Gender Dysphoria Vs Body Image Issues

[Guest sage]

First of all, I'm new to the forum, so hello everybody! -- my (fortunately gender neutral) name is Sage and I'm 16. I began questioning my gender identity recently and I have a strong feeling that I am FTM. Even though I only just realized that I may not identify as female I have an urgent wish to present as male. Feminine clothes have always made me extremely uncomfortable but now the idea of wearing them makes me upset. I want to buy men's clothes and order a binder from Underworks but in order to do this I will have to explain to my parents that I feel uncomfortable with my biological gender.

My parents are very accepting. However, one of the obstacles I'm concerned with in sharing this with them is that they won't believe me or will think I'm deluding myself. In particular, I'm concerned that my mom will think that this is just another incarnation of my body image problems. Since I was 12 (soon after puberty hit) I've struggled with anorexia and I was hospitalized for a month at 14. Since then it's been a lot better but I still obviously harbor negative feelings for my body. Honestly, I'm not nearly as bothered by my weight as I am the womanly shape of my body. I remember feeling so happy when I got thin enough that my chest was totally flat and I was mistaken for a boy. I don't know if that perspective is typical of eating disordered girls or not. But I feel pretty certain that my mom will think I'm confusing my gender identity with my hatred for myself.

What do you think? There's a gender therapist in my area and I've decided to call her and see if I can arrange a consultation, but I will have to communicate with my parents first. I'm terrified that they will blame this on my self esteem problems, and I really want them to take my feelings seriously.

[Guest Avery F]

Hey Sage,

Nice to meet you. I hear you about the rather sudden urge to present as male - the same thing happened to me, so even though I'd been wearing male clothes effectively all my life anyway, suddenly I wanted people to start using male pronouns and such.

That's tricky, with the possibility that your parents will just think it's anorexia or something. Maybe if you told her that you didn't care about losing weight if you got a binder and were thus able to get rid of your curves in another way it might help. If you really don't think your parents will understand, there may be a way to set up an online account and order things yourself - although if you don't want unexplained packages being delivered to your house, you may have to get access to the post office.

Anyway, it's great to have you here on the forums, and I look forward to reading more from you.

Avery

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Sage. Nice to have you with us.

You're doing the right thing by seeking a G.T. early on. If you explain to your parents your feelings, why you think you have G.I.D., and why you need to seek professional advice, I think they will understand and support you. They may be in a mild state of shock, but

they will get past that.

This process takes time, so don't feel like you need to accomplish everything in a month. It is a long journey, and you are very young.

Please do post in any forum, and check out Chat if you haven't already. Its a lot of fun. Also, please read the Terms and Conditions if you haven't already. There is a link at the top of every page.

Almost forgot to offer you the ritual Snack Cart goodies of pizza and hot cocoa. Enjoy, and I look forward to seeing your posts.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie