Question!

[Guest Orva26]

What's it like to have the constant knowledge that every second you are biochemically approaching your goal?

All my questions will probably shift towards this type. I'm finding that I have more interest in learning of the emotive aspects of things now.

Don't think I'm risking breaking Lizzy with this one.

<3

Orva

[Guest JaniceW]

What's it like to have the constant knowledge that every second you are biochemically approaching your goal?

Very interesting question. For me, it is a sense of no-stress. By that I mean I am not euphoric but there is a sense of peace that the proverbial train has left the station and I don't have to worry about when and if it will ever leave. On the other hand the focus of my inner turmoil has shifted to the more practical issues of transition like planning a schedule around the HRT effects that works with the people around me that are affected.

[Guest Emily Ray]

In all honesty after a year of taking medication everyday I am sick and tired of it. The pills I mean. I have to take a large number of the spiro pills because of the size given to me by the VA. I almost gag on them. On the other hand I love knowing that my body has the estrogen of a teenage girl coursing through it. I can't wait till the day comes to pass that I won't have to take the spiro. Than I will have reached the dreamland.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

It's good to know but it's not constant. Every once-in-a-while I forget it, doubt it, or think it won't be enough. But otherwise, yeah, it's great.

For me, I'm happier knowing I'm not progressing in the other direction. The positive changes are more like bonuses.

[Guest Emily Ray]

Janice brings up a great point! I can remember the same stress over those decisions of when to tell and who to tell and now that is gone the early peace has returned.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest chngnwnd]

For me, I have never felt as calm as I do on hormones in those quiet moments that you take for yourself. It's nice to have no underllying agitation when settling your mind for the day.

The mood swings are nice too because they have motivated my children to do more around the house in hopes of avoiding a bad one.

However, spiro totally blows because I have to pee all the freaking time now.

hugs

Bobbi

[Guest Orva26]

I pretty much figured these would be the answers I get.

Thanks!

Also:

However, spiro totally blows because I have to pee all the freaking time now.

I see this ALL the time. Just how frequently is it? Every hour, every half hour, or is it that awful feeling of needing to pee bad but having it constantly? Really hoping it isn't the last one, I don't like that feeling at all.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

How does it feel?

Peaceful

Right

Natural

Spiro makes me get up at least once at night. Women pee all the time anyway, in the natural scheme of things, so the daytime is no big deal.

Lizzy

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

In all honesty after a year of taking medication everyday I am sick and tired of it. The pills I mean. I have to take a large number of the spiro pills because of the size given to me by the VA. I almost gag on them. On the other hand I love knowing that my body has the estrogen of a teenage girl coursing through it. I can't wait till the day comes to pass that I won't have to take the spiro. Than I will have reached the dreamland.

Huggs

Emily

Gotta agree with Emily as above. While I love taking the estradiol, the spironolactone is a drag. Its effects are a bummer. Spironolactone gives me a rough time.

Regarding your question, I'm both happy and sad with the knowledge of microcellularly advancing toward womanhood. Happy because it makes me jubilant and euphoric. Right here and now, I'll plainly admit that I'm not the more usual T-girl. I'm a maverick and make no apologies. Like me or leave me. Most people will leave. I wish them well. The whole point of this journey we're on is to be ourselves. HRT is helping me do exactly that. That's the happy part.

The sad part? Well, with transition, I'm exchanging one set of problems for another. Am I really going to be any better of in the long run? In some ways, yes. In many ways, no. At this point, I'm in a quandry. I've gone too far to turn back, but I don't want to turn back anyway. However, seeing this transition through will put me in a world of hurt possibly worse than the one I'm already in.

Sorry, folks. Gotta tell the truth. In a nutshell, it's almost NOT worth it. Why not? Well, I'm older ... have few friends ... have little money ... have little support ... will live alone ... will be despised by the larger society. Yada, yada, yada. You know the rest.

Not having a lot of money is my own fault. When I was young, I left college because I could not stand what it was preparing me for: The Greed Grab. That's off-topic, so I'm leave it at that in this thread. Many others on here found a solution. A great example is our beloved moderators in New Orleans. They're awesome, but they're also luck. They found each other and made it work to their mutual benefit.

Me? I'll be the lone wolf transwoman with nobody and nothing. The for-now wife? She's using me ... always has ... and would leave in a flash if she got an inheritance or something. I have no delusions. Meet somebody else? Realistically, probably not.

Orva, people like you who have good educations, good incomes and good careers CAN transition, CAN do it right and CAN benefit from it.! Don't let my sad-sack example dissuade you in any way. For me, the circumstances are against me. For, YOU, the circumstances are WITH you. Were I in your circumstances, I'd go for the gusto, transition in earnest and enjoy my life.

Yes, in your circumstances, I'd be THRILLED about biochemically morphing merrily along the way toward womanhood. Hope this helps. It should.

Peace & Success to You Lacey Lynne

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Gotta agree with Emily as above. While I love taking the estradiol, the spironolactone is a drag. Its effects are a bummer. Spironolactone gives me a rough time.

Regarding your question, I'm both happy and sad with the knowledge of microcellularly advancing toward womanhood. Happy because it makes me jubilant and euphoric. Right here and now, I'll plainly admit that I'm not the more usual T-girl. I'm a maverick and make no apologies. Like me or leave me. Most people will leave. I wish them well. The whole point of this journey we're on is to be ourselves. HRT is helping me do exactly that. That's the happy part.

The sad part? Well, with transition, I'm exchanging one set of problems for another. Am I really going to be any better of in the long run? In some ways, yes. In many ways, no. At this point, I'm in a quandry. I've gone too far to turn back, but I don't want to turn back anyway. However, seeing this transition through will put me in a world of hurt possibly worse than the one I'm already in.

Sorry, folks. Gotta tell the truth. In a nutshell, it's almost NOT worth it. Why not? Well, I'm older ... have few friends ... have little money ... have little support ... will live alone ... will be despised by the larger society. Yada, yada, yada. You know the rest.

Not having a lot of money is my own fault. When I was young, I left college because I could not stand what it was preparing me for: The Greed Grab. That's off-topic, so I'm leave it at that in this thread. Many others on here found a solution. A great example is our beloved moderators in New Orleans. They're awesome, but they're also lucky. They found each other and made it work to their mutual benefit.

Me? I'll be the lone wolf transwoman with nobody and nothing. The for-now wife? She's using me ... always has ... and would leave in a flash if she got an inheritance or something. I have no delusions. Meet somebody else? Realistically, probably not.

Orva, people like you who have good educations, good incomes and good careers CAN transition, CAN do it right and CAN benefit from it.! Don't let my sad-sack example dissuade you in any way. For me, the circumstances are against me. For, YOU, the circumstances are WITH you. Were I in your circumstances, I'd go for the gusto, transition in earnest and enjoy my life.

Yes, in your circumstances, I'd be THRILLED about biochemically morphing merrily along the way toward womanhood. Hope this helps. It should.

Peace & Success to You Lacey Lynne

Lacey - it gets better! You will eventually throw off those self-imposed shackles. Don't feel that transitioning is closing doors, its actually opening them. It took a lot of effort and sacrifice, for the three of us to end up together in New Orleans

And Spiro? I also take Fenisteride - costly but different side effects. You may want to talk with your physician and go 1/2 and 1/2. Both do the same thing, repress your male hormones.

Lizzy

[Guest Tara Ann]

That's an eye opener. It occurred to me I could transition and just live the same rubbish life, but it never really entered my head I could sink to lower depths. And I probably would considering the luck I have...

[Guest Orva26]

Yes Lacey, it did help.

Orva, people like you who have good educations, good incomes and good careers CAN transition, CAN do it right and CAN benefit from it.! Don't let my sad-sack example dissuade you in any way. For me, the circumstances are against me. For, YOU, the circumstances are WITH you. Were I in your circumstances, I'd go for the gusto, transition in earnest and enjoy my life.

But the bold, I have a special kind of rage when I see people putting themselves down.

Sad sack example? Silliness! You got so much personality its AWESOME! You'll go full-time and people will be like daaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg that's one neat lady.

Now regardless of how 'well off' people are transition will always bring its woes. It is most definitely still the exception and not the rule that when you come out to people you won't get, "AWESOME! HIGH FIVE PARTY!" as your reaction 100% of the time and I am talking about the long run. It would be crazy to expect that type of thing initially.

I think the biggest barrier we face is ourselves. To be able to reach that point where is someone ends up detesting you, sure it'll hurt but at the end of the day you'll just be like, "okay". I think soon I might be able to do that, big thing I want to be able to do is handle it like I usually handle things, with bluntness. To be able to tell co-workers or acquaintances who end up seeing me in a bad light exactly what I just wrote, that yes it is a bummer but when it comes down to the wire I really don't give a darn what they think about me, rather how they treat me. Hell even if half the department I work in ends up thinking I am disgusting as long as that doesn't change how they deal with me professionally I could really care less.

The flip side of that is dealing with the gap; things that I won't get to have or didn't get to have. I need to in turn be able to not let them change how I deal with people. I don't want to end up treating coworkers who are pregnant or who become pregnant differently because it is something I can't do (yes I know there is some research into it but I wouldn't touch it until it was bullet proof because pregnancy also deals with the formation of another life). I don't want to avoid them and I don't want to become stand offish with them. I need to figure out what I need to do in order for that to work.

But at the moment I need to figure out this hormone type stuff. I'm gonna work with my therapist because she does have knowledge of it, she actually really helped out this one endocrinologist who gets a lot of trans patients. I need to learn about side effects and all the kind of practical things about them. It is pretty straight forward what estrodiol does, it does what it does in natal girls. But it is the nuances of starting out with this particular physicality that I need to become aware of.

Jeez I type all of this after merely asking just how much/how badly spiro makes you pee.

<3

Orva

ps. I just painted my toenails purple.

[Guest Emily Ray]

Your question about Spiro and the need to pee. It varies from once an hour to every few hours depending on how much you drink. You will also be able to eat loads of salty foods. I can eat a quart of pickles in a sitting. Back to the peeing thing. Invariably your need to pee is inversly proportional to the ease of access to a toilet. I could go now and again in five minutes I could go again and give enough for a urine sample. So find out where all the clean bathrooms are and you should have no problems.

Huggs

Emily

[JenniferB]

I really haven't had many problems so far from taking hormones and everybody I see on a daily basis knows I'm transsexual. However the one area I am concerned about is when my gender changes at work and having to use the woman's restroom. One female co-worker I talk with told me to expect problems because there will be females who won't accept it. What I'm most concerned about is they will find a way to get rid of me even though I've never had one complaint in the five years I've worked there. I wish there was a unisex restroom or a big enough account where you won't be recognized. But that is not the case. There is only 20 staff members. Therefore there has to be a contingency plan.

I'm training in all the skills/applications that relate to my job. I'm lucky the company I work for is very LGBT friendly and that they are big enough to have offices all over the world. When it's close to time to change gender at work I plan to move to another account where I will only be thought of as a woman and can live full-time.

There are some steps I plan to complete before I change.

1. Reach the point I can pass as female.

2. Change my driver's license in a court to Jennifer and a marker as female.

3. Go out in public and start using the woman's restroom until I feel comfortable and not awkward.

Even though my company's HR will have another meeting with the staff, I don't believe it will work and must be prepared.

The emotion I feel is some anxiety. I think in this case it's a good thing.

Jenny

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Well, quickly, I'm on lunch break from work right now on a Saturday afternoon. Know what?

Dang, I love EVERYBODY on this thread! I REALLY do! You all ROCK!

Lizzy:

Hon, believe me, I KNOW all three of you went through hell in your personal lives before hittin' The Big Easy. You, Dee Jay and Sally rock my world, and that's the truth. You're all of my generation, face the same attitudes in those times and also the religious crap we had way back then. Surely, it took a whole lot for the three of you to get together and make it work. Looks like it was WAY worth it though!

Girl, I sure as heck HOPE it gets better, 'cause Ole Lacey Girl is a hurtin' puppy because I'm in The Great In Between with EVERYTHING in my life ... like The Twilight Zone (Yo! Rod Serling!)(If you know who I'm talkin' 'bout, you're old as the hills!)

Lizzy, I KNOW it's awesome on the other side! Thing is I wanna be there NOW!!! Kick me, please! I deserve it!

Orva:

Dang, girl. You think Ole Lacey Girl has soul? Made my day, babes! In stead of pulling Harry Callahan's (Clint Eastwood's) 0.44 Magnum on you, how about a hug in stead?

Christ! Orva might be too young to know about those movies! Oh, well ... sigh ... aging! They ain't exactly chick flicks anyway.

Everybody else on here, like, I think you're all amazing.

Anybody here remember "Sweet Baby James" (James Taylor) the way he looked back in The Day?

Yes, Lacey IS into this kind of music too ... more than you know.

Peace & Happiness to You Lacey Lynne