Words That Are Not Ok

[Guest ThomasJames]

i can't stand discussing...periods in reference to myself. my girlfriend will be complaining about hers and i have no problem. hell i ask her if she needs me to do anything and sadly i've memorized most of my friends' cycles. but ever since i started mine my mom and i have referred to the stuff for them soley as items. and the first time, i got so sick i went to the hospital so at first i blamed the blood on my sever kidney infection.

[Guest ashermohawk]

oh, this conversation started up again? cool.

something that also gets on my nerves is my aunt. her nickname for me is "Girly". she actually calls me "girly" in place of my name........BAH!!!

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I find that "anatomically correct" terms do not trigger me but "slang" terms often disturb me. I prefer breasts over knockers, for instance.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

in my teens and early twenties I actually would stutter when trying to say the word lesbian ... I was raised with homophobia and the word was said like a dirty word and it took me a long time to re-claim it. Now, I can say that I am a lesbian without a feeling of deep sense of shame and with even some pride. I do not perfectly identify with the word ... but I see it as a clinical term that defines how I am viewed (legally) in society. I see myself as pan gender and androgynous ... neither male or female ... So, I do not feel the term lesbian really fits ... Also, I am attracted to women but I do not limit myself and define myself to this as a rigid and permanent reality ... in this sense, I identify better as pan sexual. I tend to fall in love with women but I am open to loving a person beyond gender and I have dated other genders on occasion.

So, back to terms .. none feel "right" but they help us to communicate and so, I prefer terms that are anatomically correct or linguistically correct as I see these as most respectful in most instances. If a person is triggered, I woudl try to avoid these words as much as is possible.

- J

[Guest Talon]

Off the top of my head, I don't have a problem with any particular words when I hear them by themselves. I hear lots of slang words every day and am fine with it. I even use slang myself a lot like many bio guys. Though not in a disrespectful, offensive way. And I don't ever ever call people something they don't want to be called. But being as I'm a guy, I talk like a guy.

The thing is that when words like "lesbian" (NO offense to lesbians, I'm just not one ), period, chick, she, her etc. are applied to me personally, it upsets and angers me insanely, sometimes with a force I can't control. It makes me want to freak out and scream and hit. If anyone refers to my genitals with female words, I get super dysphoric - right away! It really makes me angry!

So the words by themselves I don't have a problem with but when they're used about me, it feels like one of the worst forms of abuse ever.

Talon.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Yes, Talon ... I have a experienced a couple of times when a guy would say very deliberately and rather loudly "Young Lady" or "Ma'am" as if it were a mockery ... I felt that this was trans phobic and done to "put me in my place" It is very abusive. Words can be used like weapons.

[Guest Exeter]

I feel the same as many who have posted before. I can't use the words 'breasts', 'period', or so on, in reference to myself. I hardly even say them about others. I refer to 'that thing that happens to me every month' as 'crap happening'. And if I need items relating to that, I keep it very vague. So vague, I'm surprised anyone catches on. And I could hardly bear to even write 'bra' in one of my fictional stories.

I hate being 'ladies'd' when I'm out with female relatives. Ughhh... And the word 'woman' in reference to me, terrifies me. But the worst of all... being called a female specific insult. You know the sort... a five letter word starting with a B, for one. That type of thing makes me more dysphoric, oddly, than someone referencing my anatomy. I had that happen once and curled into a ball over it... felt terrible, and dirty for days.

Though, I'm not bothered by the words, in themselves. In fact, even slang doesn't bother me unless, of course, people are being sexist or something. If someone called me a female insult in jest, or for another reason, as long as they saw me as male, I wouldn't care. I just never want to be called something simply because I'm seen as female.

[Guest NadineB]

Before transition being referred to as a "big guy" always got me. During transition it's the "sir", "he", and "him" but for the most part it's stopped. Except for the phone :-(

The words that get me seeing red now are "Transgender" "she male" "he/she" and "it" and one I had never heard until a butch lesbo walked up to me and called me her sister/bro, then kept talking and called me a "Transgender". The derogatory terms I just used for her is still my anger at being outed in public by her. Then the b@&$h hit on my partner. I could have slapped her back under that rock she came out under.

I am a woman........get it right!!!

Hehe, sorry bout the outburst.

Luv Nadine

[Guest ashermohawk]

yes, i have been the subject of some "transexualist" comments as well. in the 10th grade, i was walking down the hall, wearing as manly an outfit as i could risk at the time, and behind me this girl and guy were talking and then looked at me and said, "oh look! now that is a real she/he! yo she/he! where ya goin?" i just ignored them and went on my way.

then last year i had gym class, and it was the swimming section. i was having "that time of the month where my stomach hurts" so i didnt have to swim. by this time, i was binding and wearing mostly guys clothes, but was still not out. so, while i was reading my book by the side of the pool, these two guys walked past, and one of them said, "hey, wassup fruit-loop?" at first i was confused, cuz i had only really ever heard that used to insult gay guys. the other guy said, "who are you talking to?" "that!" he pointed to me, "thats a MAN right there!" now, normally i would have been happy that someone recognized the gender i was trying to emulate, but in this situation it was being used as an insult! *sigh* ignorant stupid ghetto black-people! (its ok, i'm black, so i can say that!)

[Guest Lonewolf13]

Absolutely agree. Those words hurt like hell when in relation to me and I try to ignore/avoid them entirely if possible but if its referring to someone else then its no problem. Somehow I think the unnecassery words like ' miss, girls, she, lady 'etc ( seanjamie - I feel for you, your my little girl is one of the worst thing to be called) as it just feels like an insult or a stab in the back. I have to really hold back my anger when anyone says these things to me. luckily Ive persuaded my mum to mostly say 'guys' not 'girls' when shes talking to me with my friends etc.

[Guest mynameisjay]

I don't do well with anantomical words either, but the worst thing ever was when my ex-girlfriend and I had recently broken up and were trying to still be friends. We were going somewhere and I was driving. I was telling her about then night before when I'd been out at the bar with friends and been hit on. Her response was "But you're my girl." I swear I thought about hitting the brakes so hard she'd go through the windshield. It was just this moment of red rage. I hadn't told her about my being transgender at that point, so it wasn't intentional, but boy did it rub me the wrong way. Of course that moment passed. Now I am out to her and she's very supportive.

Jay

[Guest Masculinity]

I have no problem with those words, but I do hate the word ''lesbian'' because it sounds bad...couldn't they come up with a better name for homosexual women?

I hate it when people call me beautiful, princess, little girl, woman and those kinds of female names...yet, I'm still waiting for the day when people can just call me dude, man, etc.

[Guest Call me DEAN]

Personnaly, I've always hated my name. It's soft, it's long for nothing and there are no male equivalents (such as Martin for Martine or Charles for Charlotte). Now only do I realize why I've never liked it: way too feminine. I cringe almost everytime I hear my full name.

Like others have mentionned, I also don't like the word lesbian when it's used to describe me. It doesn't fit. Again, now only do I know why I've always dislike it. And Masculinity's right, the word itself does sound pretty bad. I don't like words about female genitalia either. Yuck. Nope. It's not like I have anything against women or anything. Those words just rub me the wrong way.

Dean

[Guest Talon]

Dean, I feel the same way about my given name. The girl name. I mean, I am changing my name right now and everyone will soon call me the right name and pronouns. But I cringe as well when I hear my given name. The very most, of course, when it is used on me. And also when people say she. I know they don't do it out of evil but it still feels like some sort of abuse. But also when I hear my given name for other people with that name, it makes me cringe because my every association with the name is negative, painful and full of bad memories. Maybe in time it'll be better, maybe you kind of distance yourself from your given girl name a bit more and can think of it more as a general name and maybe your old name, something that doesn't apply to you anymore. I hope that eases up a bit. Time will tell. If I meet a person with the same name as my given girl name, I even feel uncomfortable calling that person by her name because every part of me hates saying or writing that name.

[Guest Amethyst_Redemption]

Like the lesbian thing i hated the term 'gay' in reference to myself because of the implied 'male liking ...' aspect of it.

I feel ya

April

[Guest Kael147]

Language is so strange. There are words I don't like, but they only the bad "c" words both male and female. I used to have a hard time saying either one, but the other words just feel awkward. When I'm called she or he these days I feel like I'm squirming. See - I'm in limbo land. I look like a woman (butch woman, but a woman), dress like a man, am a man, but can't pull off man completely. So anytime someone refers to me by a gender, I squirm. If it's as a woman (any term) I feel like they are judging me that I'm not "feminine enough" to be a "woman" and when they refer to me as male gender terms, I feel like they are going to realize their mistake and it'll be all weird.

Does that make sense? L I M B O LAND sucks!

Kael

[Guest mynameisjay]

Kael, I totally get it bro! I hate having to open my mouth and speak, because that instantly takes me from "sir" to "oh, I'm sorry maam." It's like a rollercoaster...happy to be recognized as male but waiting for the other shoe to drop (and as soon as they hear my voice it does).

Jay

[Guest Juniper Blue]

I think the theme here is that MEN prefer to NOT be referred to as women and are uncomfortable to have female terms, including pronouns driected at them. This seems perfectly reasonable and should not be an issue ... in a "perfect world." I feel that it is very abusive when people refuse to refer to others as they wish to be addressed and with the terms and PGP's that they request. As an androgyne, I feel more flexibilty but if I was 100% male identified, I believe that my feelings would be very different ... most men that I know would take great offense to anyone calling them "girl" etc. or using female terms to describe thier male anatomy. It really bothers me when people act in dense ways regarding peoples names, PG"S etc. in fact, it makes me feel quite angry. This happend a lot to Chaz when he was on DWTS for instance, and I was vocal about it on MSN and other on-line web-sites.