You Are Just A Guy In A Dress

[Guest (Lightsider)]

About 4 years ago I was goo friends with a certain church member. We were close friends for about 6 months. We had similar names even. I made a big mistake in telling her about my past. I thought she could handle it and figured she was a pretty caring person. Well I was wrong. About 3 weeks after telling her she sent me an email stating that what I was doing was a sin and that I was a guy a dress.

Funny considering during the entire 6 months she had no clue I was anything but a woman! At the time it happened it was painful but some key leaders stepped in and put the woman in her place. I had never seen the leadership get this angry before.

I soon learned something valuable. It is none of any ones business what my past was and is unless it is some one I am going to marry. I think many of us have the complex about us that we feel the need to disclose our past lest we feel we are being dishonest. I think this is due to child hood conditioning that was told to us time and time again that we were not really who we feel we are. It is probably part of the borderline personality trait. And maybe some of us do it to be validated?

I often wonder if my ex-friend regrets what she wrote but I doubt it. I think she is too tied up in her own self righteous world to see the reality of things. While her comments hurt, ultimately they had the effect of making me stronger and gave me further insight into the stupidity of some people, especially when they have no clue until told otherwise.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

It is none of any ones business what my past was and is unless it is some one I am going to marry.

EXACTLY

Lizzy

[Guest MonikaC]

I'm glad you were able to gain strength from that situation. It's that old cliche: That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

I'm glad you were able to gain strength from that situation. It's that old cliche: That which doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.

I actually laugh about it now because the lady was clearly out of line and has much to learn.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

"Ha! Shows what you know! I don't even own a dress." - Me

...well it's true.

(anyone need smelling salts after that confession?)

[Guest ~Brenda~]

This person was just a friend and your emotional investment was probably limited. I am glad that you came away from all of this with a stronger sense of self. When the time comes that to whom you come out to really does matter, I am confident that you will be prepared to educate them as to the necessity of who you are.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Risu]

Lightsider, this is a very interesting post. I have felt the same way at times, though I am not living full time nor anywhere near passing. I have friends I game with who have never met me in person and I use a female voice to talk with them. As months went by I felt really bad about not telling them, like they didn't really know me if they didn't know that I am transgender.

Maybe its not really important and doesn't matter... but to me it does. I don't want to be friends with anyone who is closed minded and wouldn't otherwise accept me if they knew anyway. It would be different if I had planned to live stealth. I don't, at this time. I plan to be fairly open about it and an activist for my tribe. Of course I am not going to be proclaiming it everywhere and risk my personal safety but I won't be stealth about it regardless of how well I pass.

It is comforting to know someone else had similar feelings. I am just sorry it didn't work out with your friend.

Ultimately, to tell or not to tell is a personal choice. I agree though, if you're going to get married or you are going to be intimate with someone I think they should know. Everyone else can just stay in the dark.

[Guest NatalieRene]

I'm sorry your friend turned out to be closed minded.

I've had a few dates with different people that I thought where open minded but ended up getting the same kind of reaction. Lately I've been wondering if I even want to out myself to anyone else.

[Guest angie]

I was the first out transexxual woman that became a member

of my church.My minister was new and afraid of losing her

congregation and gave me virtually no support.Was pointedly

excluded for women only events and had my feels crushed so

many times I started thinking of going away until time had

passed and they forgot the man that was. See,I started attending

as my old self years before the coming of my real self. Well,

the thought became reality and I quit attending except for every

once in a while to let them see the changes.I went back after my

cancer,being found cancer free,and having gained back all of the

weight I had lost,and with two more years of life experience behind

me.The difference is marked.I was greeted warmly and welcomed as

a woman of the community.Maybe I was too sensitive and shouldn't

have left in the first place.But for how comfortable I am,with

years of real life experience,and the toughness that a transwoman

needs,I was and am ready to be an active part of my chosen church

once again,and know they are ready to look at and respect me as

the woman I am.

Angelique