Greetings From Pennsylvania

[Guest Crue]

Hello, everyone.

Let me start out by saying that my birth name is Toni and I'm from the state of Pennsylvania. I've lived in this state my entire life even though I have moved around between different areas. I hope to move out of this state whenever I get a chance and have been thinking about going to college in either New York or somewhere in Washington. Even if I don't get to move there, I really want to see Seattle sometime in my life.

I suppose I could go a bit into my current self debates. Growing up I was a relatively "normal" little girl that loved playing dress up and wearing dresses whenever I got the chance. As I got older, I started to morph a bit more into the tomboy style. One of the first times I really questioned my gender was when my mother informed me that when she was pregnant with me, she had thought I was going to be a boy. She had tons of names picked out, so when I popped out as a female, she had to slap a name onto me quickly. Normally people would overlook that, but I've always been close to my mother (close enough that if I decide to transition, I want her to pick my new name or at least part of it). I began to wonder if I was meant to be a male. Around the same time I also developed a lot of really close guy friends that I ended up drifting away from because of different class schedules.

My most recent issues have been the worst ones. At the start of last school year I decided that I wanted to dress and come off completely as a guy. My parents were surprisingly very supportive, and my step-dad even went as far as to show me around the men's department and all of the sizings that were alien to me. I loved going out to places and being referred to as "sir" and "young man". It almost made me feel complete. But then I started to question myself and the sake of my family and have recently been dressing more feminine and acting like a female once again. I told myself that I would present myself as a female because I have the DNA of a female already; I might as well embrace it. However, that doesn't stop the occasional breakdowns I get from being so upset that I'm biologically a girl. I want nothing more than to just be male, but at times I think how I feel about myself is hindered for what is in the best interest of my family. I've always been their "little girl". So, as of now, I'm stuck in a rut on whether I can be content as a female or if I should start the transition into becoming a male. I have told one of my close friends about this, and she is completely supportive and has told me to do whatever will make me happy.

Aside from all of that, I am a full time student in high school. I plan on going either into the health field as a surgeon or into the science field as an astronomer. I have a bunch of pets at home - 3 cats, 3 dogs, 3 ferrets, and a fish. I do a lot of writing in my free time and hope to write a book some day. I don't have much of a life outside of school because of the huge nerd that I am. I practice a traditional style of karate, and that's really about it.

So, I ended up stumbling across this website among my browsing for female to male information. I look forward to getting to know the people on this site as well as discover more about myself.

[Guest JaniceW]

Welcome Crue,

I am sure you will find a lot of folks with similar stories to yours here and get to share thoughts and ideas with them. Please take a moment to read the terms and conditions (link at top of page). We are a moderated site to protect our users like yourself. You need to make 5 posts to access some of the features of the site like private messaging and profiles.

Poke around and read some of the threads, you will find a wealth of information here.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi Crue,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Crue!

I know how confusing it can be at first, with a lot of conflicting emotions and feelings. It often takes time and many sessions with a gender therapist to figure things out and come to a conclusion about who you are. So take your time, learn all you can both here and through other readings you may do, talk to folks in the Chat Rooms or IRL, and soon enough you'll figure things out.

So, you have three ferrets? Well, I'll give you points for having unusual pets. I've had lizards (caught 'em myself) and guinea pigs, but that's about it as far as odd.

You've set some interesting choices for possible careers. I'm impressed. I'm something of an amateur astronomer, so perhaps we'll talk some time.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie