I Just Wanna Die..

[Guest AlyTheGreatAngel]

I binged today.....I ate more than 2500 calories....way more. And now I just wanna die....seriously I dont ever wanna eat ever again no one will love me until im a size 0...and I go on and mess it up. I dont care if my hair falls out, if I die or whatever happens with anorexia..... But I know it will make me thin and once im thin ill be happy. Im just so mad right now. I truley hate myself and not just because of this for more things in my life im a horrible person I always medd everthing up. I just needed a place to let it out.

[Guest Karo-chan]

I binged today.....I ate more than 2500 calories....way more. And now I just wanna die....seriously I dont ever wanna eat ever again no one will love me until im a size 0...and I go on and mess it up. I dont care if my hair falls out, if I die or whatever happens with anorexia..... But I know it will make me thin and once im thin ill be happy. Im just so mad right now. I truley hate myself and not just because of this for more things in my life im a horrible person I always medd everthing up. I just needed a place to let it out.

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a very steep hill. If you can go a week without binge eating, you can go two weeks. If you binge eat, you can last twice as long until your next binge, and eventually you'll last longer and longer until the point you stop binging all together. Just keep at it! I went from binging daily, to binging weekly, to binging monthly, and the calories decrease with each binge as well.

It's hard to break habit, but you can do it!

[Guest Ebany]

Aly,

A beautiful woman has curves. The only way to have curves it to allow there to be fat on your body. Yes, I know how it sounds. For me, an atractive woman has a softness to her (no bones sticking out.)If you can't give up your desire to be thin, please aim for a healthier size. A size 4 or a size 6 are too skiny for my personal tastes, but at least they look like beautiful women and not half starve refugees from a third world country. women who are a size 0 are one of two things, very short or so shapeless as to be easily mistaken for a guy.

Honestly, girl... you're going to want that hair when you finally get to the point you like what you look like.

And remember that nobody else sees you like you see you. Nobody else is going to judge you so harshly. You will find love once you realize you are someone worth loving; it has nothing what-so-ever to do with your size. Love is blind to what a person looks like, blind to any inperfection you may find in yourself; love sees into your soul and knows you for the person you are not the body you wear.

~Dani

[Guest Aiden-xx]

But I know it will make me thin and once im thin ill be happy.

no you wont be cause once you get to size zero your going to want to be skinnier until your nothing.

you are beautiful no matter what

[Guest AlyTheGreatAngel]

Aly,

A beautiful woman has curves. The only way to have curves it to allow there to be fat on your body. Yes, I know how it sounds. For me, an atractive woman has a softness to her (no bones sticking out.)If you can't give up your desire to be thin, please aim for a healthier size. A size 4 or a size 6 are too skiny for my personal tastes, but at least they look like beautiful women and not half starve refugees from a third world country. women who are a size 0 are one of two things, very short or so shapeless as to be easily mistaken for a guy.

But I am a size 4/6:(

[Guest Aiden-xx]

aly

you are beautiful

[Guest Ebany]

But I am a size 4/6:(

then you shouldn't be trying to get thinner. beauty comes in many shapes and sizes. even in a half-starved package. you need to talk to someone about why you think you need to starve yourself to be pretty. love yourself and have a goal of being healthy and you'll find others will see your beauty too.

[Guest alexei_tiresias]

If beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, than the statement "a beautiful woman has curves" and all this other stuff comes across as being yknow, kinda sexist. And as a fellow restrictive-eating person (though im not a girl), those statements are probably the last things you wanna hear.

Basically its this love...if you wanna be a size zero, okay, but you need not starve yourself to do so. Keep in mind too that the tags on clothes always lie. Clothing sizes do not reflect what a body looks like. Plenty of small, tiny women have curves. If you want to be very small, pursue it through eating a reasonable amount and exercising. A day of higher calories can kickstart your metabolism, but if you're eating too little the rest of the time, it will make it crash. Eating too little will lead to eating too much on a day when you just cant stand it anymore.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Oh Aly, I just read this and it made me fell so sad. I can relate to that feeling of self-loathing. It can pull you under like a rip-tide. Remember that each moment, we have the power to re-create ourselves. And as far as being a size zero ... well, I don't know what to say. I had to just get angry with the world to get over bulimia. When I told my Mom that I was bulimic she said " At least you are not FAT!" I realized that the only one who could love me at that time in my life was ME. I decided to live ... to stop binging and purging and to let my body weight rise to where it needed to. It was terrifying ... It took me about 7 years to finally eliminate the purging behavior ( I had no counselor or professional help ... my friends did not know and my family was a big part of the problem) but I used anger to keep me going .... it sounds odd ... but I decided that the people who would not accept me as I am were just not worth it. This was not worth dying over... they would never be happy and I was not going to kill myself trying to please them. I also started binging on healthy foods, ( when I just couldn't resist stuffing my feelings) I chose foods that were easy to purge ... in this way, I was able to do the very least amount of damage. I tried not to judge myself when I had a "relapse" ... I just promised myself to start again. It took a lot of positive self-talk. I had to create an ally ... I became the friend that I had been to others ... I became a friend to myself. I had to think " Now, what would I say to a friend who was feeling this way???" eventually, I learned how to nurture and love myself. Eventually, this brought loving people into my life, including my wonderful and very supportive partner of 9 years. *** Don't give up on yourself Aly ... you are worth it ... you are lovable ... you are a beautiful person and you deserve so much more than this.

[Guest Fayatrix]

*Hugs* The person you need love from the most is yourself.

My experience since I've been out of the hospital is that the more I love myself, the more people start loving me. I'm sure if I ever got to a point where I completely accepted myself for who I am, I would find my true love.

It's probably this uneasy feeling others get out of some sort of automatic, subconscious empathy... that you don't love or accept yourself for something... and so maybe they start feeling the same way towards you.

Rawr! If it's worth anything; from your avatar picture, I think you look cute~ ^.^

[Guest Carrie7676]

I feel this way every time I get on a scale

[Guest Svenna]

Aly,

Anorexia is a terminal illness. There is no way to sugar-coat this very stark reality. In my opinion, you probably need some serious therapy to address such a major obstacle to your wellness and happiness.

Please seek out professional help, you ARE worth it and yes, YOU are beautiful!!! (Not that less-than-beautiful folk deserve less!!)

All my love and empathy, Svenna

[Guest Justneedhelp]

I've gone on Huge binges and although ive gained weight I'm so much happier now that I've beaten anorexia. When your body can no longer function on a normal level because of eating restrictions, depression always will eventually follow. Trust the voice in your head saying something is wrong because it is. Don't let yourself think your life will be better when you're a size 0...if you submit to an ED you wont have power over anything...and believe me, that's the worst feeling someone can have

[Guest Jenny C]

Dear Ally, you are beautiful, sincerely, as you are. I know it is tough when something is biting inside of you. But do not believe it. That's not who you are... you are so much more !!! Settle down, things will get into place. Repeat that to yourself, believe it. Settle down. We all Love you. And you can just be, as you are, 'cause you are a wonderful person. Things will get in place, gradually.

Love,

Jenny