Can Relate To Marylim

[Guest SometimesErica]

I am a new member here and I can relate to a lot of what Mary has posted, except that I am 41, not 18. It seems now that it might have been less complicated had I started to realize who I think I am at an earlier age. As I have been starting to investigate this and I look back over my life I see signs of transgenderism from an early age, but I didn't really know how to deal with it or what was going on with me. I have a lot of questions and thoughts and I am hoping to find some help sorting through things here at Laura's Playground.

For today I just want to comment on my attraction to women. As Mary said, I too am and have always been attracted to women. However, my attraction is two fold. A few days ago a store sale paper came in the mail highlighting lingerie. I looked through the paper and found myself almost equally aroused and desirous. I was not desirous to have one of these women, but to have a body like one of them. This is also often true when I look at my wife. I love her, have no interest in anyone else and I love her body. She delights me, but at the same time when I look at her I sometimes wish that I had a body like hers.

One of my biggest obstacles to making any significant changes in my life is my family. I love my wife and daughter and I don't want to tear our family apart. In the past when I have done some things to express my femininity my wife has gotten tremendously upset, saying that she never wanted to marry a woman. I don't know that she could ever accept me as a woman and I certainly don't think she could stay married to me as a woman.

There is a lot more on my mind, but I don't have time to write more at this time.

Thanks for any advice.

Erica

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Erica,

Welcome to Laura's. I apologize for some mix-up on your posts. You posts are fine, I just felt that you would get more reponses for your concerns if you had a seperate thread for what you want to say. That way, both you and Mary could continue asking questions about your own concerns and we all here could make sure we're responding to the right person.

Anyway, we're glad you're here, and posting. We have a lot of resources available as well as many people who have gone through some of the issues you're describing. You're definitely not alone.

What we always recommend is that you try to see a gender therapist (elsewhere on this site are lists of possible therapists, listed by state and country). When someone is struggling with their own identity, not only can you find some ideas here, but a therapist would be quite qualified to help you determine your future.

Also, when you get a chance make sure you read the Terms and Conditions about being a member here.

So, welcome and I hope you find it informative and supportive.

Hugz

Chloë