Self-Improvement

[Guest NatashaJade]

We will discover the nature of our particular genius when we stop trying to conform to our own or to other peoples' models, learn to be ourselves, and allow our natural channel to open. - Shakti Gawain

Lately I feel a little unfocused. Rather than working towards certain goals, I'm just kind of floating toward dates and events. I have a week of vacation coming next week and I'm really living there at the moment rather than living in the now and getting things done. I'm very much procrastinating on a number of important things. I just don't feel motivated to do anything.

But this isn't precisely a new issue. While I get things done, and I always seem to get things done, I never get them done in the most efficient way possible. I blame my 6th grade teacher for this (we're supposed to blame teachers for our failings, correct?) because she taught me that I could be successful just by being smart and that I didn't have to do any work.

Okay, so that's not her fault. I accept responsibility for my failings because I understand what they are and I still have them. Occasionally I get motivated to fix some aspect of myself and I usually fix that issue. The problem is that I have so many darned issues that I will definitely need at least another couple of centuries to get myself all straightened out.

I'm really hoping to stay ahead of the curve on life extension technology. Science is not moving fast enough for me, though. Science needs to get with the program. How am I supposed to transcend mortality and have the time to work on myself at a leisurely pace if they won't do their part? Once again, science fiction has let me down.

One of my problems has always been not keeping birthday resolutions and so when the next birthday would roll around, I'd feel really crappy because I didn't do all I set out to do by that birthday. But strangely, I did most of my "by 40" list and in this last year, I've done much of what I set out to do so that when I turn 41 in a couple of weeks, I will not dread the date as a reminder of my failings. I did finish my novel this year after all. A big deal on my "Things to do" list. Of course, I do have to get the next one going...

But I do find myself at this year renewal asking myself to change this key element of myself this year. I wish to no longer put things off and get to them in the now instead of the future. This is a big challenge because the great god, Procrastinator, has had its tenterhooks in me for almost three decades and while I have often worshiped at its feet and given it great gifts of my time and energy, I wish to find a new god. But gods get angry and spiteful when you want to go and worship someone else (just ask those crazy Hebrews who, after being freed from the Egyptians in a most visible way, decided that the best course of action when faced with adversity would be to change gods...bad move, ancient Hebrews). And I fear Procrastinator will be quite cross with me and punish me...but not right now. Now its going to go and take a nap and think about the punishment for a while. It'll get back to me, though. It wants to know if there's a deadline...

It is a problem, though. It's like I'm a psychic hoarder. If I don't have things to do, perhaps I wont have things to do, and then I'll have nothing to do. And then what? I won't even be able to look forward to finishing things. That would be unfortunate. I'm not really sure how one effects a massive character shift.

But, wait. I'm doing this thing, this massive shift in who I am...what is it again? I keep forgetting.

Actually, I'm not changing who I am...but why can't I attach some riders to my transition? Can I say that the male existence I have been forced to live with has always put the brakes on getting things done and, once divested of it, I can have the freedom to accomplish goals in a timely and efficient manner? Can I say that and actually have it mean something real?

I need to no longer give myself permission not to get things done when they should. I have tried to do this a number of times and failed each and every time. But I am becoming a newer, improved version of myself, a self without the encumbrance of a sometimes crippling condition. As such, free from the constrictive grasp of the male persona, can I be a woman who gets things done? (my father-in-law would suddenly have reason to be super-happy about my new life...oh, funny thing - I was wearing a camisole the other day while making cookies and he came in with my kids and rather than make a snarky comment about my breasts, he made one about my tattoos...acceptance!)

So my promise to myself for the year of 41 is that by 42, I will have solved this problem of not addressing problems in the now...of making a list of Things to Do and then doing them. I will make this my new reality.

And I have 54 weeks to do it! Sweet...

xoxo

Tasha

[JJ]

Now you've gone and done it-made me feel guilty for putting things off all the time and I don't even set birthday goals!

Seriously-my problem with putting things off is that I set big vague goals. When I sit down and say I will get this specific thing done and make a list of when and how to do it then I usually succeed. When I say something like I really need to get this house whipped into shape this week or I need to clean this room today I can safely bet it isn't going to happen. Just the way it works for me.

Personally right now things are changing so quickly I have no desire to tackle any self improvement-just to cope with what's happening

But i do enjoy reading about your thoughts and look forward to seeing how that switch from the god of Procrastination to the god of Achievement goes.

Hugs

John

[Carolyn Marie]

Dear Tasha, I'm afraid I can't help you with your desire for a longer life. Perhaps you'll find some clues in Robert Heinlein's book "Methuselah's Children," and his protagonist Lazarus Long, who lived for around 200 years.

I wish you well on your desire to change to a more proactive and determined way of living. It's a struggle for most of us, especially when it comes to difficult or unpleasant decisions. I've got a few of those pending in my "to do" list.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Emily Ray]

Tasha, I used to make New Years resolutions like you make on your birthday and I would spend the last few weeks of the year evaluating how little I actually acomplished that year. It was way depressing. But, this year I had none of that. I had succesfully accomplished my dream in a year. I went from living as a man to living as a woman. I worked so hard and so diligently at accomplishing that goal I am taking the this year off of goal making so I can enjoy what I accomplished! You have made such great strides over the last year that maybe you need some simple goals rather than changing you character! Heck you just finished changing your gender! Enjoy your newfound womanhood before you start taking her apart to fix her. Get to know her a little bit before diagnosing her with such a serious character defect. Worship at the god of Enjoyment I hear that she and Procrastination are dating. He might not get so mad at you for leaving.

Huggs

Emily