The True Secret To Passing 100% Of The Time

[Sally]

As many of you know I have been pretty much of a busybody here on the Forums for over two and a half years, it seems that there is nothing that I do not have some sort of opinion on - well that is true, I am always thinking so I am always having opinions - I have voiced many of them here, not all are popular or widely accepted but that is the nature of opinions.

I have watched and read as so many people have basically talked themselves out of coming out or going out as their true gender for fear of not passing.

I am sitting between two of them right now, my roommates - each delayed their transition as I did for fear of never passing for numerous reasons - for the purposes of this limited space I will not mention any specifics, that is up to them but each were totally wrong about what features were not a problem at all.

I am well over 6 feet tall, I am still around 300 pounds and my voice is something that my roommates tell me that I nee to work on but no one seems to care - it is low but I am a large woman approaching 60, I talk like Lauren Bacall, Lauren Hutton, Kathleen Turner, Bea Arthur and Marlena Dietrich - all natal females so why study and practice on my voice - I am me and that is good enough, what I always wanted to be - just me.

As far as mannerisms and movements - look around men and women are moving towards a center point - as women become more and more a part of the mainstream work force and active in sports a lot of the 'female' mannerisms are being lost and men are no longer so afraid of appearing feminine - thank the hard work by the gay community.

What is my point?

Be yourself - do not act, do not pretend, do not try - just DO!

I have spent a lifetime acting like someone that I was not I am not spending the rest of my life pretending to be someone else - I pass well enough it seems so why 'work' on being me - that is who I am.

I know that some of you are certain that you could not pass for one reason or another so you will not believe me - all you need to do is no longer try just let go of your act and you will be not only passable but happier!

Living as myself, too tall, to heavy, bad voice and all and happy in New Orleans!

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

Excellent advise Sally! It is so true that it makes no sense to exchange one box for another one. That passing is from within and not without

I may not be the kind of man most people are used to around here but I am the kind of man that I am. That is all I seek. To be myself.

One of my biggest challenges is catching myself doing something that isn't really me because I have so many decades of habit and learned behavior that was and is against the grain. But I just remember that I am myself in the world now and no longer and observer along for the ride and then things flow naturally.

I am very happy for you -living as you were meant and accepting yourself as you are.

Love

Johnny

[Guest Jon aka Rachel]

Sally words of great inspiration , I have not even been able to see a GT yet but just knowing who I am and embracing it has helped. I have reservations about passing like the fact that I wont fit through a standard door with heels on haha I also have them about coming out to my family and the small town I live in worries me.

but its still never going to be enough to stop me because the last two week of knowing me have been the greatest too weeks of my life and even the daunting future has yet to bring me down. I know I have to over come my fear of dressing in public when I don't pass as well as everything else but for now I am not worried because some day I will just do it.

Thanks for the words of inspiration.

Rachel

[Guest Risu]

Thank you Sally. Very inspiring and empowering. You know... back during my orignal transition I felt like the ugliest most unpassable woman in the world and when I could no longer afford to I gave up my transition... Last night and another time here recently I was looking at pictures I took during that time in my life and I saw a woman... maybe not the perfectly ideal woman I had set out to be but I saw a woman with a lot of potential... Its been 5 years since then and I hope my body hasn't changed that much but even if it has I can't give up my identity anymore. I am ready to be me... Imperfect is the new perfect.

[Guest Linus Thomas]

I do agree. As a short, rotund (somewhat apple-shaped) guy who can see his "moobs" in every shot, no one else seems to have issue. I travel all over and have yet to not pass. When we are confident as to the person we are, our gender comes through.

[Sally]

I am ready to be me... Imperfect is the new perfect.

Well said!

The problem that almost all MTFs have is that we have longed to be women for so long that we do not see women for what they truly are - people!

We have the shining image of a goddess in our minds and that is unattainable for so many of us as well as for so many natal women.

We are all people now so we are ready - we are all different as men, we will all be different as women but that is OK because all women are different.

Fitting in is easier when you are not working so hard and just relax.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest N.Chaos]

Made me think of this.

Day has been made reading this.

[Guest JaniceW]

Thank you Sally for speaking such true words. I, like you, am unwilling to trade the rule book I was handed at birth for a new one. I am tired of living by a rule book that doesn't agree with who I really am and I will not start now living by a different rule book that is not who I really am. I am going to be me and only me.

When I think about it, it really isn't possible to NOT pass as me. I will probably never look the way I would like, but then I haven't yet met the person, of any gender, that looks exactly the way they would like.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Fitting in is easier when you are not working so hard and just relax.

Love ya,

Sally

I was very aware of myself at first and was cautious of every movement I made.....,

Now, I just go with the flow and be myself....all else follows..

Donna Jean

[Guest MonikaC]

With having my first real experience as Monika the past few days, I am super aware of every movement I make, every thing I say and how I say it, of every little nuance of being me. That doesn't mean that I am trying to change who I am. Rather I marvel at how great it feels to be me. The movements I make are natural, the same with how I talk. The difference is now I have to stop trying to be a guy and just let myself be me!

[Sally]

With having my first real experience as Monika the past few days, I am super aware of every movement I make, every thing I say and how I say it, of every little nuance of being me. That doesn't mean that I am trying to change who I am. Rather I marvel at how great it feels to be me. The movements I make are natural, the same with how I talk. The difference is now I have to stop trying to be a guy and just let myself be me!

You Got IT!

That is all there is to it - let go of the act and be yourself!

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest DésiréeG]

The thing with passing is: it's about other people. It isn't about you. Being concerned about "passing" means you are being concerned about what other people thing of you. If you are going to live your life being concerned about what other people think, you might as well never leave the house, because other people will always be thinking something about you.

I had a motto for myself early on in my transition. I had stopped at the grocery store on my way home from work. I was dressed in professional business attire - what I called my Ally McBeal suit (10 years ago, I had the legs to pull it off ::sigh:. As I headed to the dairy section in the back of the store, these 2 20-something guys saw me and just watched as I walked down the isle. Not an admiring "look at the hot chick" watching, but a "look at the freak" kinda look. I looked at them and thought to myself (but didn't say out loud although I wanted to) "[screw] you, I need milk." And that became my motto. Every time I got a look, or a comment or anything. [blank] you. I need milk. It means that my life goes on. All the stupid daily little things that need to get done, like shopping for milk, I still need to do regardless of what anyone else things of me or my appearance.

So, don't limit your life based on what other people might think. Don't worry about "passing." Concern yourself with being you. As long as those other people aren't getting violent with you, what they think isn't worth a gallon a milk.

[Guest Donna Jean]

So, don't limit your life based on what other people might think. Don't worry about "passing." Concern yourself with being you. As long as those other people aren't getting violent with you, what they think isn't worth a gallon a milk.

Very good , Desiree'.....

"...worth a gallon of milk".....lol....nicely put!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Sally:

Honey, THANK YOU!!!

Like, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. The very things you mention here are REALLY why I've not gone fulltime yet.

Girl, I'm worried about "the lower elements" tormenting and attacking me, and I'm too old to fight and hate to fight ... even though I know how thanks to the U.S. Marine Corps.

I'm just yearning, yearning, yearning to GO FULLTIME and just BE MYSELF!!!

Sally, megahugs, honey!

MADE MY DAY!!!

Lacey Lynne

[Guest MonikaC]

Lacey... get off your butt and do it then! There is no time like right now to make your dreams come true! Besides, I'm not sure how you can still pull off anything other than female! You look good!

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

Reading post after post about do I pass, or what do I need to pass. Really brings back many memory's about being so worried about it in the past.So many seem to think its all about the outside looks and while yes it does help I truly believe its way more about how you present yourself. If you are worried a lot about if you will get clocked chances are you will mainly cause you will look very very nervous and that in itself will draw attention to you. Confidence in who you are inside will go along way in passing as your target gender. When I first started down this wild adventure of being true to myself I had all these worries as many of you still do. The major turn around came the day I just said hell with it and stopped worrying about what other thought. Now I am to a point were even if I am dressed all tomboy like (ball cap t-shirt jeans) I am still mam'ed 95 % of the time. While yes some of it has to do with what hrt did for me but truly I believe its cause I just learned to calm down relax and be myself.

[Guest Chiv]

Sally,

Made me think of one of my favorite lines from Miracle on 34th Street. "I believe... I believe... it's silly but I believe"

Thanks,

John

[Guest Besomyka]

I do think there's a lot of truth in the title post. I was in the grocery earlier today and I started out a little self conscious -- I was dressed in work clothes (jeans and a TMBG T-Shirt, pretty casual workplace), but in the car I was singing along to Regina Spektor and decided I'd keep my hair down and practice a more feminine voice since I had been using that higher register in the car. Try to reinforce the habit, you know?

Started out a little self conscious, since I talk to myself a lot when shopping: "Where are the loose carrots?", "No, no raspberry. Ah! Blueberry!" That sort of thing. At first I was pretty self conscious, but by the time I was headed to check out I wasn't even thinking about it anymore.

The nice lady directing traffic at the checkout called me ma'am. I must have looked like a deer in headlights! It did make my day, though. I mean, I've been mistaken for a woman when my hair is down before, but only from behind. That's the first time someone looked directly at me and made that 'mistake'. Not even dressed feminine. Andro, maybe, by today's standards. And it's Austin, so people's clothes are all over the board. But still.

The only time is when I stopped bothering to worry and wasn't saying anything at all anyway. So, yeah. I think there's something to the combination of just being yourself and the changing expectations of our society. There's just a wider range of people visible out there that it probably does make it easier for us.

[Guest miss kindheart]

I think the title says it all

Great advice Sally

<<< hug >>>

vanna