"Lovely Lady" & "Grandfather" It Shouldn't Matter But It Does

[JJ]

A couple of days ago I was kind to someone and spoke to set them at ease in a somewhat hostile environment-he in return was kind by asking if my daughter and I were mother and daughter and commenting on what lovely ladies we were. At the time I had on a muscle shirt (over a sports bra I'll grant you) and swim trunks. My body hair has grown a lot with T -my legs alone would take hedge clippers to tame before I could shave if I ever wanted to again. Sigh. He meant well. Which kind of makes it worse.

But yesterday my granddaughter was swimming with a couple of boys we had seen at the lake a couple of times. I overheard her say to one-"No, that my grandmother" so I asked her about it later. He had been talking to her about being there with her grandfather. She corrected him, which I wish she hadn't but understand, and told him I just like looking like a man.

But kids are often the first to peg people so it still felt good.

I know intellectually that I am early in transition being less than 4 months on T injections. And that I am what I am. My body is a mix in many ways with those defining sexual characteristics still wrongly gendered for me. Yet this drive to finally really be free, to be seen and accepted, is so strong it overrides intellect and gives way too much importance to those little comments. Do they change reality? Of course not-but they change my perception of it no matter how hard I fight to remain objective.

I'll be SO glad when this half & half stage is over. Or I can grow a beard which given family history and dearth of facial hair in relation to other hair may be never.

Oh well. I am getting more and more male responses. I'll just hold to that and try to keep it all in perspective. Like feeling great when seen as male and telling myself it isn't important when I'm not. Double standard

Johnny

[Guest Melanie54]

It is good that you are getting those much need correct responses. Stay positive, you will be so obviously male in no time.

Also, from this girls perspective, Your body is the guitar, but your personality is the amplifier that makes you rock. So with that you are one rockin' dude.

Plus if they come up with a way to donate facial hair, I will donate mine. I have enough for like 3 or 4 guys. Seriously. I shave at around 10 this morning, and I already have a 5 o'clock shadow...

Hugs

Melanie

[Carolyn Marie]

It is pretty early in the journey, Johnny, to expect too much. When we MtF aren't too far along, and are just starting to grow our hair out and get facial hair removed, or master our new voices, it is just as hard. The tall ladies have as much difficulty fitting in as the small men. I say all that only to point out that the path we walk is difficult and long, and there are no magic spells to get us through those early months and years.

You've heard me preach patience, and it truly is a necessary skill for all of us. That along with a thick skin and a good sense of humor will see us through. Smiling through the pain works for me, and I think it will for you, too.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest John Chiv]

How am I supposed to follow and type any response after Carolyn? She said it all bro. And I agree.

John

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I hear you Johnny. I want to say something supportive that makes a difference but I can't find the words to do that right now...sorry. You're an awesome man though Johnny and some day all the world will see it.

Gabe