Nothing's Perfect

[Carolyn Marie]

I got a call from a local Congressional office, asking for information. I called back and talked to the office assistant. I identified myself as Carolyn _____, used my best female voice, and she called me "sir" twice. At the end of the conversation, she asked for my name and phone number, again I said Carolyn _____, and once again, she said "thank you sir, I'll have Joe call you back in the morning."

Some days, it just doesn't work the way its supposed to. Maybe I'll have better luck with "Joe."

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Whoa!

That was the perfect opportunity for the quick thinking, sarcastic, sweet talking Carolyn Marie that I know!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[JJ]

It isn't your voice hon-it's what's between her ears.

Let's hope she is some sort of summer intern or volunteer.

I got sirred by twitterpated secretaries on occasion when I sounded more like Marilyn Monroe but had a responsible position. Some women still think anyone with a job title higher than administrative assistant is a man.

Funny in my case they got it right.

Love

Johnny

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Aw I'm sorry Carolyn. It sounds like a very disheartening phone call and seems to me like the person wasn't really paying attention. I hope the call with Joe tomorrow goes better.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

Carolyn, people listen to our voices and hear what they want. My voice is getting deeper and somedays due to allergies, it may not be as deep but in the same day, two people who have not seen me , heard me differently. This was within a matter of minutes.

It is difficult when we get misgendered but lately I just let it roll. People see and hear what they want. It is their rigid idea of what a man and woman should sound like and that if someone is confident and authoritative, it must be a man.

Now Joe needs to call and charm you and tell his assistant, "why didn't you give me the message from the pretty lady sooner?"

John

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I had a call in for a service representative... so I naturally was connected to a person from India. He spoke English but it was a bit difficult to communicate.

Now I pass in person and 99% over the phone - not because I have female voice, but because I am in that overlap between male and female voice. I make it work by vocabulary, voice inflection and lilt - maybe - hopefully!

Aww, it works, I know it does.

This fellow from India talked to me - He had my woman's name, yet he tried to force me to admit I was a 'guy' - dang. I kept telling him I am a woman and to just accept that. He did for a bit and then slipped in a couple of wrong pronouns. I chewed him up royally, and said I was going to hang up and recall - which I did - no problem at all with the second man.

We never know what throws us 'off' and gives them that wrong gender read at the beginning. Once that is in place, it's almost impossible to overcome.

And I wouldn't worry. In the past as a male, I sometimes got ma'amed on the telephone. Karma dictates I now pay for that on occasion, I suppose.

FUNNY

We live such complex lives, we transsexual!

Lizzy

[Guest]

Hi Carolyn,

I finally got to watch your speech (WOW, MAJOR CONGRATULATIONS!) , and kept forgetting that you weren't a friend of my wife - you look and sound like her!

There are some people who are just insensitive. Don't take it personally!

Love, Kat

[Drea]

I wouldn't sweat it Carolyn. If it is an isolated incident it's just the person. If it isn't isolated, well, realistically, it takes about 6 to 18 months full time before ones voice falls into place. It is really difficult to get a good voice when one has to switch back and forth.

I see no point in blaming someone much less blaming societial expectations what a man or woman should sound like.

For the most part it makes no big deal. Often time people in position of having to answer a phone are required to address people as sir or maam to be polite or respectful but find themselves sometimes in the difficult position of not being able to tell or mis-reading. They can't even assume by the name because again assuming based upon the name would be stereotyping gender based upon name.

The mis-reading on the phone is most annoying when dealing with customer service about a bank or credit card account and they refuse to give you info because you don't sound like the gender your name suggests. On the other hand they are trying to protect you.

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi Carolyn,

I finally got to watch your speech (WOW, MAJOR CONGRATULATIONS!) , and kept forgetting that you weren't a friend of my wife - you look and sound like her!

Don't take it personally!

Thanks so much, Kat. Yes, its already forgotten. Just a momentary blip.

I wouldn't sweat it Carolyn. If it is an isolated incident it's just the person. If it isn't isolated, well, realistically, it takes about 6 to 18 months full time before ones voice falls into place.

I'm not, Drea. I posted about it partially out of irritation, but partly to demonstrate that no matter how good things are going, there are always little setbacks, and we just have to accept that fact and learn to deal with it. I've actually had quite good luck on the phone. In more than a month this was the first time that mis-gendering was really obvious. Not a bad track record at all.

Carolyn Marie

[Sally]

My therapist has told me to go ahead and stop trying to act male at work so I am letting my gestures and voice go a bit more Sally each day and it makes my life outside of work a lot easier.

Carolyn - not having to hold onto any male time at all your voice will find itself - you will pass on the phone or anywhere else because you are a woman - that's all.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest John Chiv]

I posted about it partially out of irritation, but partly to demonstrate that no matter how good things are going, there are always little setbacks, and we just have to accept that fact and learn to deal with it.

Carolyn Marie

This is the exact reason for some of my posts lately. Actually, it is a great way to deal with life in general.

John