Uncomfortable Shopping For Clothes

[Guest rumblerumble]

Growing up I would always sneak into my mother's closet when I was home alone and wear her clothes/panties/bras around the house to feel on the outside like the girl I do on the inside, however as I've gotten older, and bigger :/ I want my own female clothing. The problem is that I don't know how to go about building myself a feminine wardrobe. I'm way too shy, and afraid of being judged if I were to shop in the woman's department at stores, and online shopping is out of the question. So my question is this, is there a pain free, comfortable place, or way that I can shop for myself? I'm 23 and live in San Diego if that helps. Please help a girl feel more like herself and offer me some advice lol.

Thanks everyone!

Love and hugs,

-Bowie

[Guest Elena]

You could try searching for TG boutique stores in your area. I know where one is north of L.A. not sure about S.D. though. PM me if you want the 411 for the one I know.

Cheers,

Elena

[Guest ranse]

Keep in mind nobody know who you're buying things for if you're not trying them on in the store--look online for how to measure yourself for bras and underwear--then go into a store you like and buy it. This may be cheating, but I buy my men's underwear, shaving stuff, etc., when I get other things at a place like Target. The cashier is usually busy and bored and doesn't care what he/she is ringing up.

Do you have any female friends whom you're out to? Would one of them go shopping with you? If you're in girl mode, you will just look like a couple of friends shopping together; if you're in boy mode, the salespeople will just assume you're a boyfriend getting dragged around the mall.

Another option for outfits is thrift shops. You can get a few things fairly cheap and start exploring your own style. I wouldn't buy undergarments second-hand, but you can get some women's clothes and accessories like necklaces, rings, etc. and start building a wardrobe.

I'm pretty shy, too, but I figure with most businesses, they just want the money and they don't care who's handing it to them.

[MackenzieB]

Not sure where, depending on what sizes you are. When I lived down that way, I just went to Fashion Valley. Nobody ever gave me any hassle. I purchased an article in the Lane Bryant there and the sales person actually asked if it was for me or was it a gift. They're used to it, being right down the hill from Hillcrest.

[Guest rumblerumble]

Thanks girls! I'm sure a lot of my problem is such being really self conscious, and and timid. I think I may just gather up my courage and give it a shot. And I didn't even think of Hillcrest! lol I'm only 15 mins away and spend a lot of time in North Park so I may just have to take a little shopping trip soon . Thanks again ladies!

Love and Hugs,

-Bowie

[Guest DawnK]

You can always window shop on the internet, then when you find something you like, print out a copy of it and take that to the store. Walk up to the salesclerk and ask where you can find this. If the question "who is it for" comes up, tell them Mother, sister, girlfriend, whoever. If they ask if it's for you, say "Yes" hold it up to your face and say "doesn't this just make my eyes pop?"

If you're looking for make-up items, a list in your hand while you're looking gives the appearance that you're looking for something for the lady in your life. They don't need to know you're the lady. I use this one alot. But it's a good idea to have the item you're really looking for on the list in case a helpful clerk comes to your rescue.

I bought a wig once and the clerk asked me "what are you going to do with this?" to which I replied, "I'm going to look fabulous!"

Another tip is to hit the store as soon as it opens. The odds are that there will only be one or two ladies in there (if any).

And I think you're less likely to stand out shopping in a regular store than a thrift store. I think that you just seem to stand out more buying female clothing in a 2nd hand store than you would buying retail.

But whatever you do, don't make the mistake I used to make of going up to the checkout and start talking about 'oh I'm buying this for... or next time, she can come buy her own..." If they don't say anything, don't start the conversation. As others have pointed out, most clerks simply don't care.

And I shop in stores that my family and friends are not likely to go to. I'm fortunate enough to live in an area that have 3 good size cites all within 30 miles or so.

And it does get easier the more you do it. And a word of warning if you ever do buy on-line. They will start sending you catalogs and flyers to the address you provide them. So unless you have you're own P.O. Box, you may want to think twice. In my area, a PO Box runs less that $50.00 a year. Or you can get them for 6 months.

dk

[Guest kimberly c]

Hi Bowie, I do most of my shopping at Kohl`s.I mostly go in male mode even in the lingerie section. You just cant be shy, be positive and

buy what you want, they dont care what you buy, they just want your money!. I even have brought feminine tops and skirts into the

dressing room, not a word was said to me. Enjoy your shopping.Some younger sales clerks may even help you out.

Love Kim

[Guest ranse]

I bought a wig once and the clerk asked me "what are you going to do with this?" to which I replied, "I'm going to look fabulous!"

That is the best answer ever.

[Guest rachel38]

I know the feeling my biggest fear is running into someone I know. Most times the clerks want to help or don't seem to care what your buying. Onnce I had an older gal ask if I had the right size and if I wanted to try try it on.Ididn't really know what to say so I just said they would fit and hurried off kind of embarassed.

[JJ]

Anything we do for the first time is scary and uncomfortable but just doing it in spite of that makes it easier and easier, Even fun sometimes.

There is always an excuse for buying something for another gender than the one we are presenting at the time but no one will think to question it probably 99% of the time if you act relaxed and comfortable. People only question when your behavior and nervousness puts them on alert,

I never thought anything of men shopping in women's departments or stores-except when they were acting nervous or furtive about it and then I usually thought crossdresser and briefly felt sorry for how hard it seemed to be for them before putting it out of my mind. At most I only gave it a passing thought before I really became familiar with trans issues, Now I just smile at them and try to look friendly. Though I myself feel like a fifth wheel in a women's department now and usually make an excuse to go elsewhere when my daughter ends up taking me there.

I hope you find a way to start shopping for yourself, I know what a pleasure it is for women, A good place to break the ice is thrift stores, Nowdays they often have good clothes or ones that can be accessorized to look good and no one either notices or cares who shops where or buys what.Lots of people go there for clothes for plays or skits etc so they aren't even curious.

Best to you

Johnny

[Guest Velanna]

Honestly, I had a similar problem not too long ago. What helps me is just thinking that "hey, it's none of the business of the sales clerk what I buy or for who I'm buying for!" Then again, I'm the type of person who just goes for it, whatever "it" may be! You just gotta do it! The more you do something the more you feel comfortable doing it! I used to be super embarassed and self-conscious when I started wearing "girls" jeans in public. But now I find it har NOT to! Hope you find the courage to just go for the clothing YOU want to wear and purchase soon! Good luck!

[Guest michelle666]

If you have an H+M in your area, I've found them to be a pretty comfortable place to shop. I was in there buying some guy jeans one day and while walking to the dressing room, some some girl jeans and a shirt that I liked, so I grabbed them and the dressing room attendant didnt bat an eye at me. Also, H+M is super cheap!

[Guest MrMxyzptlk]

This will sound a tad cold and calous about people but it's true.

No one gives a darn about what you are doing. No one. Even if your own mother saw you in a Victorias Secret holding a teddy up to your torso to check for fit she would do her best to ignore it and move on. They don't want to get involved. People will walk down the street and step over some poor bugger who is laying face down on the sidewalk in a pool of thier own blood and you think they will care if you are buying a corset, garter belt and fishnet stockings? Not a chance.

I just bought a whole outfit at a second hand store in my male clothes. Walked around in the racks looking over everything and chose a suit, blouse and a wig. I may as well have given her a photo of me dressed up for all the clerk cared. She took my cash, put my clothes in a bag and gave it to me with no judgement at all.

Just remember, people don't want to know waht your issues might be because then they might get involved in your issues. Which they don't want to do. Just don't try and tell them some BS story. That gets their attention. I bouight a dress and heels at another second hand store and tried feeding them a line about dressing the blow up doll for a Vegas bachelor party... She didn't buy it. As I left she said "You'll look fabulous" with a sarcastic tone. I havent' gone back there, too embarasing. Not the clothes buying, the BS story I tried.

[Guest Ms.Emily]

If you're looking for make-up items, a list in your hand while you're looking gives the appearance that you're looking for something for the lady in your life. They don't need to know you're the lady. I use this one alot. But it's a good idea to have the item you're really looking for on the list in case a helpful clerk comes to your rescue.

Nice advice! Thanks

[Candykane]

When I was about 14 I started shopping for clothes. I was very awkward about it at first, but it worked out. A gift for a girlfriend It also helps to shop in 2 or 3 stores so that they get toknw you. You will be surprised at how cofortable you will feel in time. Good luck shopping you will learn to love it.

Candy Kane

[Guest Chrysee]

You might try stores with a flare for the alternative. If there are Hot Topics stores at your local Mall, I find that the sales girl with the green and purple hair and half a dozen ears/nose rings in the raggedy ann outfit truly doesn't care.

The Internet is a good place to begin. I began at the bottom, i.e. undergarments. I couldn't wait to buy a pair of panties and when my girlfriend and I went to a l

'lingerie' store, I was crushed to find that none fit. I left devastated! I had waited my entire life to wear a pair and none. . .absolutely none fit. On the way home my girlfriend suggested that perhaps somewhere out there was a place that offered women's panties made for men. Sure enough!

So Sweetie, try stores that specialize in alternative presentation and then walk in proudly. You belong there! Chances are the sales person is either just slogging through a days work and does't care, or might just think you're the hoot du jour.

Chrysee