Your Kids

[Guest rynae]

If you children were to come up to you and say they want to wear a dress at school or at public would you let them? Or would you push them toward wearing their natal gender clothes instead protecting them from teasing and bullying? There was one resource i found in the internet stating that it is better to force them to wear their natal gender clothing instead of their preferred clothing because you have controll of your children. But hear me out. Instead of punishing the child you only give them an excuse like boys do boy things and girls do girls things. But sometime boys do girl things and girls do boy things, but they get punish for it. Then when they grow up and understand the concept of what society expects of them at age 9 or 10 then they can choose what to wear. How does a little boy or girl know the consequence of society? Its like sending them defenseless against society. Now in my oppinion i agree with 100 percent with what this resource is saying and make sense. I would like to know if you had a child would you let them crossdress now or maybe later in life?

[Drea]

If you children were to come up to you and say they want to wear a dress at school or at public would you let them?

Mine never asked me, they just wore the dresses.

[Guest Julie T]

Rynae

I think you bring up such an interesting point. My three kids are grown and maried. None seem to ever have been gender dysphoric and for whatever reason seem to fit it the world's binary sexual system, the one promoted as normal. But to their credit that are not necessarily buying into all that, and are able to easily understand sexual and gender diversity. They and their spouses accept me without reservation, fortunately. I did something right in bringing them up, perhaps? But I give more credit to their generation, and its ability to understand that we all are really just human beings trying to be happy.

But, what if they, or in this question, my son in particular, had wanted to go to school in a dress? Hopefully I would not have been surprised, and would have known of 'her' gender dysphoria way early (this is a hypothetical 'her' to keep the pronouns straight). My concern would be for her safety, and if she was prepared to face that terrible irrational and that full-of-desperation peer system teenage people often develop. I suppose we would have talked about her presenting as androgynous as possible maybe, especially at first, and slowly establishing her identity as a transperson. Same for me, I eased into my presentation. By the time I was wearing dresses, I looked apprpriate wearing dresses, there was never a shock value to worry about.

And it would have depended on the community. In 1980, when this would have occurred, the atmosphere would have been rather hostile? I am sad to say. It would have been a battle.

I believe I would have treated either or both of my daughters similarly? Or so I hope. This is how I see it now. Hindsight is usually 20-20.

And their mother would have had a huge problem with any of this. She has never accepted me, and we had be divorced for 12 years when I came out. Maybe this question should be asked of her?

And today? Me today? I support the LGBTQ completely, and it wasn't always like that. I know now we are all just people, perhaps we are all just born the way we are?

It's a lot to think about.

Julie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Although it is natural to protect one's children from harm from the outside world. The costs of that protection could be even more damaging to a transgendered child because of the perceived invalidation of who they are by the parents.

This is a very compelling issue. Parenting transgendered children is on the cusp of acceptance and working with school systems to encourage their children to be able to be themselves.

10 or so years ago, I would have recommended that the children learn to deal with their natal gender when at places like school out of fear of reprisal to the child if they presented themselves as themselves. We are passing that stage now sociologically. Today, it is becoming more and more common place for parents to encourage their transgendered children to be allowed who they are even in public. Things are evolving.

I have a few links to some interesting articles on the subject that I think shed some light as to where things are going... I have included a couple of quotes from some of the articles which I found poignant.

http://tgmentalhealth.com/2010/01/08/parents-dealing-with-gender-dysphoria-in-young-children/

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/11/a-boy-apos-s-life/7059/

“Yeah, it is fixable,” piped up another mom, who’d been on the 20/20 special. “We call it the disorder we cured with a skirt.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joanne-herman/new-age-parenting-for-tra_b_561688.html

"When you discriminate against transgender people, you discriminate against everybody who loves them," said Ken.

http://www.ketv.com/r/19474067/detail.html

“One hundred percent of the time, I’ve never had anybody show up anything other than healthiest in the chosen gender role, as opposed to biological,” Hites said.

Brenda

[Carolyn Marie]

For me, there is no one answer to your question, Rynae. It is more complicated than that. It would depend on a whole host of factors, including their age, the type of neighborhood and school, the quality of the school administrators, etc. It would also depend on the answer from the child to this question: why do you want to?

If they told me they felt like they should be/are the other gender, and were serious, I would get them to a gender therapist pronto. If it was confirmed that they had GID, then not only would I let them dress in the appropriate clothes, I would do all I could to make their life comfortable, safe, and happy.

Carolyn Marie