The Hetro-Assumption

[Guest Orva26]

Background:

The hetero assumption is what I have termed the trait society has of projecting heterosexuality. It is common place. If a person is male bodied they are encouraged to seek female attention and hit on woman, and a female bodied person is likewise encouraged to flirt with males. To me it is un-healthy and disgusting. The entire thing overlooks the actual idea of love. Isn't the healthy thing to encourage someone to find a caring PARTNER to cultivate a relationship with rather than covertly parading the intellectually plebeian idea of breeding as love?

Anyways, as a recent development I have found my attraction and mindset shifting. I am allowing myself to be attracted to the masculine. Not strictly males: a "butch" hit on me and easily could have had me in the palm of her hand.

So tonight I was at a social/dinner event for work and something both annoying and interesting happened. One of my co-workers attempted to encourage me to introduce myself to a young lady. The interesting thing was that I could not discern which one he was talking about/pointing to. Like I didn't have radar for that.

The annoying thing was his freaking wording, "You're single you should try to get with her/talk with her" Not exactly sure but it was something to that effect. It really upset me because why the hell is that the socially acceptable thing to say?! Why do hetero-cis people get this type of arrogance that no-one questions? I am half wondering what would've happened if I was a bit more gutsy or had a bit more to drink at this point. What would me finally having enough of this crap be like/sound like?

I found myself angry/distraught that I am seen as the guy that should be hunting a girl rather than the girl to be hunted. Can't really help that right now though... grrrr! Well I kind of can by being like, "Yo, shaddup I'm bi (I'm not gonna bother explaining pansexuality to people) and looking for a male!"

Idk, I guess that is it.

-Orva

[Guest kelise]

The term you're looking for is "heteronormativity". It's a genuine psychosocial term, no matter what my spell checker says, and it refers to exactly that. The general assumption most people have that any given person on the street is straight. It's one of the reasons openly gay people go to such extremes to show the world they're gay (i.e. rainbow paraphernalia, being extra flaming/butch, etc.) There also the term Cisnormativity, which is the assumption that any given person is comfortable in their own skin.

[Guest Mina89]

The people I work with now exude heteronormativity more than any other collection of individuals I've encountered.

"You wanna hit this [nearby college frat] house party with us after work, tonight? There are gonna be a [invective]-load of girls there and [x] kegs."

"No thanks."

"Man, you really gotta get laid before people start thinking you're gay. How old are you, now?"

Who says I'm not? I think I am, in a way I could never communicate to you without some kind of ridicule.

"I'm just not really looking for a relationship right now and I'm cooling off the party scene a little."

...Because my life is a wreck and I'm trying to put it back together the way I want it and I' really sucked at dating for as long as I can remember.

I found my way to my current job through interning, but there are some interns that I really wish weren't around.

-Valerie

[gennee]

Assuming someone is hetero is a part of our society. Most people don't think that someone may not be hetero. One misconception is that many think you have to look or behave a certain way if your gay, lesbian, bi, or transgender. This is certainly incorrect. I've seen this played out many times.

Gennee

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I think most people have a natural inbuilt expectation for people to be what they personally see to be 'normal'. That 'normal' is different for different people. Their own characteristics and life experience will combine to form that 'normal'.

It's difficult to keep a totally blank slate for someone and not make at least some assumptions but it sux being on the receiving end of it.

Gabe

[Guest SummerDay]

I just see that the world is built a certain way. The way male and female diverge and heterosexuality clusters around the fat middle of the bellcurve is no big deal. It's all wheels within wheels. Systems with systems.

A simple question is why should the other 99% totally change their worldview and lifestyle just to accommodate people at the fringes?

This week's been really challenging. I generally think of myself as hetero with all the girls and babies thing that implies. Boring normality but it works. But when my evil transgender twin pops up inside my head things start getting a lot more elastic. I don't know. I might surprise myself or find someone who does the surprising for me. It's really difficult to get into that space until you're there.

Sometimes loving people is just about accepting who they are. Works both ways.

I hurt right now because I can't wave a magic transgender wand and people have been hurtful in life anyway. The Buddha has some things to say about change, and people, and the world. Maybe I'm just being self-indulgent or soft but I've been dwelling on that for a few days.

I just want to feel okay about myself and I'm not even sure I'm capable of meaningless sex. I have to understand. I have to connect. It just seems so pointless otherwise (outside the heat of passion and too much drink.)

A friend of mine said it's not all about the answers. It's all about asking the right questions. I didn't see that at the time but I get that now and it's not always something you can articulate.