever SRS. The most important thing I think you can do for yourself is embrace yourself for who you are and who you are not. There must be some good memories mixed in with all the bad and all the uncomfortable times. I loved my gf then and I still love her now and because we were in love I don't feel bad about it anymore. Being a man or being a woman is about a lot more than what is between your legs. It is because that is what society uses to lable people that we are in this boat. So if you can bring yourself to accept what you were given, there is nothing wrong with enjoying it. It doesn't make you any less of a woman and how many people get to experience these pleasures from both sides of the gender spectrum?

[Guest SuperKali]

When I had sex for the first few times, it wasn't that big of a deal. It slowly started to depress me, though. Eventually I went to a doctor and explained this all to him and his response was to prescribe testosterone. x_x

He told me it would fix me right up, and that it would make me a real man. I still harbor anger at that doctor for not telling me there was another way. I was only 16, and I was confused. He just made it worse.

So to answer your question: No. My feelings didn't change. They got worse.

[Guest Jon aka Rachel]

Thanks for all your input it has help laid some of my fears to rest but raised a few more less minor one.

Rachel

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Late reply here - dang.

What if I explain it this way, how I felt about it? My sexual experiences in th physical body of a male was based upon pleasing my female partner. The release I achieved was unexpectedly spectacular and that made it easier to seek her out again and please her even more (I was a virgin when I first married). So it became an experience of both pleasing her and becoming her.

Always has been that way. I don't think I could have 'slam bam, thank you ma'am' sex ever. Well couldn't before. My days of male sex are long gone now, grin, so it doesn't matter.

Making love with a woman I truly loved and wanted to be - never changed one thing about my gender dysphoria.

Lizzy

[Guest Jon aka Rachel]

Lizzy thank you that was put excellently

Rachel