Rambling Again

[Guest Mori]

I can feel myself slipping backwards and feel that it may be helpful to post here before it hits full blast and while i can think straight.

I know why I'm slipping backwards. Its close to that time of month where I get super dysphoric and when my emotions get thrown out of wack it gets really bad. Basicly I just need to some support from people who know what I am going through. I just want to curl up and dissapear at this time of month. Worse even is that talking about it makes me feel even worse so I tend to just clam up about it. I don't want to feel like this because I am at my dad and grandma's place finaly. the move I have been waiting to make...and now I'm feeling like crap because of how I was born...

Another thing real quick. I met this guy online and we have been talking to each other for almost 6 months now. so we decided to start calling ourselves a couple becasue he liked me and I liked him...or so I thought. Now I'm just so unsure. I feel akward talking to him now and refuse to open up to him. I'm feeling like i should just tell him that its not working out...but it may just be me chickening out because I won't let myself be happy. everytime I get into a relationship I start distancing my self from the person and then end up breaking the relationship off. and with this one there is the added complication of it being long distance. I just don't know what to do...I really like this guy most of the time, but right now I am revolted by him...(I also don't think he sees me as a man...he has made a few comments that really make me doubt that he does) Is just the fact that I find myself not wanting to talk to him a sign that he is not a good match for me...

Gah! I hate relationship stuff...

sorry for the rambling but I needed to get this all out before I'm too emotional to ask for help.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Honey - you ramble all you want! Yes - its crazy for us sometimes. But we make it.

Donno about the internet dating - so to speak. Its okay as long as you don't give out any identifying information, but it sounds as though your friend is wanting more than you wanna give. Go by your instincts on that one.

Hope U are feeling just a leeeetle bit better!

Lizzy

[Guest John Chiv]

Mori,

Relationships are hard, let alone internet dating. I just wrote a post about internet safety yesterday but it isn't about rules. Read it and see if some of it helps. It may, it may not. That advice applies to any post. I tend to write a lot in the general forum because a lot of what we go through can apply to any one here. There are some really good topics here in many forums, you don't have to respond, just reading sometimes will make you feel less isolated and it will take your focus off the anxiety of the moment.

You are a smart guy, you know that the dysphoria right now is adding to the emotions. This does not mean your concerns are not valid. I am 47 and I feel like you sometimes. Sometimes nothing helps but shutting yourself off for too long will only prolong the misery.

You did ask for help. You reached out. Late at night, there are not always responses. I hope you are feeling better.

John

[JJ]

One thing to keep remembering is that it is the hormones that are talking right now and coloring everything you feel. I would get much the same way during a lot of my life. And I learned not to burn any bridges or make any important decisions during that time of the month. Which can be hard as well as inconvenient but is for the best. Like the guy on the internet-wait till this has passed to make any decisions or start any discussions about it with him.

I wish I knew how to make this time better for you but all I can say is to tell yourself that it isn't really you but the hormones that are at odds with who you are that are making you feel so badly. That one day you will be in a position to stop this and until then you can tough it out. Nothing about trans is easy. And this particular time is especially bad. But learning to cope, to get through it, will give you strength and skills you will need as you face your life-a better life-in the future,

Meantime come here and vent all you want because we do understand.

Johnny