Do I Pass?

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Ok I am not posting a picture of myself. In fact I recently took down my icon with my picture. Why? Because thinking in terms of Do I pass has always gotten on my nerves.

I just said it in another thread. When we seek to pass we are in essense implying others fail. I so feel this is not fair to those who truly struggle in society with being GID and have traits like being too tall or too short, or hands that are too big. Or an adams apple...and the list goes on and on.

In social settings the biggest thing that will get you read is a lack of self confidense. Not your height, your square jaw or large hands. people may see those and wonder but when they see an air confidense they will assume they are seeing a rather masculine women.

I was at the drug store not too long ago waiting on a prescrip. This woman in her late 50s walked in and was in line. I was sitting down across the room from her. I looked at her and thought, hmmmm trans? I thought eh what ever. Then her name was called and she stepped forward and the clerk goes Sir, we don't have... he was cut off as she corrected him gracefully that she was a ma'am. He stammered and corrected the pronoun and carried on.

I sat there after she left and he carried on with his duties. At no point did he say to some one else...OMG did you see that? That was a DUUDE! He was simply corrected and that was that. He accepted that she was female.

So what if you get read. What I would like to see more of rather than, "do I pass", is "Do you have any beauty and pose tips for me?" Properly done hair and make up can reduce or eliminate a masculine trait. We all have them, even genetic girls. I have a natal female friend who walks like a linebacker and has a deeper voice than other girls. She has the confidense that is part of her aura. No one questions her gender. They just think..ah tomboy.

I think we under estimate just how powerful our own thoughts are and how those thoughts can actually hold us back from being who we need to be.

[Sally]

Bravo!

You actually get it!

The secret is confidence and attitude.

But more importantly you have the formula for success.

I think we under estimate just how powerful our own thoughts are and how those thoughts can actually hold us back from being who we need to be.

We worry so much about what others think that we cease thinking for ourselves.

It is our thoughts that show us as male or female - they have opinions and observations we have the true information so don't worry about them and you will project an aura of your true gender, appearance is not as important as we make it in our own minds.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Aly Kat]

I seriously want to find you and give you a real life hug.

To anyone reading her post w/ doubts : she speaks the truth.

<3 Aly

[Guest Elizabeth K]

So what if you get read. What I would like to see more of rather than, "do I pass", is "Do you have any beauty and pose tips for me?"

DANG! Right on target

I am so happy to see this topic!

Now don't get me wrong, first timers sometimes feel verrrrrrry insecure and want to know if they have "a handsize-ball-composed-of-snow's chance in HELL." They want a benchmark. We tell them.

But as we get more experienced? We MUST just accept ourselves. Attitude - just pure self acceptance - 'of course we are women (or men)" Of course we expect, and yes, demand, we be treated as what we are. We are what we are, the same as everyone around us - we are OURSELVES - what else can be said?

Lizzy

[Guest Megan_Lynn]

Additude is everything.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

So what if you get read. What I would like to see more of rather than, "do I pass", is "Do you have any beauty and pose tips for me?"

DANG! Right on target

I am so happy to see this topic!

Now don't get me wrong, first timers sometimes feel verrrrrrry insecure and want to know if they have "a handsize-ball-composed-of-snow's chance in HELL." They want a benchmark. We tell them.

But as we get more experienced? We MUST just accept ourselves. Attitude - just pure self acceptance - 'of course we are women (or men)" Of course we expect, and yes, demand, we be treated as what we are. We are what we are, the same as everyone around us - we are OURSELVES - what else can be said?

Lizzy

I did not arrive at this point over night. It took time. A lot of time. So I understand when the young or new person asks the question if they pass. I am just not going to use the words, "yes honey, you pass." I avoid that word like the plague. I do see that some will have an easier time than others slipping into society as who they truly are. That is just a fact of life.

I have also had my fill of other transgirls getting jealous of me when I know what it is about me that helps me fit in. It is my attitude and it is my confidense. If I did not have those two things I would be read all over the place regardless of the amount of feminine traits I might have. It has very little to do with my appearance.

think of it this way...does a natal woman walk around worried if others see her as a woman? Nope. then why should any of you? I live in a college town and there are several 6'2" plus tall women here. Very manly, but I can tell you the furthest thing from their mind is if people think they are a guy or not. They are just who they are.

Accept and love yourself and others will do the same regardless of the package.

Some one always has it worse. Here read about Tanya Angus. A natal born female....once very pretty and now a living giant who will die soon. Then examine your own lives and see if it can get any worse.

http://www.tanyaangus.com/

Love you all.

[Cyndee]

Accept and love yourself and others will do the same regardless of the package.

Yep, these are darn good words to live by !

Nice post Lightsider !

Cindy -

[Guest x--Felica]

Oh gosh, so true!

Praise you!

I love this.

[Guest Donna Jean]

I did not arrive at this point over night. It took time. A lot of time. So I understand when the young or new person asks the question if they pass. I am just not going to use the words, "yes honey, you pass." I avoid that word like the plague. I do see that some will have an easier time than others slipping into society as who they truly are. That is just a fact of life.

Love you all.

If you see my posts on these questions by young (and not so young) people.....

You'll see me judiciously say things like "You have a lot of good features" or "You have female facial features"...."...lots of potential..." etc....

I try to never say "You Pass!"

Passing (as it were) is much more than a neck up photo.....

Voice, presentation, attitude, just being yourself and LOTS of other things make a person "blend" into their target gender....

You can't determine much from a head shot...

"You Pass" scares me......

Huggs

Donna Jean

[JJ]

I've always hated the word and the implied concept of "pass" but after awhile slide into using the word sometimes..

"How do I present?" works better for me. We are after all actually learning to present ourselves in our true gender. Most of us failed to be socialized in that gender. Some of us have decades of hard learned conditioning in the incorrect gender to overcome and we really do need to learn what we were not taught the way our peers were. But we need to evolve and take what fits and suits the kind of person we are instead of buying into stereotypes. And then be confident and not thrown too badly by our mistakes. Teens -as they move into their more mature gender roles-make lots of mistakes. We are going to also. Not the end of the world but rather a learning experience. Confidence in your true identity will carry the day ultimately.

Good post Lightsider

Johnny

[Paula ult]

If you are confident and act like you belong somewhere chances are you will not get a second look, of course it helps if you are dressed your age and have a decent voice, did you ever think that person at the store that looks at you may be self conscious and wondering what you think of them instead of the other way around.

Paula

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I would like to challenge the community to step away from the word "pass" and adopt something more appropriate. Something less judging. I think JJ's idea of "How do I present" is a better term to use and denotes that there is a chance to improve upon what is already there.

Instead of "Do I Pass." try "How is my presentation?"

or

Instead of "You pass" try "Your presentation is very feminine."

What say the community? Are you with me on this? We would need the moderators onboard for this because *cough* some of them use the word pass in these threads. BAD MODS!

[Guest Jenny K.]

I think how you feel and picture yourself is more important than worrying about if you pass or not. If I like how I look, if I feel comfortable with how I present myself, that's all that matters to me. And don't worry about "impressing" other people, try to "impress" your self. That helps me be less self conscious.

[Guest Elena]

The problem especially with head shots is being almost completely unable to gage actual presentation. You can only gage appearance, and maybe posture on full body shots. But posture is often artificial in photos also, unless it's a candid shot. I like where you're going with what little we can judge though.

Should have the passing Forum name changed to Presentation as well.

Good stuff.

Elena

[Guest Kelsy]

God Lord I needed that!! Very uplifting and a great attitude booster I am going to return to your words often!!

Thank you!!

[Guest Julie T]

I would like to challenge the community to step away from the word "pass" and adopt something more appropriate. Something less judging. I think JJ's idea of "How do I present" is a better term to use and denotes that there is a chance to improve upon what is already there.

Instead of "Do I Pass." try "How is my presentation?"

or

Instead of "You pass" try "Your presentation is very feminine."

What say the community? Are you with me on this? We would need the moderators onboard for this because *cough* some of them use the word pass in these threads. BAD MODS!

Lightsider

You wrote such a wonderful topic, and I must say there have been some really outstanding responses. I too really dislike the word pass, as it infers trying to present as something you are not really, like you are in disguise. It's like maybe saying, am I fooling everyone? When referring to myself I do try to say I was presenting as myself, and seen correctly. I also say I was presenting as the woman I really am. Do moderators here use the word pass? Do I use the words pass? I think we do. When we moderate we try to use the general conversational tone the member who posted uses. Does that make sense?

What we do is try not to throw too much information in peoples faces, because if the core idea of what they want to express is clear, it's really how we respond in kind, focusing on the content rather than the semantics.

It might be better to not use the word pass as much? I will think on it. So if member comes on and asks if they pass, my response might be, assuming they do have potential, "You present very well and should have little trouble if you should decide to transition." Or something like that?

Julie

[JJ]

Yesterday I was thinking of the words pass and present and what I am trying to convey when I use them and neither works for me. The closest I came was the word recognized.

Because I am not seeking to pass anything or pass myself off as anything. Not am I really putting together a presentation, Because that also sounds like a construct-a false front to the world I am presenting and that also is not what I want.

Pure and simple I want-I need- to learn to be recognized as my true gender by the world around me. To master the cues for that gender while remaining myself. In fact while being free to be my true self. Anything else is, for me, exchanging one set of falsehoods for another.

I just want to be recognized for who I am.

Johnny

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

I use the word "blend"

I don't want to pass/fail.....

I "present" myself as how I want to be perceived ....

...and I "blend" into the group that I am a member of...female...

TA-DA!

Dee Jay