And So There Was Chaoseverafter...

[Guest ChaosEverafter]

Hi, hello, how r ya? My name is Andrea, and i am a MtF. i am 22 years old currently. i have not started any type of transition physically.

wow things like this, idk even where to start.

umm well I've known i was TG for a long time now. since before puberty for sure. i dealt with therapists for many years with this issue. since around 11 (i originally started for depression). but i never would let them tell my parents. i was just too scared. i finally did tell them when i was 17-18. but they didn't react well, and so i wrote it off as being high and to forget about it. so i continued to be a boy and live like anyone else, except with all the horrible shame/resentment/depression/anger/etc. with the exception that at about 16 i found the internet and had been living my "real" life on there ever since.

well about a week ago i sort of cracked and hit rock bottom. lets just suicide was the answer for me at the time. i joined a forum for TG people, found the chat room that this website has, and generally started getting help from people (i haven't had a therapist since i was 21 due to not being on insurance anymore, and not being able to pay for it otherwise). so this is sort of like therapy for me. its free at least.

well about two days ago, i was "relaxing in such a state that my inhibitions were at a lowered state" and decided to use my money i had been saving up for a trip to Chicago for and instead put it all on a pre-paid credit card and bought a bunch of appropriate items for my real gender. spent about $500. so that stuff will hopefully be here within a week or so. most of it anyway.

also i sort of opened my mothers eyes to how hard it was for me to just be alive as a guy. she sort of said "I'd rather have a daughter then a dead son" and has decided to be supportive. no idea how my dad will react, not looking forward to it. btw, i still live with my parents.

I'm a college student, I'm majoring in psychology. i just want to be a general practice therapist.

i enjoy all things artistic. drawing, writing poetry/songs/prose/stories/books (two so far, neither published, but i haven't pursued publishing either).

I am a music fanatic. Mostly metal. Black metal, death metal, etc. but i pretty much am okay with listening too anything but country and gangster rap. I play guitar slightly, and i play drums (much less slightly, but i currently don't own a drum set).

my "style" is definitely on the darker side. metalhead/goth i would say.

i think that covers most of the things typically put in these? i would include pictures as well, but since i don't have any of my stuff yet, i haven't taken any pictures of the real me, so you peeps are going to have to wait a bit. lol.

feel free to ask any questions, i love talking about myself haha.

-Andrea

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Andrea,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest ChaosEverafter]

i found the chat room and signed up for it before i was approved to join this forum. so all that is already done lol same name on chat as it is on here.

[Sally]

Hi Andrea,

Welcome to the forums, you will find a lot of friendly people with amazingly similar stories here.

We came to ask questions and stayed for the sense of family and the possibility of helping others through some of the rough patches.

I am sorry that finances seem to play such a huge part in our lives but I am glad that you have found us.

So do relax and feel free to ask questions, comment and join in - just stay within our rules (there is a link posted on the top of every page) and have fun while you learn more about yourself and us.

Why don't you pick out a mug and I'll get you some hot cocoa and a batch of fresh baked cookies - my way of saying, "Welcome to the family."

Love ya,

Sally