Tell Us Your Jokes!

[Guest Storm Angel]

A chicken and a frog were sitting in a library..

The chicking says to the frog, "Booook book book?"

The frog replies, "Rrrrread it, read it, read it!"

[Guest raydub]

A chicken and a frog were sitting in a library..

The chicking says to the frog, "Booook book book?"

The frog replies, "Rrrrread it, read it, read it!"

i love corny jokes.

Ray

[Guest Keira]

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

[Guest Storm Angel]

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Hope it's a red gummy bear, yum!

[Guest silverpetals]

why did king kong paint the soles of his feet brown?

...so he could hide upside-down in a jar of peanut butter!!

*stunned silence*

[Guest Storm Angel]

why did king kong paint the soles of his feet brown?

...so he could hide upside-down in a jar of peanut butter!!

*stunned silence*

lol randomness

..that must be one big jar of peanut butter!

[Guest Storm Angel]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well..

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe...

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment...

“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

[Guest kaos]

that first one was hilarious!

[Guest Storm Angel]

Where does a dog go fishing?

Wharf Wharf!

[MaryEllen]

A cheeseburger walks into a bar, and says "Hey bartender give me a beer".

The bartender says - "I'm sorry we don't serve food here".

Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

[Guest lisa49]

[Guest Storm Angel]

Oh my goodness! That I soo funny!

If I get an 'Apple IBoob' I want one with dual subwoofers!

[Guest Madison_Always]

why i s 6 afraid of 7?

cuz 7 ate 9 hmmm O_o

[Guest Storm Angel]

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

[Guest CharliTo]

Haha great... I only got dirty or inappropriate jokes on me unfortunately. lol. Either that or I have to go through a long story

[Guest Storm Angel]

Haha great... I only got dirty or inappropriate jokes on me unfortunately. lol. Either that or I have to go through a long story

Hmm.. What's a dirty joke? I'm too innocent to know any......

(yeah right)

[Guest Storm Angel]

Why did the weather man go to a therapist?

to help with his tropical depression

Two blondes walked into a bar.. you'd think the second one would of ducked!

A hat, a garden hose and a jumper lead walk into a nightclub.. at the door, the bouncer declines their entry, the hat, hose and jumper lead question the bouncer, "why can't we come in?" The bouncer replies.. "your off your head!" to the hat, "Your off tap!" to the garden hose "and jumpers leads always start something!"

[Guest Storm Angel]

Here's one I made up...

What does a teenage Mud Crab hide under his mattress?

Prawnography

[Guest hizmom]

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.... .......including the curtain rods.

[Guest Storm Angel]

This is a picture of a graffitied shipping container I found online taken from the small township of Tennant Creek NT Australia, some 800km south of Darwin.

[Guest RainBird]

Definition of a hard decision...

A one armed man hanging from a cliff with an itchy crotch

[Guest Exiledrain]

Definition of a hard decision...

A one armed man hanging from a cliff with an itchy crotch

That's worse than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest!

[Guest]

Got this one in my email today.

Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers ........................... and then there are educators!!!!

[Guest skyy]

fred is talking to his neighbor george about how a new neighbor has moved into the neighbor. george askes what he does for a living. fred doesnt know, so he askes the new guy. the new guy say he does deductive reasoning for a big corporation. fred asks "what is that?".

the new guy says i see you have a dog house in your lawn. fred says he does

"so i assume you have a dog, yes?" "thats right"

"you are a busy man and a dog is a lot of work, so i assume you have a family to take care of it, right?" "yea, i do"

"then you must have children" "yea i do"

"then you have a wife i suppose" "yea, thats right..."

"then i assume you are a heterosexual male with a family and a dog, and i got that out of looking at your lawn" fred says "wow, thats cool"

later fred is talking to george and says he learned what the neighbor does. george askes what he does. and fred says he does deductive reasoning. george is confused too "whats that?" he askes. fred askes if he has a dog house in his lawn.

george says "no"

fred says "Queer"

i like gay jokes, and i'm a lesbian so i cant get in trouble for it

[Guest AshleyK]

i like gay jokes, and i'm a lesbian so i cant get in trouble for it

Me too